Massively, massively happier. Or at least far less unhappy. Not sure Ive got to the happiness stage, but it's closer.
But it's been hard for the children. He was alienating them from me in the last months and it's hard. Since leaving I have -no- influence on what goes on in that house, which has included hitting the children, oppressive negativity, completely unreasonable expectations and literally sending the youngest to school with stained, smelly, too-small clothes and hair so matted it had to be cut off when he come to my house.
I had to face the fact that with his lack of sense of danger, there was a possibility of a lethal accident.
But there was no choice about leaving in the end - I dont even know how I did it. I was very beaten down, to the point of not speaking, just doing what he wanted and not ever putting my pov. There was no pleasure in life as it wasn't worth enjoying anything; he'd suck the enjoyment out of the situation. Anything that I valued he'd break. There was only a grim endurance. I was afraid of him, I think, while at the same time despising his arrogance, his unkindness, his lack of care for the children, his contrariness, his profound dishonesty/lack of accountability/inability to see the impact of his actions. In the end when he wanted to talk about something, the words that it was over just came out of my mouth from nowhere.
The main problem was that I chose an idiotic arrogant and sometimes cruel tosspot to be the father of my children, and there were going to be parenting problems together or apart. And there are. If you stay together one can ameliorate some of the effects, or he can do the opposite of what you suggest, however stupid. If you are apart, there can be a gigantic relief and there's the chance of becoming yourself again. It's a damn slow process mind you, and I'm not the person I was. For example, I see some traits mentioned on this thread (lack of communication over important decisions with one's partner, for example) that I'm guilty of, because there was just no point trying to communicate with ex-husband. You learn to rely on yourself and yourself alone, and to try to avoid dealing with him or communicating with him because he simply made everything much much harder. I need to un-learn those habits, and to try to share more with my current partner. He's a lot 'safer' and these old habits are destructive to the relationship. He's also ten times the man that my ex is in all ways and deserves the best I can give, not the habit of withdrawal.