Saw a whatsapp message about me 😞

[DreadingItagain]

We have a family WA group (me, DM, DSIS (2) and DB plus SIL and one BIL. Just because it makes it easier to share things and arrange things.

For context, I don’t work (due to disability and also my DS has one of the same disabilities as me).

A message popped up on the WA group from DB at around 2 pm today saying ‘So , what do we all think DreadingItagain will come up with now as a reason to not work ! Can’t see her getting away with it anymore !’ Obviously in relation to the spring budget. I saw it and replied ‘WTF???’ . Then nothing. No reply, No apology. Can only assume that they have another group as he put ‘we’?

I’ve never thought anyone resented me but clearly they do. I called DM and all she could say was ‘everyone is allowed an opinion and he hasn’t said it to your face’??? Spoke to one of my sisters who was evasive and denied there was another group. So I messaged on the family group ‘Clearly some of you have a problem with me and have been bitching about me and my child behind my back. Just in case you were wondering I do actually get 4 points in one descriptor so I don’t have anything to worry about at the current time in relation to my finances, my family on the other hand I do seem to need to worry about.’And I left the group.

Im really hurt though. Why are people so happy about the thought of others having a difficult time ???

I thought this too but then it's odd no one else OP spoke to seems shocked by it.

Did the OP’s brother maybe delete his message before anyone else had a chance to read it?

I’m so sorry, OP, that is very hurtful indeed. Especially coming from your family who you thought was loving and supportive. Disgusting behaviour.

I'm not even on about minimum wage, in most places where jobs are available minimum wage wouldn't sufficiently support anyone even in a basic way. The people working on minimum wage will also be claiming benefits as their pay wouldn't cover their living costs. Many people who don't work and are in receipt of benefits have an income either similar to or above someone earning a fair bit more than min wage, depending on circumstances. The difference is their life is easier because they 1. Don't have to spend 40 hours a week out of the house and using all their energy at work and 2. Usually have more secure income and accommodation because it's all set up and the council will pay whatever the landlords ask for. If someone is earning their own money and their rent and bills go up, their pay doesn't always (and usually doesn't) go up with it.

For what it’s worth, unless you are living day in, day out with someone who is disabled/has a chronic health condition/seriously ill, I think it’s very hard to see how debilitating these conditions can be. You generally are only seeing them at their very best, a lot of people can put on a mask for for a couple of hours around other people because they really don’t want everything to be about them, or be seen as different. They can mask debilitating pain (doesn’t mean they aren’t in it), you don’t see their struggles, you don’t see reality.

@DreadingItagain, it might be worth writing a letter to your brother (not that you should have to), outlining exactly how your disability affects you on a day to day basis, what a profound affect it has on your life. Maybe it won’t change how he feels, but just maybe he’s just ignorant of your struggles and actually once he sees them more he’d understand.

A single person working full time on minimum wage isn’t entitled to any benefits.

Also I think you are missing the point that if you are disabled or ill enough not to be able to work, your life in general is also just as exhausting (in many cases more exhausting) as working a full time job.

That comment undermines how exhausting work is for the majority of.people. the majority of people who don't work, whether they're disabled or not, will have a LOT more energy left at the end of the week than a working person. A lot of people in work also have disabilities so have to deal with the dual eneegy drain of their health issues and work. What people here are trying to argue is that being disabled entitles you to a full life with your own house to live in while the lower working class can have nothing despite working their whole lives away. Sounds like there's something of a forgotten underclass in this country, and funnily enough they were the ones expected to carry on going to work during the pandemic etc.

Anyone is entitled to benefits if their income doesn't cover their basic living costs. That's kind of what they're for.

@FlyingUnicornWings But the OP isn't trying to sort it in a positive way either. She's complaining about her family on MN instead of addressing it properly with her family. She's also ignoring any advice on MN that doesn't 100% agree with her. She's had a conversation with her brother and he's tried to explain where he's coming from, but the OP doesn't want to know and now she's turning her back on them.

Perhaps she agrees with him?

The cut off for a single person is chronically low, I think you have to be earning less that £1300 to get Universal Credit. It’s almost impossible, even with a house share to survive on £1300 a month as a single person. It’s all wrong, the whole system is wrong and needs overhauling.

What a bunch of arseholes! That must have been so hurtful and I'm glad you called them out.

I think it's hypocritical of OP to make this judgemental statement. If OP could/had to work, they'd probably have to put their child in childcare under 3yo, and wouldn't be throwing that comment to others, I reckon.

If you’re single and on min wage then no you won’t get anything unless you’re working just a few hours a week
I work 40hrs a week min wage and don’t claim anything as I’m not entitled to as that income is way over
I think UC is something like £370pm if you’re single so no way you could live on that

Many pensioners manage on just that!

Hear bloody hear. I'm sick of it too, in society generally as well as on MN.

It's horrible to see isn't it. I always recommend reading the famous words of Niemoller to anyone recommending the government "deal with" a certain group of people (pensioners, disabled, single mums, whatever).

You do realise that around 80% of pensioners own their own homes, of which a tiny fraction still have a mortgage and only 5% on pensioners are in private rentals? Yes it’s hard living on a pension, however private rent isn’t taken out of it in the vast majority of cases. Try living on a wage just above the state pension and having to pay private rent out of it.

370pcm would be a lot left over after your living expenses come out on minimum wage. People on UC get their licjgn expenses covered in addition to the allowance

They don’t. They have to pay water, gas, electric, broadband, mortgage
they might be entitled to some housing costs if rented

Living expenses is rent and council tax, £370 has to cover all utilities, food, household items like washing liquid, soap etc, travel expenses for a month!

Here you go
I put in age 40, working 20hrs a week and earning £13ph, in rented accommodation costing £600 a month
I would get £103 a week towards housing and call it £54UC so £628pm
that would cover my rent and I would have to find an extra £28pm to add
everything else would be down to me
if I had a mortgage I wouldn’t get anything except the UC

Rented accommodation costing 600pcm? It's either in the middle of nowhere or a room in a househsare. Neither of which are likely accessible or decent to live in for a working person. It's normal these days for rentals to cost more than the landlord's monthly mortgage repayments.

Unless she agrees, which is very telling