Is it ok for a man to hit a woman if she slaps him first?

[Comparethemarket]

Just looking for opinions on this as I don't want to reveal anything to RL friends.

I was reflecting on my relationship with my ex, which was abusive in many ways (and certainly toxic, if not abusive).

Sometimes I'd say something, or ask something eg wanting reassurance (yes, I know that's needy, but there were circumstances in which I felt very insecure for good reason).

When I'd ask something about "us" there were times he'd lose his temper, shouting and screaming at me. I'd try to calm him down and plead with him to stop. On a couple of occasions he then pulled up something that just made me snap and I slapped him across the face (one of these times was saying something derogatory about my then teen children, another time he was shouting and screaming, threatening to leave and I just saw red).

I know I shouldn't have slapped him across the face, but immediately that I did on both occasions he hit me back, much harder. The first time he split my lip in retaliation and the second time I was bruised for a week afterwards.

I said it was my fault because I slapped him first, so he was therefore the victim of physical abuse.

I know everything about this relationship was so very wrong and I'm not asking for opinions on that. I'm out of it now and it will stay that way.

I know I was wrong to slap him first. I saw red and it was a way of trying to defend myself whilst he was screaming at me and telling me he didn't care.

Is he right though? Was I the one being abusive by hitting him, or saying something which made him angry in the first place?

Please no judgements. I'm just struggling to process what has happened.

Having worked in bars ,nightclubs and rugby club in my 20’s
I can assure you there are men who couldn’t punch the way out of a wet paper bag and I’ve seen women with a punch that would equal any man

ultimately if you throw a punch expect one back irrespective of gender

theres always an imbalance what would you say if a 5ft 9st man punched a 6ft body builder

Don't be ridiculous. It's not tit for rat.

In a ideal world no one in a relationship should put there hands on another in aggression.
Should a man retaliate after being struck by his partner? personally I never did. I may have caught her arm to stop getting hit with pan at times other than that a strike from a man potentially will cause a lot more damage. Neither of you should assaulting each other you probably both need couple councilling and anger management.

No xx

I have never hit a woman that slapped me first. I do not advise a man to do so.

Their relationship is already over.