Saw a whatsapp message about me 😞

[DreadingItagain]

We have a family WA group (me, DM, DSIS (2) and DB plus SIL and one BIL. Just because it makes it easier to share things and arrange things.

For context, I don’t work (due to disability and also my DS has one of the same disabilities as me).

A message popped up on the WA group from DB at around 2 pm today saying ‘So , what do we all think DreadingItagain will come up with now as a reason to not work ! Can’t see her getting away with it anymore !’ Obviously in relation to the spring budget. I saw it and replied ‘WTF???’ . Then nothing. No reply, No apology. Can only assume that they have another group as he put ‘we’?

I’ve never thought anyone resented me but clearly they do. I called DM and all she could say was ‘everyone is allowed an opinion and he hasn’t said it to your face’??? Spoke to one of my sisters who was evasive and denied there was another group. So I messaged on the family group ‘Clearly some of you have a problem with me and have been bitching about me and my child behind my back. Just in case you were wondering I do actually get 4 points in one descriptor so I don’t have anything to worry about at the current time in relation to my finances, my family on the other hand I do seem to need to worry about.’And I left the group.

Im really hurt though. Why are people so happy about the thought of others having a difficult time ???

Wow. Your mum is meant to be your mum for life. She's supposed to be your protector and advocate and love you unconditionally.

I'm furious for you.

Keep being the mum she should have been for you and get rid of those two faced back stabbing arseholes. Block them on everything and take some time for yourself and only initiate contact with them on your terms.

Also it just goes to show how small minded they are, PIP is not an out of work benefit. The reason you're unable to work is neither here nor there, they're just ignorant twitwhistles.

Apparently there is as my post was removed......

It's not hard to work out. DM and DSis are on there or they would have been wtf'ing along with OP. It obviously wasn't a shock to them.

Sorry OP.

Wow, they are awful and your mother takes the gold medal. Don't contact them again, let them make the next move. Never trust them again.

I’m desperately sorry, OP. That’s outrageous and heartbreaking ableism. The government’s own statistics show PIP fraud is so small it rounds to 0%, and yet they’re merrily trying to convince the country disabled people are stealing all the money. Sending you hugs and good wishes for kinder, more genuine people in your life 💐

It's a shame isn't it? I'm utterly castigated by my ex for "getting benefits" (DLA) for our youngest he tells everyone I'm faking his illness for attention and money (despite him being in a special school which is not somethingyou can just fake into) while simultaneously refusing to care for him as he is "too difficult" to care for urgh

Either way people suck

Shameful behaviour from your family. Who needs enemies with family like that! I’m really sorry OP that’s truly awful.

Exactly, what sort of mother would allow her adult children to make nasty digs about their disabled sibling without telling them how cruel they are being.

Having the same condition doesn't make you the same.

Wow. Your dB is horrible. He obviously doesn't believe your disability or a lack of understanding. I'd be fuming.

@DreadingItagain you handled that well. Can’t believe DM stuck up for DB. It’s on them to come to you! Although wouldn’t blame you for not being interested in what they have to say.

Knowledge is power. Now you know what they are saying behind your back, you can just forget them all.
Dont imagine they will apologise. When people are caught out in bad behaviour, they self-protect by imagining you are the problem. Right now they are damage limiting by gossiping about you further.
Sack them all off and live in peace with people who are genuine with you.

I meant PP questioning on here after being accused of a pile on.

The message said 'what do we all think...' which implies more than two people.

I never said we are the same, I said we have the same condition and symptoms. You're right, different people handle things differently. We also have the same upbringing, same parents, same opportunities, same health hindrances, but completely different outcomes. What I'm saying is it's not ALL down to the disability, some of it is down to the individual.

Very hurtful especially from family who I assume know about your disability.

You expect from mumsnet strangers but if your own family don’t have your back then that’s awful.

How disappointing for you, you thought they were being supportive but now you know it was fake. I’m so sorry you had to read that, what a nasty thing to say. Your brother sounds like an arse and mums always stick up for their sons no matter what they do!

Jesus I'm so.sorry OP.

Could he have been kidding around?

What an awful thing for them to do. At least my crap family had the decency to be shit to my face so I knew to avoid them. I can't imagine thinking you had a supportive family to find out they've been judging and ridiculing you behind your back.

OP I hope you have in real life support like a friend or partner to talk with. I wouldn't contact anyone in that group chat until they came back with a proper apology. It's going to be a lot to process that you can no longer rely on those people in the chat (particularly DB, Mum and Sis). Just awful behaviour from them.

Oh that's hard OP. I'm a big believer in taking things you have learnt and using them. Now you know what DB thinks- so in all good conscience, you don't need to deal with him now. He's allowed your opinion- and so are you.

Again, you know that your Mum isn't someone who will stand up for you. OK, take time to process this pain and then think about what you want to do. Do you want these people to spend time with you and your family? If you can get past this, then fine. If it's always going to weigh on you, then maybe draw away. Don't allow them to minimise just how hurtful this has been. Take it steady, OP

I'm so sorry - it's bad enough strangers having a go but your own family 😞. I hope they're all feeling thoroughly ashamed of themselves tonight. I wouldn't be contacting them again

Man that is tough. It’s will always be a shitty situation when you find out people are being 2-faced.

The fact they are lovely to your face is a good thing, and it is entirely possible that it was a momentary lapse of judgement and anger not related to you.

I am the sibling of a dependant brother. I love my brother, and recognise he has much higher needs than me. That doesn’t mean that it on occasion when I am going through a hard time I get very frustrated when I have to be conscious of other people all the time.

When you have calmed down from your very reasonable anger it might be good to go around with beer/food and ask him if he is OK and what happened?

I feel sad for you if your condition is genuine. I am surprised that your own family think you are work shy and are playing the system, why do you think they feel that way?
I knew one person at my last workplace who had chronic fatigue and was always taking leave. I know other colleagues never had sympathy as this person kept shirking and the work and it always fell on others and after a point no one was interested in picking up the slack. Does your family think you have the easy way out? Sometimes when ppl work all day and sacrifice time with family it can really annoy them to see others get the same amount without having to lift and finger. Try not to tell your family about how much you get on benefits, that will only cause resentment.