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Original poster

Sex whilst asleep

136 replies

Isitjustmee · 27/03/2025 15:22

Hi,

First post on here so please be gentle.

I keep waking up in the middle of the night to my partner trying to have sex with me or giving me oral.

I’ve told them I don’t like being woken up like this and find it pretty weird. it then stops for a month or so and then slowly starts to happen again.

I usually continue with it once I’m awake as I enjoy it but I do find it a bit unsettling.

I live with my DP and we are due to get married next summer but this is a bit of a yellow flag for me if I’m being honest!

OP posts:
BIWI · 27/03/2025 16:20

MummaMummaMumma · 27/03/2025 16:18

That's rape. You have not consented. Not only that, but you have spoken beforehand and told him you do not want him to do it again, he has done it anyway. Rape. Red flag!

OP is a man

TwistedWonder · 27/03/2025 16:20

BIWI · 27/03/2025 16:19

OP is a man

Show quote history

which I why I edited

BunnyLake · 27/03/2025 16:20

TwistedWonder · 27/03/2025 16:18

A yellow flag????? It’s a fucking enormous glow in the dark redder than the reddest thing in red land red flag - she is a sexually abusive predator. She’s a criminal who should be on the ex offenders register not sharing your bed

Edited as seen update

Edited

OP is male dp is his girlfriend. It doesn’t alter the fact she is disrespecting his boundaries though.

You edited while i was typing.

MattCauthon · 27/03/2025 16:20

Nonsensesponsence · 27/03/2025 16:18

rape is rape surely, whatever sex?

Edited
Show quote history

No, I believe the definition of rape requires penetration with a penis.

So sexual assualt, yes. Rape, no.

hattie43 · 27/03/2025 16:20

isnt sex without consent rape

TwistedWonder · 27/03/2025 16:20

BunnyLake · 27/03/2025 16:20

OP is male dp is his girlfriend. It doesn’t alter the fact she is disrespecting his boundaries though.

You edited while i was typing.

Edited
Show quote history

Again I edited my post after seeing update

Tiswa · 27/03/2025 16:20

Nonsensesponsence · 27/03/2025 16:18

rape is rape surely, whatever sex?

Edited
Show quote history

Rape has a very specific legal definition involving penetration by a penis into another persons vagina mouth or anus.

it is however sexual assault

TwistedWonder · 27/03/2025 16:22

hattie43 · 27/03/2025 16:20

isnt sex without consent rape

It’s sexual assault but not rape . Rape is specific and requires a penis

SouthLondonMum22 · 27/03/2025 16:22

Call off the wedding and get away from her.

The fact you’re a man doesn’t matter.

Onetwothreefourfivealive · 27/03/2025 16:23

As others have said this is rape

SnowflakeSmasher86 · 27/03/2025 16:24

Your thread is now an absolute mess due to you being vague about the sexes of those involved. Why don’t you ask to have it deleted and start again with the OP including that you’re male and she is (presumably) female (you say your partner is a she, but these days that could still technically include someone with a penis, in which case it IS in fact rape.).

Maybe report your thread and ask to have it deleted so that you can get appropriately targeted advice and sources of support.

MsCactus · 27/03/2025 16:25

Isitjustmee · 27/03/2025 15:43

I'm sorry, I should have made it clearer, I'm a he and my partner is a she.

I don't think it makes any difference, its still non-consensual sex right?

I think she does it as she wants to get pregnant, we use condoms when sex is fully consensual but quite often i wake to find her on top of me with no condom on obviously.

Yes this is a huge red flag.

The one thing I would say is that my DP used to do this with me! Really pushy trying to touch me and wanting to have sex in middle of the night. I used to wake up, either push him away or go "alright then" and have sex.

Turns out he was doing it in his sleep! Sometimes he would wake up mid us having sex and think I'd initiated it. I had to explain he had woken me up doing this!

Anyway, I just thought I'd put that out there as apparently there is a condition that people sometimes try to have sex, entirely unaware, when they're sleeping. The solution is to sleep in separate bedrooms. Clothes also stopped my DP from doing it - it only happened when we slept naked

SnowflakeSmasher86 · 27/03/2025 16:27

And yes, either way, it’s unacceptable and is a massive red flag not a yellow one. Your partner is sexually coercive and has no respect for your bodily autonomy. A child arising out of that situation would be an absolute travesty for all involved.

