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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Do I deserve this as I was in the wrong?

155 replies

Oolliivviiaa · 14/03/2025 13:30

I don't know if I deserve this, so am keen for views!

I haven't been for a night out in about 2 years, but went and met some clients for a drink last Wednesday (as in over a week ago) in Manchester, I decided to drive but did say to DH I MAY join them in the office the next day, so I had looked at hotels before hand.

Anyway, I get there, I ended up deciding to go into the office the next day to finish off a project, so I stayed for a few drinks, one drink turned into lots, and I suddenly felt quite unwell (room spinning, I felt sick...) so headed to the hotel at about 9:30pm.

I managed to book in, and as I went to text him the room was spinning, I remember thinking, I'll just close my eyes and text him when I am able!! I woke up again at about 1pm, and text him then.

Well, he is furious with me, he now thinks I cheated on him, not really talking to me and giving me the silent treatment. It's unbearable. Do I just need to suck it up as I was in the wrong? Hope he eventually thaws and we can move on... He uses silent treatment a fair amount and I've had enough of it, but then I am at fault here.

I've known him 16 years and never ever cheated and never done anything like not contact him before on a night out!

OP posts:
StrawberryDream24 · 16/03/2025 12:39

Has he been unfaithful at some point because it seems a big leap to get to this conclusion on the two occasions and to not accept any explanation, offer to read all texts etc, huff like a child. He wants you to grovel. Don't grovel over something g that hasn't happened.

Yeah, there are two things that tend to make people accuse their partner of cheating with no history of it;

A. They have cheated or would cheat themselves. This is projected onto you.

B. They have cheated and are inwardly convinced that Karma, reciprocity, poetic justice etc. will get them.

BigFatLiar · 16/03/2025 14:51

StrawberryDream24 · 16/03/2025 12:39

Has he been unfaithful at some point because it seems a big leap to get to this conclusion on the two occasions and to not accept any explanation, offer to read all texts etc, huff like a child. He wants you to grovel. Don't grovel over something g that hasn't happened.

Yeah, there are two things that tend to make people accuse their partner of cheating with no history of it;

A. They have cheated or would cheat themselves. This is projected onto you.

B. They have cheated and are inwardly convinced that Karma, reciprocity, poetic justice etc. will get them.

Considering that's the first thing most mumsnetters would say there must be a lotvof cheating women on here.

Ariela · 16/03/2025 15:52

Is he accusing you of an affair because he's trying to disguise his own affair, and make it 'your fault' when you split up?
Is he cross because if he's known earlier than 1am he too could have spent the night out...?

Bubblenum · 16/03/2025 16:17

Oolliivviiaa · 14/03/2025 13:30

I don't know if I deserve this, so am keen for views!

I haven't been for a night out in about 2 years, but went and met some clients for a drink last Wednesday (as in over a week ago) in Manchester, I decided to drive but did say to DH I MAY join them in the office the next day, so I had looked at hotels before hand.

Anyway, I get there, I ended up deciding to go into the office the next day to finish off a project, so I stayed for a few drinks, one drink turned into lots, and I suddenly felt quite unwell (room spinning, I felt sick...) so headed to the hotel at about 9:30pm.

I managed to book in, and as I went to text him the room was spinning, I remember thinking, I'll just close my eyes and text him when I am able!! I woke up again at about 1pm, and text him then.

Well, he is furious with me, he now thinks I cheated on him, not really talking to me and giving me the silent treatment. It's unbearable. Do I just need to suck it up as I was in the wrong? Hope he eventually thaws and we can move on... He uses silent treatment a fair amount and I've had enough of it, but then I am at fault here.

I've known him 16 years and never ever cheated and never done anything like not contact him before on a night out!

No you definately do not deserve this at all. We all do things when we’ve had a drink before and made mistakes the only mistake you made was falling asleep drunk and not being able to text your husband, how he is treating you over this is ridiculous. if you’ve been together that long why does he have trust issues like this? something is making him not trust you. i would sit him down and say listen i’m sorry i got drunk and fell asleep but if you think i cheated then f**k off out of my life and leave me to get on with mine

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 16/03/2025 16:50

I keep hearing at the back of my mind my father muttering "He who smelt it, dealt it." That was about the dog farting and then looking surprised and accusing, but is your husband just a tiny bit like a farting dog. accusing you of what he did himself?

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