Dress shamed on dates

[rubberduck68]

I am mid-fifties and OLD. I have been on the receiving end of a comments about how I dress, all implying that I am not dressed up enough. I like jeans, and trousers. I wear good quality ones, on trend (or so my daughter tells me!), good tops, nice jackets, I'm a trainers and Chelsea Boots fan, don't do heels. Own one smart black dress, wore it for a funeral two years ago, and have a couple of summer ones that I pull out when it's scorching. Last night went to Bills for dinner. Bills is low-key, it's a chain, we ate burgers, I wore good jeans, a vintage Bella Freud jumper, some boots, hair and make-up effort was applied. He said, "I thought we'd be dressing up." This has happened to me a fair bit since OLD, never happened when I was younger and dressed the same. Is it just men of this age who expect women to show up in high heels and skirts/dresses? We had a polite debate about it, and he asked me what I'd wear if he took me (I know, I know) to a wedding, and I replied that the last wedding I went to I wore a fitted waistcoat with nothing underneath, wide legged linen trousers, and lots of cool jewellery and got loads of compliments. He pulled a face. A face!! Anyone else dress shamed on dates? Is it their age? Am I out of touch with what to wear on dates? Brutal honesty welcome!

Btw I'm enjoying reading all the empowering posts on here, from women who've been in the trenches, and seen STRAIGHT THROUGH these negging dickheads. Power to us all.

id Have laughed tbh @rubberduck68

“what? We’re in Bills?! If we’re meeting somewhere up market I’d dress accordingly but somewhere I’m going to end up smelling of burgers etc? clearly you thought the same when choosing your attire….”

I posted this lyrics from a song the other day on a similar thread but it is i feel apt here. Some blokes really want everything and offer nothing.

Why do they think they are so awesome?

Surrounded by girls, you probably wanna catcall
But you won't get no love like that y'all
Back to the drawing board, back to the lab
And the phone never rings in your bachelor pad
But you the mack, so you treat em like they're all inferior
Can't no woman meet your criteria
She gotta be a freak and she gotta be a virgin
She gotta be ambitious, she gotta be earning
A cooker and a cleaner with a body that's perfect
She gotta feed your ego, and let you know you're worth it
But right before you meet though, you may wanna ask
Why would she ever date your sorry ass

Yup, exactly.
That is why they either try and go much younger than their age (if they have a bit of money) or go to Thailand etc.
(Or if they're broke they join reddit and rage with the other red pill incel misogynistic creeps about how feminists are ruining the world).

The real secret is that men don't hate mature women because women age worse than men and all the other lies they tell. Men hate women who see through them.

Because women don't get to 50 or 60 without learning a thing or two about men... And they hate what they can't control.

Also older women aren't needing to settle down to have kids etc, so these men have nothing to offer other than themselves as humans, and they are often found sorely lacking.

Your date sounds weird. Why would he expect you to dress like you're going to a wedding when you're eating burgers? WTF.

Op , the men are dicks.
you also sound like a fab and imaginative dresser !
I think you should start a daily post about your outfits! 😉

Extremely old fashioned views. I'm 70 this year and live in jeans, t-shirts and bright pink boots with stars on them. But that's me and I dress how I want and nobody has complained - yet. I don't know anyone in their 60's or 70's who think like the grandparents in the post

sound wonderful!! Not wound...

My reference to possibly being "out of touch with what to wear on dates" was more about, did I miss a movement in dating where we all have to dress up now, rather than can I have style tips, but wasn't offended by the tips 😊

I think the posters saying he's shallow and OP shouldn't have to dress up are missing the mark slightly.

It sounds to me that OP DOES dress up and is very stylish but these men are naff and style illiterate.

I realised something when I was online dating - we all like to think we are socially fluid (well I did) but actually very much limited to people like us in terms of income, professionalism, academic achievements, interests and pastimes. But when OLD I came across people I'd never cross paths with otherwise.

I had blokes sneering at me sarcastically calling me 'career woman' or asking suspiciously why I'd never had kids at age 31.

I think these men sound like absolute knobs but OP probably isn't meeting enough single people who get her vibe at all. I sympathise as I've been there but keep going.

Dressing up for Bill's...a chain...and not that great a one at that. FFS

Easy way to get around it though - When I was dating I'd simply drop a casual, "Ooh, what's the dress code?" into the conversation when making plans.

