Family Drama vs serious activity

[Staceysmum2025]

I will delete this account shortly just looking for thoughts.

My sibling married someone had two children and has tried to reinvent himself to a degree.
But there are skeletons in the cupboard like ever family all bit these are serious.

Does someone marrying into a family with 2 small children have the right to know she is sharing space with a convicted/ imprisoned child sex offender for example?

The person pleaded guilty. Served the sentence. Its now being rewritten as they just thought theyd plea bargain.
This was after paying £15,000 to the victim in 2002 - alot of money at the time to pay them off.
Doesn’t sound like a lack of guilt to me.

The information has been kept from the parents by the grandparents.

No, your OP is not clear at all.

If you have a news article or similar proof, set up a burner email and send the proof to your SIL.

Your "D"B can't prove it was you who tipped her off.

And don't let your kids be around the abuser at all, and don't let your kids be around "D"B without you being physically present.

I think it's worth contacting social services who will do an assessment, and they will speak with the police regarding his criminal history.

They may well just want to speak to your DB/DSiL about the risk, but they'll definitely take it seriously.

Coming from an "official" source might just give your brother reason to reconsider what he thinks he knows.

Putting them on the radar of SS may keep these kids safe, so I'd happily take this step in your position.

Bloody Hell!
Of course the mother of two small children needs to know! Tell her! He's a convicted sex offender ffs!
If she doesn't know, then she can't keep her children safe at family events and gatherings etc.
It'll be a bit late after the children have been sexually abused... Imagine being that mother and finding out everyone but her knew, and didn't tell her.

I would have absolutely told and I wouldn't give a fuck who didn't like it. I would report that he's in close contact to children via SS. Family drama my arse. Not telling only protects the perpetrator. In my family 6 kids I know of were all SA by the same person. Nothing was done because they didn't want to destroy the family name. Instead they destroyed the children's lives.

I know someone with a similar situation.
It was her brother. And he pleaded guilty ‘because that’s what the lawyer said was best. But he was wrong’ 😳😳

Everyone, absolutely everyone in the family believed him. Incl his wife. They had 3 young children too.

The dis recency between the reality and the image of who the person is is just too big fir them to handle.

Could you look at court archives, I think you may need to pay but you might find some info out that way.

Yes, absolutely they should know. A convicted sex offender is a convicted sex offender regardless of how long ago they were on the register. And the fact that the people around him are minimising and making excuses for the offender would make me worry that they are a risk too and none of them would be with my child unsupervised.

If it’s local news … local library

Absolutely, she needs to know to keep the children safe.

Your local library might have archived or digitised versions of past local newspapers?

I think the issue is even if I spend all my time digging through the archives and pay to find these newspaper reports. They’re just not gonna believe it anyway.

Does that matter though, you've told her, so surely you've done your moral duty.. what they choose to do with that information is really up to them.

Was the cousin who made further allegation against the sex offender this persons step child? Was it ever followed up? What happened to them?

Yes she was the step daughter.

She became a drug addict. SS involved with her children.
Lots of issues, all makes sense now.

@Staceysmum2025

Bloody Hell! He molested his step daughter and his WIFE, the child's mother!, is still with him? There is a special place in Hell for both of them.

I think at this point it's not about convincing your brother and/or his wife, it's about protecting the children. So if your purpose in trying to dig through newspaper archives is to convince them, it's probably an exercise in futility. Search for proof if you want, but don't expect what you find to change anything. There are none so blind as those who will not see.

Speak to SS, give them all the info you have and the facts you can remember. Ask them if you should speak to the school or if they will do so. Ask them what you should do now and follow their advice. Police records don't just disappear, and I expect SS has a way of getting information through official sources. Chances are that SS will tell you 'we'll take it from here' and you must let them.

I wouldn't contact anyone's employer. As it stands you'd be making an accusation that you can't back up with proof. You could end up in legal hot water if one or both of them lose their jobs.

What specifically would you like to see your sibling and his wife do differently? Is the offender spending time alone with their children? Have they been attacking his victim? Do you want all adults in the extended family to refuse contact with him?

You said above you don’t think your sibling and his wife should keep their jobs but I don’t understand what exactly you think they’ve done wrong besides not want to discuss it with you.

But nothing was ever followed up with this, why not?

So your cousin went off the rails at 13 made allegations against her step dad and then what, no one believed her? Now she is dependent on drugs and has SS involved heavily with her children.

Did this happen before or after he pleaded guilty for molesting another child? Surely at the point of the trial it would have been assumed she was a victim herself, even if she wasn't believed at the time of her allegations, so why was nothing ever done about it?

Because people lie.
She had the shit beaten out of her and never mentioned the allegations again

The child of the abused step daughter were removed by SS after the husband was convicted and out of prison and given to the grandmother (my aunt) and therefore the SA - who either SS didnt know lived in the house (unlikely), or they didn’t care.

I laugh hollowly when people say leave it to SS. They are negligently ineffective.

I think their judgement is off to say the least.

Look at it this way. Anonymous message via burner FB stating Sarah's law please then delete.

Or in 10 years your feelings guilty as your attending court and 2 small children (are they male or female children) are giving evidence qith shattered lifes.

Isn’t he on the register for life?

No, it doesn’t work like that. You would expect so but after 10 years without reoffending I presume you come off it.

If you ever feel sad about being the black sheep, remember you are brilliant parents. It was unforgivable what they tried to do.

This was not even an attempt to answer my question.

What exactly would you like your brother and his wife to do differently? Is the offender spending time alone with their children? Have they been attacking his victim? Do you want all adults in the extended family to refuse contact with him? What actions or inactions of theirs beyond not wanting to discuss this with you are you unhappy about?

I think they need further training in safeguarding if his immediate response to an accusation is that yhe victim is lying especially given he is responsible for children away from their parents in a professional capacity.
If they don’t want to have a conversation that of course is their prerogative but they don’t get to choose whether they hear the information or not as parents there is something one just has to be told, whether it’s easy listening or not