Saw a whatsapp message about me 😞

[DreadingItagain]

We have a family WA group (me, DM, DSIS (2) and DB plus SIL and one BIL. Just because it makes it easier to share things and arrange things.

For context, I don’t work (due to disability and also my DS has one of the same disabilities as me).

A message popped up on the WA group from DB at around 2 pm today saying ‘So , what do we all think DreadingItagain will come up with now as a reason to not work ! Can’t see her getting away with it anymore !’ Obviously in relation to the spring budget. I saw it and replied ‘WTF???’ . Then nothing. No reply, No apology. Can only assume that they have another group as he put ‘we’?

I’ve never thought anyone resented me but clearly they do. I called DM and all she could say was ‘everyone is allowed an opinion and he hasn’t said it to your face’??? Spoke to one of my sisters who was evasive and denied there was another group. So I messaged on the family group ‘Clearly some of you have a problem with me and have been bitching about me and my child behind my back. Just in case you were wondering I do actually get 4 points in one descriptor so I don’t have anything to worry about at the current time in relation to my finances, my family on the other hand I do seem to need to worry about.’And I left the group.

Im really hurt though. Why are people so happy about the thought of others having a difficult time ???

Sorry your DM is just as much! Not you! 🤦🏻‍♀️

I assume that OP's family are not all qualified PIP assessors an so their opinion of whether or not she is disabled enough to claim benefits is irrelevant, the appropriate professionals have obviously assessed her as reaching the entitlement threshhold for PIP so what her ignorant and spiteful family think could not matter less.
We disabled people have to constantly put up with armchair experts who know nothing about our conditions and how they affect our lives feeling entitled to comment on our entitlement to benefits without members of our own family, who should have our best interests in mind and who should trust our accounts of our own health, joining in too.
OP, there really aren't two sides to this story and your family are entirely in the wrong. Unfortunately, people find it hard to apologise, perhaps especially when they are as completely in the wrong as your family are, so instead they are trying to come up with excuses for their appalling behaviour, please do not accept any non-apologies, if they want to build bridges then please make them grovel. Being made to feel embarrassed and uncomfortable is the least they deserve and a whole-hearted apology is the lea st you deserve from them.

I think it is ok to complain that you work ft and can’t afford a basic life. That’s completely understandable. And yes costs have soared, wages have not kept pace and the housing situation is out of control.

However, it’s not justifiable in any way, to begrudge help given to others who need financial assistance because of their disabilities. When the world is as harsh as you yourself describe it Veronay, to the extent that able bodied people find it challenging, people with disabilities and chronic illnesses need more help, not less.

Your brother is an idiot! My DH was very sporty , a school champion runner, also swam for a club for a while at primary school, was in the school volleyball team etc. Now he can barely walk, can just about transfer from his wheelchair to car, bed etc. Past sporting achievement is completely irrelevant! So sorry you're dealing with this shit OP! He needs to grow up, sounds like a jealous child!

A couple of points for the inevitable posters on this thread whinging about disabled people getting hand-outs for nothing while hard-working people are struggling to scrape by. Firstly, many of us disabled people do work, PIP is a non-means tested benefit which is based on medical needs, not one's work or financial status. Secondly, I think a lot of people have no idea of the extra expenses that living with a disability can incur. I have been blind and had rheumatoid arthritis since I was a baby. I require a lot of expensive equipment and assistance to do the sort of thing fully-sighted people take for granted. I use my PIP to defray some, though not all, of these expenses. I'd happily exchange my PIP for the eyesight of any of the posters on here begrudging the minimal amount of assistance many disabled people get if that would make them feel better.

Next you will be asked if you are really blind if you can write on here?
People really don’t get it.
And it is shocking.
Thanks so much for your well-written and meaningful post. It means a lot.
Edited to add - I have worked with blind and partially sighted young people and saw first-hand of the additional equipment they needed. They were awesome kids who taught me far more than I ever gave back to them.

Totally agree with this! Have had snide comments aimed at my DH (with progressive MS) over the years making out as if he’s got a great life on PIP! He barely leaves the house & some days cant get out of bed cos his legs just wont work at all! On a good day he can walk about 10 steps ! But yeah the £184.30 pw he gets in higher rate PIP makes it all worth it!

I am exhausted. My body kills off blood cells which leaves me immunocompromised, the endometriosis pain when it happens is so bad I have to call in sick. Add to that the side effects of injections, the pressures of work and trying to balance the million hospital appointments and blood tests along with no letting anyone down at work
At weekends I end up sleeping for a good few hours in the day
People say oh claim PIP but I’m not sick enough for it but sick enough I’m struggling with working 40hrs

To those resentful of disabled claimants getting ‘ the same money’ as working people do you really think they get the equivalent of a full time salary ? PIP at most is £180 odd pw if you get the higher rate for both elements? I have no knowledge of UC as my DH only gets PIP as I have a decent salary. Just wondering how much people actually get if they have no other income or a working spouse ?

They’re family, we know. Why whenever someone calls out fact is it labelled as ableist? That kind of naivety to the fact that some people take advantage of the system is crazy to me. You must be very sheltered.

I’m very sorry you are suffering like that
leviosanotleviosa25

I had similar issues in the past so really sympathise.

I can’t comment on your family, and of course there are going to be some people who do get away with claiming without good cause because a benefits system is never going to be 100% perfect, but it is extremely difficult to do that nowadays. It is necessary to jump through many hoops in order to receive financial help of any sort.

I would rather have a system that accommodated a tiny fraud margin than one that robbed deserving people of essential help.

Also, I don’t think any disability payments could be described as generous, or worthy of envy.

And just because someone is related and think they know close family, doesn’t mean that they automatically have a fully comprehensive understanding of a relation’s private health challenges.

Unlike one of my siblings, I am in the fortunate position where I don’t need financial assistance, but I have some serious health challenges that I have chosen not to share with any close members of my family, and only my dh knows about the extent of them. So you really can’t be 100% sure of what goes on in another person’s life.

Sorry my post at 22.34 was in reply to
SunnySideDeepDown