I called the police on my daughter in law and it's gone wrong

[feellikechickentonight]

The other week I was walking my dog and I ended up walking past my son and daughter in law's house, as I walked past i could hear her going ballistic at what I presumed to be him. The house isnt too far back from the path and the bathroom window was open, hence being able to hear everything.

I listened for a minute or so and she was absolutely relentless, calling him awful names, for context he is physically disabled and some of those insults were related to his disability, I couldn't hear him responding in kind, just pleading with her to calm down and fearing for his safety i called the police and they said they'd check that everything was okay but couldn't give a time.

I went home as I had an appointment, i was also very angry at what I'd heard and was worried if I confronted them that it'd make the situation worse. A few hours later I got a phone call from my son asking me if I'd called the police, when I said yes he then got very terse and said what the hell was I doing, that they were having a very heated discussion about something, he confirmed that the police had been round, they'd spoken to him separately as I had told the police what I'd heard his wife screaming at him.

Anyway the police were happy it was a domestic dispute and they left, I've been told by my son to stay away from him and my grandson etc, my husband and other son have said that j completely overreacted, some couples have a row but it's better than not ever arguing and then one day just exploding. My daughter in law is said to be absolutely furious.

I'm heart broken, how do I fix this? I had hoped that the police would get social services involved due to them having a child and giving them a kick up the arse but it seems have backfired.

And people wonder why MILs get such a bad press on here.....🙄

And people are on the side of the abusive woman. Awful. I have a disabled adult child in this is so upsetting.

The GC will also be hearing this abuse and thinking it's normal. It's a hate crime, not a domestic argument.

Wow you hoped the social would get involved. Have I read that correct? Jesus

So you feared for his immediate safety and rather than knock the door you called the police who could have taken god knows how long to respond to your call?

I suspect you knew your son was perfectly safe and that what you actually wanted was to cause strife for your daughter in law…

And if the Daughter in law had killed him and she didn’t call the police you would all be jumping on her saying, you could have done more, if only you had phoned the police!!! Can’t win no matter what you do

Good Lord... am I reading these replys correctly?
Chnage that around and imagine she overheard her SonInLaw going at her daughter? Would you give her the same pasting youre giving her here?
Domestic abuse ( which is absolutely what it is given the descriptions by the OP) occurs at the hands of females too... and one of the biggest barriers is Men reporting it as its often downplayed (see all previous posts) some of you need to seriously think about what youre saying.

Wow so many having a go at the woman and sticking up for her daughter in law.bhad it been her daughter who was being shouted at and abused by a husband who could physically overpower her it would be a different story.
Was you right to call police? I don't know. But all you can do now is damage limitation. Explane to son when he has calmed down your concerns for his safety. And make it known that should he ever need somewhere to go if he feels it's gotten too much you are there for him. In the meantime time try and be supportive of his decision. The more you push him and his wife away the harder it will be for him to leave and have a safe place to come should he need it.

so If she’d gone to the door, spoke to her Daughter in law about what was being said, are we suggesting the DIL would the have apologised and never done it again? No an abuser is an abuser and it would’ve spiralled and the op would have become too involved to ever be able to judge the situation with clarity again.
This was without doubt abuse and given the language used she did the right thing.

in time it will either get better or get worse and if it is to get worse at least this is the start of the recordings.

Op I would leave it a little while then text your son or call him and say he may not need it now or want it now but there is always a home for him at yours

@feellikechickentonight you did the right thing. Arguments esp when they include personal insults can escalate quickly. Female on male violence does happen and can be fatal.

Your DIL sounds like dream girl (not)!

Im not sure why you admitted calling the police though, you should have asked why your DS would think that unless they heard you making the call. He should appreciate you were looking out fir him but he is currently trying to keep the piece with his angry wife.

Anyways it's now done.

You did nothing wrong.

Your DIL can be as angry as she likes. She needs to wind her neck in and reflect on her behaviour.

Stay away for a while and let things settled. Tell then the truth. You we're worried it would escalate and couldn't think of a better way to deal with it. Next time you'll just knock on to interrupt them!

You could have rang the doorbell (pretending not to have heard) but they’d know you did. That would have been effective, I think. But maybe you froze, understandably… But you responded.

The DIL is vile .

Can’t believe some of the replies on here.

Your DIL sounds absolutely vile OP. I’d be worried too for your son’s safety.

I totally agree. I work in this area and OP I think you did the right thing.

DIL sounds abusive, im not sure ive seen many posters here denying that. But calling the police in this scenario has done none involved any good. Just harm. OP has helped to push her son further away from his safety net. That's all this has achieved. She should have called him, not the police.

My thoughts entirely.

You give it a rest. You're clearly loving being cruel for some reason.

You’re either blindly in a DV relationship so see no wrong in this, the abuser in the relationship hence why you’re disgustingly making out this treatment of OP’s son is in ANY way normal or acceptable, or you’re OP’s abusive DIL!!!
I’m actually shocked at the amount of utter muppets in this thread condoning her behaviour. If he was to be killed at the hands of DIL and OP knew what was happening and it was in the news the mobs would be out with their pit h forks shouting about why his family knew and done nothing and that they’re just as bad!!! People are absolutely criminally stupid these days that they complain when someone does something about someone being abused and complain when they don’t do anything!!! Can’t win it seems 😏

Wow, so you unknowingly to them, twisted their private argument, to suit your agenda. And quote, ' I had hoped that the police would get social services involved due to them having a child and giving them a kick up the arse'.
Some granny you are, hoping social services would get involved.
Wow just, nasty and interfering.
Why didn't you just knock the door yourself, tell them you could hear. I'm sure they would have stopped.

I'd be fuming, done with you.

It’s scary the amount of replies on here seeing nothing wrong in what the DIL said or done during previously (blatantly obviously) abusing OP’s son. Some of these idiots on here need to picture their own child on the receiving end of their son/daughters partner screaming abuse at them and refusing to allow them to leave.

I think you were in the right. You were trying to protect your son. Your DIL sounds horrible. I think you’ll need to grovel to get back into your son’s life though and I think you’ll should. You need to keep quiet but stay observant. Good luck.

She sounds a lot more sane than the vile DIL hurling ableist abuse but clearly people have very warped views here. I guess we all should ignore blatant DV if a woman is perpetrating.

You're still not satisfied because you hoped the police would get social services involved? I have no suggestion on how to improve this other than you move further away from each other so you can't overhear any more disagreements that don't concern you.

I'm surprised so many people are sticking up for the DIL. I bet they'd change their tune if it was the son who'd been abusive.
OP did the right thing IMO. Called the police to make sure everyone was safe. And is now giving her son the space he wants. I would get in touch with him in a couple of days. Tell him you only did it because you were worried and you are there if he needs you.
Your DIL sounds like a nasty piece of work but try to avoid criticising her or you'll alienate your son.