First opportunity to spend the night together and he doesn't want to

[BellaGothTheSecond]

I'm a single parent and the man I've been seeing for the last 5 months is also a single parent. It's not OLD, we already knew one another. We've had the exclusivity talk.

It can be tricky getting our schedules to align due to his work and me not having regular childcare (because my children have SEN) but we manage to get together for a day/evening during the week atleast once (sometimes twice) for a handful of hours.

For the first time things have aligned that we both have a child free night this weekend (this is rarer than hens teeth for me) so we've made plans to go out for dinner and then back to his.

I assumed he'd want me to stay over.

He asked how long was I able to spend with him and I said I could stay over head back in the morning to take over at home.

"Let's do a few hours" is what he came back with.

Instant disappointment.

I asked was there a reason he didn't want to spend the night together and he said he was just being considerate of my DM having the DC, then joked that he didn't want to hear me snore.

My DM is staying at my house. It isn't an issue for her. She assumed I'd be staying out herself.

His DC will be at his parents all night.

(I don't snore either!)

Wouldn't you be jumping at the chance to spend the whole night with somebody you say you're falling in love with?

I'm feeling a bit rejected. I have ADHD and do tend to feel rejection sensitive dysphoria so I can't always be sure that I'm not just being sensitive.

@SantasLargerHelper I've never heard of inulin before, does it help you sleep soundly?

@CalicoPusscat I saw it on a Michael Moseley programme. For me, it's been a life changer. I get a big bag off Amazon for about £12 and it lasts ages. I have a spoonful in my tea rather than sugar.

"It acts as a powerful prebiotic, feeding your health-promoting beneficial bacteria. Inulin can be used as a sugar substitute for weight loss. The BBC documentary "The Truth About Sleep" (Dr. Michael Moseley) found that inulin helped improve sleep"

It can with some people. Be careful with it, it's not suitable for everyone. There's plenty about it online so google before buying or trying.

Agree! Life really is too short!

How did it go, ??

I definitely agree with your first sentence but we're not talking about the same man. OP felt something was up to the extent that she wanted to post here about it. She's not wrong and hopefully she does feel validated now.

You can dismiss what other posters are saying if you like but that doesn't mean that we are wrong. Everyone has different experiences and mine are that I won't put up with being made to feel 'less than' by any man. I won't play games and I won't be made to feel as if I'm running after someone for their affection.

I hope OP does meet a nice man when she's got herself over this one because this one is not nice. He's supposed to care for her. In his position, would you honestly have come out with the nonsense that he has or would you have made your partner feel ok about whatever the situation was? He did none of that.

I suspect it has not 'gone well' for the OP hence why she isn't back to update.

I suspect it has not 'gone well' for the OP hence why she isn't back to update.

Oh I thought the opposite, that she probably ended up shagging him and hasn't come back because she's afraid we'll wag fingers. 😅

Completely agree!

I sincerely hope that you are right, that they had the best makeup sex while the rest of us spent our night writing posts declaring him a wrong un.

I'm ADHD too, I would see my current BF for sex in the day and go home in the evening (working around my kids), and I went to see him on a Saturday and he asked if I wanted to stay over. I panicked a little, I hadn't stayed over with anyone since I started dating again 3 years before. I snore and drool, I can't sleep without the radio on, I'm not great sleeping in strange places...we decided I would go home that night, but plan to stay the next time. That made it easier, though I didn't really get any sleep. After that we talked about it - he put the radio on for me, I brought my own pillow to feel comfortable, and he's said I can leave things there to make it feel more like my own place. There could be all sorts of reasons like this. Turns out he was also worried, as he likes to stay up late gaming but felt that would be rude, but he does that now (and I then get to starfish)

How did your date go, OP?

Also want to know!!!

How did it go @BellaGothTheSecond ????

Any update OP?

@BellaGothTheSecond how is it going?

The OP not updated for a fortnight so it’s pretty clear she’s not coming back

I'm not sure how far in advance this date night was planned. Speaking from the male point of view, there's a possibility that he might have erectile dysfunction (ED) issues. He may have unknowingly ran out of his ED meds, misplaced them, or just not had the time to renew or refill medication order. If I had ED issues and no meds to compensate, I would have definitely cancelled the sleepover.

And you wouldn't have said why? I had this once with a man, and it caused problems as I just assumed he didn't fancy me. He was in his fifties, me forties, so these issues are hardly exotic. It's just part of not being 21 anymore, like our pelvic floors not being as effective and giving us stress incontinence. I'd a million times rather a man is honest. I would never think any less of him as a lover; I'm over 50 so am used to the issue.

I know. So rude, when people have given up their time to help.

Actually OP mentioned she didn’t wanted to be outed on here so maybe that’s what’s happened?

No poster is obligated to come back and update!

I am not being judgemental, truly I’m not. Not of the way Bellagoth has been or what her partner is getting at. He doesn’t want to spend the night with her? Odd.
But, many people have left comments about how he is and I don’t need to add to them.
To be absolutely truthful, my response isn’t a response to this post at all, but it reminded me about something that has puzzled me for a while, and I didn’t know where else to post my question.
That is:- why do so many posters seem to have SEN children? As a child, I attended a couple of different schools over 12 years and the only child I ever remember being different was a boy who had Downs, and a girl with callipers after Polio.
I am old now, and gave birth to our two daughters in the 60s, then over the following years, there have been grandchildren and a great grandchild. Not one is SEN. Has this increased over the years? I have only been aware of it in the last few years (on here mainly), I once lived near a couple of Downs children, and that was not recently. I can’t recall seeing any for years now.

@Ilikeadrink14 in my family, it would just seem to be recognising that we have certain conditions. My DS was the first to be diagnosed with ASC at 11, I've now been diagnosed with ADHD & ASC and DD is on the ASC list. DP probably has ASC too. Looking at our parents 3 out of 4 display strong ASC traits, but they weren't recognised. I look at DS and DFIL and they're like mirrors of each other. I'm still in the grief/anger stage or my diagnosis, I wish I'd had it recognised at school and had assistance

I didn't come back to the thread as somebody from IRL recognised me and sent me my own thread (cringe) so I'll have to be vague and a bit brief but.. he has long since been dumped, he was an enormous pain in the arse.

Oh well done OP 👏