long term relationship mid 60s DP me 50+ no provisions despite wealth

[midlifefears]

I left my ex husband many years ago because he did not want to have children but 'forgot' to tell me. I then met another man who promised me the world including child and marriage. I waited through my mid 30s, my 40s and now I am in my early 50s. A child and marriage did not materialise. We did not even get engaged for all these years. DP has adult children. I have grown resentment ever since my 50th birthday and I also realised that now when my DP is mid 60s he made no provisions for in case something happens to him. Because I am not married to him I will literally end up on the street. The house is solely in his name and for his DCs to inherit, his private pension is for his DCs. We also rent a v expensive property due to work location. Outside it looks like a fabulous lifestyle but I really fear for my future. I tried to approach the topic and each time he shuts me down with 'oh you are all doom and gloom and want me to die already' - the point is I don't actually why would I? It would literally leave me homeless.
I thought about this even further - a paid carer at least would build something over the years ie savings, pension etc but he had nearly 15 years of me around and does not think about looking after me in the future.
I do not know what to think. I entered this relationship so many years ago on the basis of pure love and promise of life and future but now it seems he gets all the benefits of having a 'wife' without the costs of securing my future specially having in mind the age gap.
What would you think? What woudld you do? How do I secure my future?

Sorry OP but you aren't naive in your mid 30s. You'd already gone through a divorce and been left with nothing. I'd expect you to be very wised up after that. An older man wooed you, offered you a nice lifestyle and you took it. Now you aren't happy because he didn't marry you and give you security. You must have known 10 years ago that kids were off the table but you still stayed. Now you are looking at caring for an old man and you don't like it. So it's simple, leave. I really don't see you as the gullible, injured party you are making out to be.

I find this comment to be almost wilfully unpleasant. It's a well recognised phenomenon that people who have had one abusive relationship are sadly at higher risk of entering another abusive relationship. It's not difficult to understand how someone who is vulnerable having just gone through a nasty divorce might be preyed upon by someone new.

Certainly from the OP's descriptions this relationship is abusive. Don't victim blame by telling people they should know better by their age/because they've already had a precious shitty partner. How crass.

OP, Google the number for your local branch of Women's Aid. Just ring them and start talking.

Lots of jobs offer (or even require) on site accommodation. Boarding schools often need house parents. Loads of country estates want live in staff to help with admin, management, housekeeping, catering etc. Could you get into touch with your partner's business contacts yourself, the ones who have offered you a foot in the door?

Err actually I know exactly how abusive relationships work thank you! I also know that women generally stay for the children. There were no children involved. I agree you are vulnerable after a divorce, but I don't agree you are vulnerable for 15 years with no reason not to leave other than empty promises.

But people don't only stay in abusive relationships "for the children". They stay because they become ground down by the abuse and their self esteem gets shattered so that they believe what their abuser says about them - that they're useless, no one else will ever want them, they'd be worse off if they left. So it's not the initial vulnerability that keeps people trapped, it's the effects of the subsequent abuse which make it progressively harder to leave.

So you have property abroad, you have savings and you can still work and your 50

I would leave - you potentially have many more years ahead of you to enjoy life and not stay with someone who isn't willing to be in a partnership with you - yes you may have"wasted" sone very good years on him but do not waste anymore

Presumably you have amassed some savings, due to living rent free for 20 years?

Any paid work you have done since 2012 will have added to your pension, as it was brought into law at that time, that employers had to pay into pensions for staff.

You need repaying for any monies paid into his business. Do you have this formally documented?

Re his pension going to his kids - this usually is not permitted if the children are over the age of 23, unless they are dependent on him, due to illness or disability.

Get everything written down on paper, do your sums and think about whether you are leaving him or not. You still have 17 years until your state pension kicks in - that a lot of years to bolster your private pension.

@midlifefears he is a right using pig!
can you start OU and get working on your CV give you a focus .
Is going to the house abroad and option ?
There are live in seasonal jobs in hotels all over tourist destinations. .
Can you do 6 months here working 6 months abroad working untill your CV is updated and something comes up for you. .

I think you will flourish away from him .
It will all come together when you can be the best version of yourself

Oh stop talking to him he doesn’t care .Please use your energy learning in the background and doing your therapy.