Dress shamed on dates

[rubberduck68]

I am mid-fifties and OLD. I have been on the receiving end of a comments about how I dress, all implying that I am not dressed up enough. I like jeans, and trousers. I wear good quality ones, on trend (or so my daughter tells me!), good tops, nice jackets, I'm a trainers and Chelsea Boots fan, don't do heels. Own one smart black dress, wore it for a funeral two years ago, and have a couple of summer ones that I pull out when it's scorching. Last night went to Bills for dinner. Bills is low-key, it's a chain, we ate burgers, I wore good jeans, a vintage Bella Freud jumper, some boots, hair and make-up effort was applied. He said, "I thought we'd be dressing up." This has happened to me a fair bit since OLD, never happened when I was younger and dressed the same. Is it just men of this age who expect women to show up in high heels and skirts/dresses? We had a polite debate about it, and he asked me what I'd wear if he took me (I know, I know) to a wedding, and I replied that the last wedding I went to I wore a fitted waistcoat with nothing underneath, wide legged linen trousers, and lots of cool jewellery and got loads of compliments. He pulled a face. A face!! Anyone else dress shamed on dates? Is it their age? Am I out of touch with what to wear on dates? Brutal honesty welcome!

Dang, @rubberduck68, now I’m longing to know how that date went, from the point of view of clothing compatibility, if nothing else!

Date Update: On the upside he had picked a good pub, and was wearing nice denim - I liked his look. He didn’t comment on my clothes, but he didn’t criticise them so that’s good enough for me! But just like my last date, he talked at me. Did not ask one question. His body language was relaxed, he made eye contact, he wasn’t nervous, just wanted an audience. Sorry, this should be a new thread about men talking at women - I expect there is one on here already. Anyway, me and my outfit took ourselves home after two drinks, and I was in bed by 10pm!

For anyone else out there who has experienced outfit shaming for not “dressing up” for a man, you might like this that a friend sent me today, a quote from Richard E Grant (who we both have a bit of an older bloke crush on!) about the first time he saw and fell for his late wife, who he adored:

“She was wearing a boiler suit and had fairly short, cropped hair and Kicker shoes.” ❤️

Thank you for the update, @rubberduck68. I wish you well in your search for a man who listens and doesn’t neg, dress-sense aside!

Go girl .... your outfit sounds fabulous classy and stylish you will attract your person soon enough ..
Good for you for getting out there and giving dating a go it's brutal x

Yes it is But you will find that the only thing that matters on these threads is that you are paying for your half cost of the date/meal
All about the equality 🤔

Which all costs money plus women are expected to go halves on top of that

That does all sound expensive. I'm pretty low maintenance cost wise to prepare for dates – I just wear what I would wear if I went out with friends. In fact I think I tend to approach dates financially like I would a night out with friends; split the bill, and alternate rounds if you're in the pub.

Keep going with the dates .. and love this confident women wear what they want !!
Confidence is attractive.

I think your look sounds great. Im 51 so i remember the post punk New Romantic phase well

What is OLD .... ???

There's no point trying to be someone else on a date and wear a dress when it's not your thing. If someone doesn't like you as you are then there's no point.

I think it’s a Trying-Too-Hard thing honestly - I’ve certainly met the WC men you are talking about who expect their ladies to be dollybirds. But I have also met UMC men who expect their trophy wives to be highly-groomed show ponies.

And people of all classes who are normal… unfortunately a lot of them are snapped up in their 30s.

On Line Dating.

On line dating.

This is hilarious. After many years on my own I weakened and tried a dating app. Went on two dates - both daytime coffee/museum/walk kind of things. I wore jeans and a top. Dates wore jeans/chinos. Nobody was particularly smart but not scruffy either. No heels or dresses from me. The dates were OK, I think. If I had been really keen I’m sure I could have seen these guys again but there was no spark. In the end I was keen to get away! I’m not changing myself for any man! If it was some Adonis, maybe someone I actually knew who I admired and respected too and felt privileged to go on a date with, then maybe I’d dress up more. Otherwise….I am happy in my own company, I have friends, my own home, teeth and hair! I’m not going to pretend to be anything I’m not.

God forbid anything happens to my DH, cos this OLD lark sounds like an absolute nightmare! In fact I just wouldn’t do it. I’d be meeting naturally or not at all.

Yes, you would hope to meet naturally. But the older you get the more good ones are taken. Plus the opportunities to meet new people get fewer. Actually, after divorcing six years ago I vowed I’d never get entangled with a man again. But it gets a bit lonely. It would be nice to meet a great guy by accident but that just doesn’t happen either. I’m not sure OLD will worth either - it seems a lot like applying/recruiting for jobs. But anything is worth a go.

If I was meeting someone at Bill‘s, I would be dressed like you as well. It’s a jeans and T-shirt place it’s nowhere near fine dining!