Family Drama vs serious activity

[Staceysmum2025]

I will delete this account shortly just looking for thoughts.

My sibling married someone had two children and has tried to reinvent himself to a degree.
But there are skeletons in the cupboard like ever family all bit these are serious.

Does someone marrying into a family with 2 small children have the right to know she is sharing space with a convicted/ imprisoned child sex offender for example?

The person pleaded guilty. Served the sentence. Its now being rewritten as they just thought theyd plea bargain.
This was after paying £15,000 to the victim in 2002 - alot of money at the time to pay them off.
Doesn’t sound like a lack of guilt to me.

The information has been kept from the parents by the grandparents.

I'm very urban and apparently there are 3-4 historical offenders within 5 minutes walk of my house. I was told that by a neighbour 25 years ago.
We actually looked at a gorgeous house next door to one and viewed it several times.
We met them on one of the viewings, lovely couple, very pleasant man, in their 50's.....he had abused his nieces apparently some years before...suspended sentence 🙄very affluent area. Its absolutely everywhere sadly.

Under the Child Sex Offender Disclosure Scheme (CSODS) the police can tell parents, carers and guardians if someone has a record for child sexual offences.
The scheme is also known as Sarah’s Law, after 8-year-old Sarah Payne who was murdered in 2000 by a convicted sex offender.
The aim of this scheme is to keep children safe.

My family is in the midst of a child sex abuse case right now. It took three years of police investigation and deliberation by the CPS and then another year of making it's way through the court system before it was brought to trial. The police are very thorough and the bar for evidence for prosecution is extremely high. There's no way, if he served time, that he didn't do it imo. It just would never have gotten that far without solid evidence.

Edit to add, during the investigation the perpetrators new spouse found out and is standing by them. Shocking what some people think is ok.

But they have to request that id imagine ?
I have a much older teen, I could try and put in a request to gather proof.

But as I say he was tying himself up in knots telling me about how people make false allegations and put themselves through court trials apparently with their own “agendas”
Its all madness

I completely agree.

The wife absolutely should know. I would be furious if an entire family kept me in the dark about this and there was even a <1% chance of exposing them to this. Please tell her.

It will never fail to astound and sicken me what family and loved ones will sweep under the carpet and minimise. I’ve seen it so many times, it’s brutally heartbreaking.

Getting any kind of conviction is extremely difficult. The only people who matter here are the innocent children who deserve to be protected. Even if this person is believed to be not a risk - it’s not worth it. The mother deserves to have the facts and to make that decision for herself.

A few years ago i would have agreed with you. But knowing a friend who was convicted and served time for an offence that his accuser has since admitted he didn't do (we already know she was lying because of various inconsistencies in her story), I'm now very dubious of saying anyone who serves time is definitely guilty - especially as the police investigating this case lost a lot of crucial evidence that proved he was innocent!

I think that is very much in the minority.

I’d get all the information together and send it anonymously.

I suggest this because they could associate what your saying with personal feelings you may have about the person and not genuine concern.

Document it. Evidence it. Send it anonymously.

Then if nothing happens you need to consider what could be done to protect the children.

I would not personally have anything to do with a pedo.

Not really! Just look at the stats

I'm surprised the SO is even allowed to live with children.

You MUST tell her, immediately. Imagine if something happened to one of those kids and you hadn't told her.

Its too late for that.

I would want to know if it were my kids. Just to make extra assurances they are safe, like not leaving them alone in that persons care!

See how these people can groom anyone, even safeguarding professionals. How arrogant of your brother to think he knows better. Shame on him

So are we concluding 98% of reported sexual assaults dont end up with convictions and out of the 2% that we do a percentage are unsafe.
What a time to be alive

You can discuss this with your local children’s services ( can do this anonymously) they will explore and if they think there is a safeguarding risk based on the evidence then they have the right to disclose more than the police.

They could request a strategy discussion which would give them up to date police information - accurate not hearsay or gossip.
They are then able to share all information required to keep children safe.

They would probably ask to complete an assessment depending on the risk and put in place an agreed safety plan with the parents.

People will always champion the guilty. I know of two extremely guilty people. One got away with it because of a lack of evidence. 6 women came forward but only one stuck with and gave a statement to police. This was because the accused partner lobbied a huge hate campaign against the accusers and threatened to stop at nothing to prove her man was innocent. He categorically wasn’t, but if you ask anyone from his side they will all tell you how his life was ruined by false accusations.

My own abuser plead guilty. All his friends and family will tell you that he only plead guilty in an attempt to avoid jail, and was advised to do so by his lawyer. I argue that no lawyer worth their salt is telling someone to plead guilty, when they maintain they absolutely are innocent, for a crime with a 2% conviction rate of high almost never sees fire time offenders go to jail.

People also tell tales about how I “changed my story” entirely at the trial when it went to court. Which is interesting for a number of reasons. Most of all the fact i never stepped foot in a court room.. what with him pleading guilty and all. No trial took place.

For two years I faced aggression and couldn’t speak about any of it because he was “innocent until proven guilty” - only for that to mean nothing. Proven guilty, but only by “default” or to avoid jail, or the justice system got it wrong. I remain a villain to many.

In essence, like I say, people will say absolutely all sorts to make it undoubtable to others that these men are innocent. They anre are in fact victims themselves. But time and time again they simply fucking aren’t.

I’m just going to chime in and say please, please, please tell the mother.
I found out that my mother was in a relationship with a convicted peadophile (18 convictions) and found out by a phone call - someone reported him but my children were 5 so had been around him for 5 years. My mum knew by the way. I am forever grateful to the person who made that phone call and I found out eventually!

I’m so sorry. I could never forgive my mother for this. I’m so glad someone reached out to you and it is absolutely why OP should feel justified to do the same

My mother has not been in my life since I had the phone call from the police reading out the 18 convictions of his despicable crimes. They told that she had known for over 10 years.
He is still on the sex offenders register and we made a statement against him which he was prosecuted for as well for breaking his restrictions. No actual jail time though.

You did the right thing. It is never easy to stand up against your family but you put the children’s safety before anything else unlike your family. Who on earth gets into a relationship with a convicted child sex offender and then wants to cover it up and allow him access to their loved ones (or any child)? Well done OP.

If he was convincted, I didn't think their name ever came off the sex register?

You did the right thing.

I have a similar "grenade" to lob into my family at some point. A relative we're all close to once told us that they have had "thoughts" about children. No one really believes that this person would ever act on them. But since then, I've had DD and cannot risk her being alone with this relative ever. She's young enough at the moment that I can just not leave her with them, but there's scenarios I can see when she's older where other relatives I'd trust her with might not think about them being a problem.

Unfortunately, they are the relative that everyone always supports. So what I see happening when I eventually have to be really clear on them never being alone with DD is that DH and I will be shut down/out and it will cause damage to important relationships. Hence why I've not said it yet. But if I ever left her alone with this person and anything did happen, I'd never forgive myself for letting it get there.

It seems to after 10 years because he served less than a year. I mean I hope not.