BatchCookBabe · 27/03/2025 16:27

SnowflakeSmasher86 · 27/03/2025 16:24

Your thread is now an absolute mess due to you being vague about the sexes of those involved. Why don’t you ask to have it deleted and start again with the OP including that you’re male and she is (presumably) female (you say your partner is a she, but these days that could still technically include someone with a penis, in which case it IS in fact rape.).

Maybe report your thread and ask to have it deleted so that you can get appropriately targeted advice and sources of support.

Edited

100% this. ^ I don't know why the OP didn't state they were male and their partner is female in the first post. Many people are understandably responding to the OP's first post.

Clearly @Isitjustmee what your partner is doing is unacceptable, and you need to tell her to stop. Or leave. I could not be with someone who did this to me. As has been said, this is sexual assault.

IShotTheDeputyItWasMe · 27/03/2025 16:28

You have said "no" so she can't say she's doing it because she thinks you'd like it.

Sadly, there are lots of posts on here from women who have male partners doing the same thing to them. Every single one of those was correctly identified as rape.

Not only is she sexually assaulting you, but she is doing it so that she can get pregnant which I'm guessing you've said no to. That's not OK either.

Roles reversed, if a man was trying to get a woman pregnant against her wishes, he would (rightly) be hung drawn and quartered on here.

Is this the type of relationship you want?

Shatteredallthetimelately · 27/03/2025 16:29

Do you want to be tied to someone like her, someone that's so scheming that they'll pretty much rape you inorder to get themselves pregnant.

You do the right thing by wearing a condom and although not 100% foolproof in doing so going some way towards using safe sex so I'd take that as in you not wanting to father a DC just yet.

Ultimately its your choice as to whether you continue with the wedding plans but by doing so you're going into marriage knowing how your BTB works.

Spankmeonthebottomwithawomansweekly · 27/03/2025 16:30

This is not OK, she is raping you.

Give her the heave ho

IShotTheDeputyItWasMe · 27/03/2025 16:32

SnowflakeSmasher86 · 27/03/2025 16:24

Your thread is now an absolute mess due to you being vague about the sexes of those involved. Why don’t you ask to have it deleted and start again with the OP including that you’re male and she is (presumably) female (you say your partner is a she, but these days that could still technically include someone with a penis, in which case it IS in fact rape.).

Maybe report your thread and ask to have it deleted so that you can get appropriately targeted advice and sources of support.

Edited

Excluding appropriate sign posting. Why does it matter who is what gender?

The OPs partner is sexually assaulting them in the hope of having a baby against the OPs wishes. It doesn't matter who is male or female, this is not ok.

ChiliFiend · 27/03/2025 16:32

As far as the law is concerned, this is rape. It might not feel as bad as what you picture rape to be - but remember this is someone you are evaluating as a life partner - someone to be there for you when you're sick; someone to care for you when you're sad; someone to put their children's needs before their own. Don't choose this person, who has demonstrated repeatedly that they don't give a fuck about you. It will spill over into every other area of your life, and you'll wish you had heeded this early warning sign.

Edited - not rape as I hadn't read the update re the sexes. But still sexual assault.

SuspiciousChipmunk · 27/03/2025 16:33

She’s sexually abusing you. Do you have anywhere safe you can go? Or are you in a position to throw her out? Report to the police. This won’t be the first time she has done this.

ImWearingPantaloons · 27/03/2025 16:33

It’s rape.

leave the rapey fucker.

please

WhatMe123 · 27/03/2025 16:34

This is rape I'm afraid op very worrying

Starlight7080 · 27/03/2025 16:36

If it happened once and you said please don't do that . And then she never did again . Then ok.
But she keeps doing it . That's just weird and not ok at all.
Have you spoken to her about it and said what if it was the other way around ? How would she feel?

BetterWithPockets · 27/03/2025 16:37

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I’m sorry — what? Would you give the same advice to a woman? That’s shocking.

OP, this is not right. I’d run for the hills, personally.

WORKERbeen · 27/03/2025 16:37

This SA

you need to leave and call the police

took the male fetish part out now I realise the Op is a man.

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