Family Drama vs serious activity

[Staceysmum2025]

I will delete this account shortly just looking for thoughts.

My sibling married someone had two children and has tried to reinvent himself to a degree.
But there are skeletons in the cupboard like ever family all bit these are serious.

Does someone marrying into a family with 2 small children have the right to know she is sharing space with a convicted/ imprisoned child sex offender for example?

The person pleaded guilty. Served the sentence. Its now being rewritten as they just thought theyd plea bargain.
This was after paying £15,000 to the victim in 2002 - alot of money at the time to pay them off.
Doesn’t sound like a lack of guilt to me.

The information has been kept from the parents by the grandparents.

First, they are not at work acting in a professional capacity. Family members are not impartial or expected to be.

They have access to the information. They had it before and you've sent it again, and not wanting to engage with you or listen to your description and views - given you yourself are not a victim and have no direct involvement in the case - does not mean they're not acting appropriately on the information. What do you want them to do differently in regards to children in the family, the offender, or past victims?

I’d always tell someone something like this. I’d want to know if my child could be in danger.

This would seriously make me reconsider my relationship with family members who think it’s okay to just brush this under the covers.

It is EVERYONES job to safeguard children.
If your family member won't do it you need to.

What response do you want?
The wife did not have the information at all. It’s been kept from her.
Obviously, as a minimum I would condemnation and outcasting. But I would’ve expected that 20 years ago. Clearly that’s not going to be the case.

And that’s part of a wider issue he definitely sees his wife and the children as his possessions. Lots of red flags.

I look at it as 10 years of not being caught ….

Obviously, as a minimum I would condemnation and outcasting. But I would’ve expected that 20 years ago. Clearly that’s not going to be the case.

This seems focused on punishing the offender and expressing anger and disgust, and those are desires I certainly share with you but they're not actually the same as safeguarding issues.

I feel like my questions were extremely clear and specific. What do you want your brother and his wife or other family members to do differently to better protect the children? Are children in the family ever being left alone with this person? Is there ongoing harm being done to a victim by family member words or actions towards them? Are people concealing or failing to report other incidents of abuse to authorities? Are you raising specific concerns about the offender's unsupervised access to or behavior around children that are being ignored? I fully understand you want the person outcasted and why, but how will that have an impact on child safety or victim wellbeing compared to what is happening now?

These aren't rhetorical questions by the way, I'm genuinely asking because you haven't discussed it in all of your posts yet you keep talking about safeguarding failures in vague terms. If you reported to social services or tried to report your brother and SIL in a professional capacity these same questions would be asked - can you give specific examples of how children are currently being endangered or how they are failing to act to stop/prevent ongoing abuse? Social services isn't interested in who's being outcasted, they want to know what specific access a sexual offender is being given to children, whether inappropriate behavior is being allowed around children, whether victims are being discouraged from reporting or denied care, if an adult has failed to report abuse or suspected abuse to authorities, etc.

So you say the step daughter was abused and then beaten into silence, then after the step dad had served his time then was released for pleading guilty to sexually abusing an entirely different child, her child was then removed from her care and given to the sexual abuser and his wife?

I'm sorry OP but where the fuck were you while all this was going on?

Did you not think to mention any of this to social services at the time?

So the stepdaughter - that’s my cousin this allegation has literally only just come to light.
Where the fuck was I ? I was 9-15 myself at the time that it actually happened when she was beaten? I’ve been quite severely beaten myself at that time and my dad decided not to press charges for some reason that only ever been known to him. I do strongly feel that the whole pack of cards would’ve come down at that stage had he.
And of course we believed at the time that she deserved it. She was taking drugs running away in the middle of the night.
I myself was told by my grandmother that I had deserved a damn good hiding, trying to remember what my crime was oh yes, I’d overdosed. Again trying to get away from these dickheads. I sat outside accident in emergency with 30 paracetamol in my 11-year-old’s body and was told that we couldn’t go in because daddy would get into trouble.
Probably because I was covered in defence wound injuries.

were social services alerted ? Repeatedly.
The cousin was found in a car that crashed having overdosed with a gun in the car.
And that was the time when social Services actually did intervene. And placed her daughter with the auntie and the sexual abuser.
No idea if anything happened to the stepdaughter’s daughter.
Maybe my auntie was a bit more vigilant by that point.
But as you can see, it’s quite a mess.

And on the one hand I completely understand why my brother would not want his wife to know any of that history. And he does want to reinvent himself of course he does.

To a degree I’ve done it

OP, why are you still involved with any of these people? You don't actually seem to like your brother or approve of his attitude towards his wife and kids, your grandmother and parents enabled physical abuse and blamed you, your aunt refused to leave a man who molested a child and then brought another child into the home, and you're understandably filled with rage towards the whole lot of them... outcasting your uncle 20 years after he committed a crime isn't going to fix any of them or undo any of the harm they've done. Perhaps it's time to focus on distancing yourself.

Absolutely
I suppose the issue has been explaining it to my children as to why the distance has been imposed
Because you have to remember, they’re not taking any of this lying down, in particular my mother is adamant that she’s entitled to a relationship with my children and contacts them via social media when they block her, she’ll set up another account etc.

But yes, the obvious answer is to leave them all to it

They are coming to the age where they’ll be dead soon. And maybe Everything amongst the siblings and the cousins can be reset at that point.

5-12 yo is absolutely abhorrent and shows he is a true paedophile in every sense of the word

these people always pose a risk and are so so dangerous- manipulative, sly and calculating

I know that it must have been hard for you to speak up so well done for that

personally if I was you I would ring the non emergency police number for advice on your scenario

see what they advise