Saw a whatsapp message about me 😞

[DreadingItagain]

We have a family WA group (me, DM, DSIS (2) and DB plus SIL and one BIL. Just because it makes it easier to share things and arrange things.

For context, I don’t work (due to disability and also my DS has one of the same disabilities as me).

A message popped up on the WA group from DB at around 2 pm today saying ‘So , what do we all think DreadingItagain will come up with now as a reason to not work ! Can’t see her getting away with it anymore !’ Obviously in relation to the spring budget. I saw it and replied ‘WTF???’ . Then nothing. No reply, No apology. Can only assume that they have another group as he put ‘we’?

I’ve never thought anyone resented me but clearly they do. I called DM and all she could say was ‘everyone is allowed an opinion and he hasn’t said it to your face’??? Spoke to one of my sisters who was evasive and denied there was another group. So I messaged on the family group ‘Clearly some of you have a problem with me and have been bitching about me and my child behind my back. Just in case you were wondering I do actually get 4 points in one descriptor so I don’t have anything to worry about at the current time in relation to my finances, my family on the other hand I do seem to need to worry about.’And I left the group.

Im really hurt though. Why are people so happy about the thought of others having a difficult time ???

Do you need them for anything? Like, do they provide you with things you cannot get elsewhere eg transport, childcare, are they a carer for you etc?

If not I would think about seeing them as people you’re related to rather than dear family. They (I say ‘they’ because he seems comfortable to speak like that, quite freely, and is not expecting to be told off by any of them) seem to think poorly of you. Do they need to help you or do they need to know about your finances/benefits/work/anything?

Has anyone else said anything? Have they all seen your message? Anyone messaged?

Who else do you have in your life to give you support? Do you need their support?

Just some things to think about.

There's alot of resentment building from people grafting working and paying taxes to enable others to get all sorts of benefits. If you genuinely can't work what they said was out of order, they obviously think you are taking advantage of the system

Im sorry OP this is awful. What a horrible thing to say especially from people that are meant to love you. Your mother’s response is shitty - is DB the golden child?

Do you do anything for your mum or wider family? I’d stop right now.

They are all bastards. And yes, chatting sht behind your back - I would disown them

If OP would score a 4 on the PIP descriptors as she says, she’s absolutely not skiving. It’s really not easy to score that high!

I’m guessing you have an invisible disability OP? People really don’t get it and I think all the recent speculation has brought out the worst in people. I think the current mood is that everyone on benefits is skiving and could work, if only they tried. But coming from your family who have seemed to be supportive, that’s a real dagger in the back.

From your description, it does seem as if there’s another chat unfortunately.

I think as PP have said, you’ve handled this perfectly. They need to come to you with an explanation and an apology. Of course people are entitled to hold their own views but when they’ve been clearly discussing you behind your back while being supportive to your face - I’d find that hard to forgive.

Do you have any other support in real life?

I think people are just tired of working their backsides off and seeing others not having to. I'm assuming they all know you and your child pretty well, so only you know if they've got a point. They probably won't say anything to you directly as they know it'll cause an argument/upset you.

How awful of them.

OP I would distance myself from them.

You don't want to be around people who are two-faced and critical like this.

For what it's worth, I don't think they necessarily have another group chat. 'We' could have meant 'you and I' rather than a larger group.

Absolute bunch of bastards. They obviously have another group.

I would cut them all off. You can’t trust them and they don’t have your best interests at heart.

Obviously if sister contacts you directly and is supportive, that would be nice, but your brother is nasty and your mother is siding with him.

You’ve dealt with it really well. Of course you’re hurt, it’s horrible.

Christ, even on this thread, the accusations, inferences, and insinuations are piling on.

It’s like this country has had a mass empathy removal procedure.

Maybe, just for once, understand and accept that some people really and truly can’t work eh?

There’s another WhatsApp chat, and you’re not in it.
They might not have said much to you, but I guarantee they’re on the other chat tearing him another one.
It’s out there now, they’ll be trying to downplay it and distance themselves from the comment. But ultimately it’s pretty shameful. You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone outside of your assessments, and frankly your ‘points’ and needs are your business.

That’s terrible. Maybe the others don’t think like them n it’s just him being a prick and ur mum doesn’t want to get involved. Which is also shittu

Because I also have a relative like this. We have exactly the same hereditary conditions. I work, they don't and haven't most of their adult life.

Resentment nicely created over time by focusing of ‘scroungers’ rather than those who ‘forget’ to pay £12 millions taxes (look at some previous ministers as an example).

It's no way to speak about family and very hurtful.

If the brother had reason to make a comment like that (if!) he could have had a supportive chat with the OP herself. Being tired of paying taxes / doubting the OP's disability is no excuse.

OP, is it possible that any other group he is in is just him, his partner and other people? Not all your family? Hope you get some answers about this.

Absolutely some people can't work and need financial support and benefits. It's what the welfare state was setup to support. There are also many who can work but have chosen to live off the tax payer on freebies and handouts and that number is growing hence the action the government is taking today. The welfare state is now out of control

Surely you’re also aware that the same condition doesn’t affect everyone the same way?!?

I can’t even think of something to say in reply that’s polite.

What a miserable, shameful thing to say. I'm sorry, OP 🙏 You did the right thing by leaving the group. They clearly don't have your back, so I'd minimise contact with them. You are better off without miserable gits in your life anyway 💐

I would of said to your DM that the fact he said it behind your back is even worse, shame he didn’t have the ball’s to say it to your face, I’d also say let’s hope he doesn’t need financial help from the DWP in the future as you are sure he would be criticised for it in the group chat.

That’s awful OP, completely understand you must feel so betrayed by them all. As for your Mum’s comment about not saying it to your face, does she not realise that’s worse?!

I know it’s a sensitive subject and very in the news right now, but you would expect the people who know you best to back you and reassure you they know you are legitimate

So sorry, it must be a real kick in the teeth 😢

Well I know they manage to do things they want to do! I also know our symptoms are also identical as we discuss them.

It’s almost as if different people are affected differently by things, isn’t it?

I had a minor operation, the sort of thing that people leave hospital the day after the op. I was in for five days. Typical time off work is one week. I had over a month. It is what it is. It’s comments like this that are poisonous actually.