Late stage - work boundaries

[lemondropsandallsorts]

Firstly, I get my work done. I have always gone above and beyond to ensure I was a good little worker bee. I have been at the job 8 years now, have a great office culture and no red flags at all. My coworkers are all great.

Two weeks ago, I was setting up a conference room and had moved the partition to separate it into one large room and one small room. My direct boss and her peer walked into the big room, not realising I was in the little room, and were chitchatting about the teams.

I was just about to announce myself when my direct boss mentioned that she was not going to offer me the promotion I had gone for. She immediately fired back to the shocked response of her peer to say that I was brilliant in my role, indispensable and deserved the promotion, but frankly, as the absolute workhorse of the team, she needed me to stay where I was.

Her peer mentioned that it didn't seem very fair, and my direct boss said something along the lines of (I was reeling at this point and my recollection gets a bit fuzzy) being a manager, you have to look at the bigger picture and the bigger picture was I served her and the overall team better staying where I was.

At that point people started trailing into their room for a meeting so the conversation stopped. The whole thing happened in the matter of seconds. I felt like I had been punched. (luckily, I was on leave for a while after, but I was emailed later to say I had not got the job. I had been so close, but hadn't done quite enough at the interview. But I was a shoe in for the next round of promotions in about a year, or maybe two - if I kept up the good work)

Every fibre of my being wanted to act rashly, hand in my notice and flounce or rant back to the email - but I have just finished a work-based qualification (in preparation for the promotion) and I will have to pay the cost back if I leave within a set period of time. Also, I have bills to pay.

So, to the point of this post.

I NEED to become less available for about a year (after that I don't need to pay the training bill and my house buying process will all be done to a change won't mess up my mortgage offer). My work only does tombstone references - so I am not worried about a sudden lack of enthusiasm showing up on references if I end up going external.

So ladies, give you tips for just doing the job you are paid for - but not a single damn thing above and bejond because I need to sit this out for a year and the only way I can cope is by planning how to unmake myself indispensable.

How awful for you. I understand you are angry, I would be too. That's not a great reason to decline giving someone a promotion. If you have had an internal interview for a new role you should get some feedback in writing which should be constructive.

If you work to rule to make yourself less dispensable then you risk proving to her that her decision was the right one.

Be your normal professional self and look for a new role with a new team or outside of the company.

I'm sure other mumsnetters can give you more specific HR / legal advice than me and will be along shortly....

Yes my first thought was you should start looking for an alternative job in an organisation where your ability and attitude will be properly recognised and rewarded.

Call her out. Ask for feedback on your application/interview and why she didn’t offer you the role, see what she says. Then let her know you overheard the conversation. Ask for someone from HR to sit in if you can. Even if you don’t get anywhere, at least she will know you know.

I'm so sorry @lemondropsandallsorts
It must have been a real punch to the gut to overhear that conversation, as it's so bloody unfair and you deserve that promotion, but I am glad you did because you know what your boss is really like now and also that it is not that you did not work hard enough / were not skilled enough etc, but that she is using you. It should not be the case but it is true incompetent people are promoted to stop them causing more damage.

Hang in there so you don't have to repay anything/screw your mortgage up and enjoy working less hard.

I hope with your qualification and excellent work ethic you'll be able to find something much better at a time that suits you.

I did ask for written feedback and was just advised that 'I did great!' but another candidate 'just did just a bit better' on the day.

I am sure if I went to HR, she would stick to the line above and argue what she said in the room and that the other candidate was better, can both be true.

Unfortunately, I do need to stick this out for a year at least - either to get promoted internally via another team (so another manager to interview) or so my mortgage and training fees are sorted.

However, that doesn't mean I need to be indispensable anymore - I need to channel the dude that did get promoted who has a skill of making asking anything from him such hard work that no one bothers.....

I think I would start with no overtime, ever, and being completely unavailable when not in work. You work 9-5? Start on the dot, leave on the dot and take your full lunch with phone off. I also would not instigate anything, from noticing a spelling mistake in a document, to presenting an idea.
What a horrible thing to overhear. I hope the year passes quickly got you. A new house is a wonderful achievement anyway.

I have uncharacteristically been busy after work recently and had to pass on picking up the out of hours phone, meaning it has had to stay with her.

Normally I am happy to hold onto it as it's no bother, is not part of my role and should sit with her paygrade, but I like(d) to be helpful, but that's the type of thing that people who are indispensable do.

I would let her know that you overheard the conversation, I would also tell her you weren’t alone so you have a witness (refuse to name them if she asks).

It is not fair that you are being held back.

i agree with Wobblemonster, let her know you overheard the conversation and how disappointed you are that you didn’t get the role and that she is obviously holding you back as it makes her life easier. If nothing else it will put her on the back foot.

Continue to refuse to take the out of hours phone.

Work your hours and no more.

If anyone asks you to do something even slightly out of your remit, ask them which part of your current role they would like you to stop doing, in order to have the time to do that task. Then ask them to put it in writing with approval from your manager that you can do that.

Push back on anything that is usually reserved for a more senior staff member "I'm sorry, I would do that report but it's above my pay grade."

Do not assist the "dude" who got the promotion with his new role in any way.

If you're ever taken to task on any of the above, explain to your manager exactly what you heard in the meeting room and that you're trying to ensure you won't be passed over for promotion in the future.

