Saw a whatsapp message about me 😞

[DreadingItagain]

We have a family WA group (me, DM, DSIS (2) and DB plus SIL and one BIL. Just because it makes it easier to share things and arrange things.

For context, I don’t work (due to disability and also my DS has one of the same disabilities as me).

A message popped up on the WA group from DB at around 2 pm today saying ‘So , what do we all think DreadingItagain will come up with now as a reason to not work ! Can’t see her getting away with it anymore !’ Obviously in relation to the spring budget. I saw it and replied ‘WTF???’ . Then nothing. No reply, No apology. Can only assume that they have another group as he put ‘we’?

I’ve never thought anyone resented me but clearly they do. I called DM and all she could say was ‘everyone is allowed an opinion and he hasn’t said it to your face’??? Spoke to one of my sisters who was evasive and denied there was another group. So I messaged on the family group ‘Clearly some of you have a problem with me and have been bitching about me and my child behind my back. Just in case you were wondering I do actually get 4 points in one descriptor so I don’t have anything to worry about at the current time in relation to my finances, my family on the other hand I do seem to need to worry about.’And I left the group.

Im really hurt though. Why are people so happy about the thought of others having a difficult time ???

Decent family would be hoping that you wouldn’t lose your benefits due to the harsher new rules, not gleefully enjoying it and insinuating you are a benefit cheat.

Well that would be me done with the lot of them.

Been nc with my dps for less for over 25 years..
Utter disgrace op.
Ask your db what his excuse is for being a cunt...

And your dm for backing him up..

That's shocking OP, I'm so sorry but it does seem that they've been incredibly two-faced and have been talking about you behind your back in a very mean way. I don't know what to suggest. I'd be devastated and wouldn't know how to deal with it other than lowering contact with the family, which I can imagine would be quite life-changing considering that they've always appeared to be supportive.

I would be heartbroken. I’m so sorry, OP. What a horrible thing to discover.

My son gets PIP and I've told him not to tell anyone not even his grandparents for this very reason. I really don't understand all this hatred towards people who are struggling when no one seems to care about tax avoiders, ridiculous expenses etc... I'm so sorry you're family have been so awful 😞

I think you've given wise advice to your son. How awful though, that people are feeling a stigma or negativity around something they need/deserve.

You really do. I'm sorry you've had to experience that, it's so hard to be civil when it's 'forgiven' but not forgotten

"we" doesn't necessarily indicate a group chat, it could be two people and it can't be said whether the other person agrees. They might actually be on your side.

Yeah agree, it's a strange situation. They all obviously know op very well and have interpreted the situation as they have. Given the wording of the brothers message to me it implies they have had conversations about this before.

That's nasty, people are so 2 faced 😡

What the actual fuck, that's absolutely disgusting and even worse your mum defended him. I'm so sorry your family are such utter wanks.

I'm so sorry, OP. You don't need these people in your life.

Yay.
People seem to think that being disabled or chronically ill is all a walk in the park.
They dint see the poor quality of life, the pain, the missed opportunities. Seeing your life disappear in front of your eyes. Becoming a ‘nothing’ (because working seems to be only acceptable currency these days).
They think being bedbound is like having a lie in whilst in hols. I wish

Jesus. I would be so, so hurt. I hope they feel horribly guilty. That would be my family relationships destroyed, especially due to the obvious existence of a WA group that seems to exclude only you. That your mother/parents were complicit in that and defended your brother’s actions is possibly the worst part.

I’m really sorry. Lots of people are dishonest and entirely two-faced.

My MIL did this to me, exactly the same, thought she was posting to another family chat that I wasn't aware of and mistakenly posted to the one I was in.
I was signed of work after discovering my H affair, it made me agropgobic, on medication, really, really poorly for a time.
She posted " so she's going to leech off my son even more now"
I have never, ever forget that.
We had been together 20 years and I had supported him for years whilst he retrained and got a degree whilst our children were younger.
Some families are horrible, just nasty people.
You are dealing with it fine OP, don't get more involved or say anything more, just let them stew in their own nasty selves.
It definitely says more about them.💐

That's really awful, I am so sorry. The fact you didn't even get an apology is terrible!

Your MIL sounds like mine. Cold, vicious and tribal. I have nothing to do with her now and it’s so very liberating.

I called DM and all she could say was ‘everyone is allowed an opinion and he hasn’t said it to your face’?

This is heartbreaking I’m so sorry. As a mother - she should absolutely understand your disabilities and want to validate you and be appalled at your brother’s comments.

Your brother sounds like a bitter ableist “C U Next Tuesday”. I wouldn’t speak to him again unless he sincerely apologised and educated himself on PIP and disabilities.

There’s something very wrong with questioning when it’s done behind someone’s back, while pretending to be supportive to the person’s face. It’s dishonest, cowardly and unkind.

Not that it is anyone’s business but if someone has some genuine concerns, then have the balls to address it face to face.

Your brother is vile, your mother is unforgivable.

Needs a face to face conversation and your brother needs to be very honest. There’s obviously another group.

Wonder what happened to the OP whose brother got married and everyone in the family knew apart from her?

Is your disability hereditary @DreadingItagain ? I only ask as you said your son has one of the same disabilities. If so, it's even more reason for your family to be understanding.
It's almost certain from the wording of your brother's message that there is another WA group. It's a huge betrayal especially from your mother and siblings. How could they even begin to justify it? Give yourself time to absorb it all. I do hope you have support from a partner or someone else close to you.

I’m so sorry OP, this is beyond awful. The response from your family when you confronted them makes it worse. A full and unreserved apology and complete contrition from them would have been the only acceptable response

It takes a particularly thick and bitter twat to be jealous of someone having a disability, and the government scraps they get thrown.

The ignorance involved in assuming that person has an easy life because they can't work is staggering to me.

I'm sorry op. If it helps I also have those I've had to cut out in my family. They accidentally aired their disgusting opinions after a few drinks. They ranted at how lazy I must be and how easy my life is, that the government are too generous with benefits and I should have to work instead of 'leeching' their taxes (for context, dd is bed bound and non verbal, and they have seen with their own eyes that I am essentially 'on shift' 24 hours a day).

When one tried to shame facedly apologise in the morning I just texted a cost breakdown of how much their precious taxes would have to pay per month if I swanned off to work and left dd in care of the state instead, then blocked them.

They probably were too dumb to even understand the implications of that, of how unpaid carers keep the social care system afloat, but it made me feel a little better.