And have a man decide what I should be wearing? No thanks. There's very few places that have actual dress codes and it will almost certainly be on their websites.

Can't you stick it in your profile somewhere that criticisms of dress on the date will not be tolerated. I don't get all this expectation stuff though. I also don't dress up as I don't feel comfy.

Nah, wearing what you like and seeing if they comment is clearly quite an effective dickhead filter. Let the trash take itself out, as the Americans say!

I bet you look just as good in your black jeans and eyeliner, and I'm sorry you were met with "disdain", that is just awful. Who knows what men are watching, what their influences are and where they are coming from, but I'd like them to stop sharing them on dates!

I was wearing a 501 90S, but it shouldn't really matter as I don't think it was the type of jeans that offended him, more that I was wearing jeans. I can't contemplate the rabbit hole of trying to interpret what style of jeans a man might find attractive!!

Actually I didn't ask for style tips, I asked if I was out of touch with what to wear on dates, which are different things: I wondered if there was a current trend in getting dressed up again, you know in a kind of old-skool prom way 😂- you worry in your fifties that you've missed out what's expected in dating atm. Sorry if my wording was misleading.

I'm sorry you've encountered rude men.
I haven't dated for years (born again virgin 😂) but I'd hate to think of the comments I'd get. I wear jeans & docs & have a brightly dyed undercut atm.
I would leave any situation where someone has been so rude to me.
They don't deserve your time.
Good luck weeding them out before meeting. 🌼

I've had all kinds of weird comments, one man said to me "You have a pretty face but you are bigger than I thought you'd be (I am many things but "big" is not on the list) " He was MUCH bigger than I thought he'd be. I was very upset though, obvs dumped him, and a friend said to me, "don't worry you just lost 20 stone." That did cheer me up, a bit. But even so.... the lack of manners!

They didn't do up... fat feet?!

I am enjoying it too, and feeling less shit about myself than I did this morning, thank you all!!

I think he’s done you a favour. Rude arsehole showing his true colours early on!

I think ultimately different people like different things style wise and that’s fine, but the point of a date is to see if you like the other person, style and all. If not that’s fine but no one has to be rude about it or make negative comments.

Personally I’m a very casual person. Never used to be but now mid 40s with some health issues and carrying a few extra stone I won’t be getting into a dress and heels. I think I still look nice; I wear well fitting stuff but it’s comfortable. But actually - personal preference if I wasn’t 18 years married- I wouldn’t want someone turning up to a date in a smart shirt and suit type thing because I could tell that’s just not me, and I don’t find it attractive. Much prefer a man in a nice jumper, jeans, checked shirt, boots type thing. But difference is there’s no way I’d dare tell someone that to their face!

Actually I didn't ask for style tips, I asked if I was out of touch with what to wear on dates, which are different things

I didn't think you did. I don't think you are out of touch and I'll keep saying it, you carrying on being you! Don't change because a bloke tries to put you down.
There are some nice blokes on OLD, my friends have met some nice ones, but there's also a lot of creeps that need throwing back!

God, OP, do NOT feel in any way shit about yourself! You sound cool as fuck, frankly, and have clearly dodged a bullet with Zippy Shoes Guy.

I agree it's a shame that Guardian Soulmates no longer exists. It wasn't dickhead-free by any stretch of the imagination but at least the men were rarely actual dullards.

WHAT WAS HE WEARING? A few OPs have asked this so here it is:

He was wearing a white linen shirt untucked, that was a bit tight across the big belly. That sounds bitchy I know, but in reference to "fat, bald" men doing the negging from one OP, he was both, and had shown neither of these in his profile, which I have got used to now. The bald patch was huge and at the back. He was wearing tan trousers, I want to say chinos, but does anyone wear those still? His boots were black leather, normal with a zip up the back, and were not done up properly. His pictures online were all waist up wearing similar shirts. He had a nice face, and bad manners.

Fuck me, how reductive are some blokes? Like it's somehow a woman's 'duty' to wear 'women's clothes'.

It's exactly the same sort of reductionism that gives us all the bloody autogynephilic men, sticking on a dress and claiming to be female.

A skirt does NOT a woman make.

Tell them to fuck off, OP!