I've just left a workplace where a succession of new bosses had thoroughly demoralised the team. I had been there several years and really took responsibility for my work and it's quality. When I knew I was leaving I quietly quit. Would work efficiently until lunch time, then after did my own thing until leaving time. I had my own office which helped. I handed over to my successor publicly. But I stopped doing anything extra, but continued to be on the surface to be polite and helpful.

I think if I were in your position, I'd drop her a note asking for a meeting so she can explain how we move forward because if "being the teams workhorse" means you'll never get promoted because your more valuable to her doing what your doing your going to need some further explanation. She'll realise she's been caught out (possibly wondering who told you, you can decide whether or not to disclosure how you heard because does it really matter) but hopefully it will lead to a decent conversation about the future. You are obviously valued. I've been in that situation where I've not wanted to lose a member of the team but equally I want the best for them. Maybe the conversation needs to be about you training others as part of your succession so you can one day be promoted.

I can't see that letting her know will change anything. She could then decide that what I am doing is directly retaliatory and cause bad feeling that I will have to put up with for a year.

So I would rather subtly withdraw, change my level of input into my role to match my contract, my pay and role expectations only.

In line with beadystars ideas - Inbox management is part of my direct manager's role. Normally I pick up the queries, and to be helpful, get advice, then pre-draft the answers and pass them on to my direct manager. Again, it is not something that I am supposed to have been doing, it is absolutely not part of my duties, it is just very helpful.

I just sent them on to her today, with no pre-drafting attached.

She let the first two go and on the third emailed me to ask for advice on how to approach the answer (so asking WTF without actually saying WTF). Emailed back saying I wasn't sure on that one, not my area, and I pointed her in the direction of the staff member that could help her. For each enquiry from then on, I did polite, friendly and helpful variations on the same theme.

People that are indispensable go the extra mile.

I would also let the person know that I'd heard the whole conversation.

"Hi Jo, just wanted to let you know that I overheard everything that you said to Rach about the recruitment process before the meeting on Tuesday and I'll be using what I heard to inform my next steps"

Then just leave it to her to try to remember what she said and what you might know. Might as well Make her squirm and feel uncomfortable for a bit. I would enjoy watching her discomfort and it might teach her to be less of a mean bitch on future. But I am a mean and petty person myself so that might not work for you.

I'm sorry that they've done this to you. It sucks.

Is the promoted person someone who does not perform as well as you?

I think you have grounds for constructive dismissal but lack proof.

I think you should ask for a meeting like @thirdstorm suggested. Also ask what the purpose of the training was if not to give you the skills worthy of promotion. Maybe ask for support to find another suitable promotion in another team. (I was held back in a team but was supported to find a better promotion within the company).

Think carefully about how you proceed as I think your approach with the emails might quickly be perceived as retalitory without you saying anything, the bad feeling is already there on your part.

I think, sadly, this happens all the time. Sucks.

@ChateauMargaux - How can it be retaliatory? I am super busy at the moment, she has no idea why I suddenly am not doing something that she found helpful before (but was never ever part of my job role)

The overheard conversation happened over two weeks ago, so I very much doubt she would link the two situations - why would she?

As far as she knows, I have suddenly got a great social life, have a super busy job and just reverted to how the emails used to be handled.

All I plan to do is not work beyond what is expected of my pay, role and contract.

She may think you have changed the way you work because you didn't get the promotion, she might even see it as sulking.... I'd do as others have suggested, have it out with her and ask how you both move on from this

Her thinking I am sulking didn't occur to me (because I am not a sulker lol) - but still I would rather her think I can't take being knocked back (because I know it not to be true) than be taken advantage of for a whole additional year.

I know she is not going to fire me, I know she would be hard pressed to make a scene that I should be doing all these extras, because it was never my job to do, and frankly the dude should be her go to guy.

OP I know you've ruled out the things that PP have suggested, such as letting her know, asking for a meeting with HR, taking legal action, and I'm not saying you should change your mind. But if you do, there's a little trick you should use.

Take some written notes with you and quote back a sentence or two to from them, using some of the phrases you overheard. She'll say something like "I don't think I put it quite like that", then you can say "I'm very confident that my records reflect exactly what you said, verbatim" or words to that effect.

You don't have to outright say that you recorded the conversation, or had a witness, but she won't know that you didn't, so will be forced to admit what she said for fear of being caught in a lie.

Bloody great keep it up op,

@AaaahBlandsHatch - I understand it looks like I am disregarding good advice to go to HR or have words with her but....

I have worked with this manager for 8 years, four of which directly in her team. I have no doubt she will put her hands up to haveing the conversation, she is very cut and dried like that - she will not look to outright lie.

I have a good idea of how it will go down.

She will state that it is management's role to look at the bigger picture AS WELL AS what happens at the interview for all of the candidates, Dude included. (because it is)

She would agree that she said I was indispensable and that I should have been promoted (in an ideal world) - so what she said stands, she will apologise that it was not a great way to present it, but stress it was a valid comment about how she sees me as a valuable member of the team.

But, in light of the interviews, I was not getting the promotion BECAUSE Dude did better on the day. (and that was put in writing in the email sent to me, which backs up this stance) my being indispensable was secondary to that.

She then will go back to her desk, and each time I try to back away from being taken advantage of, she will write it up as me being petty or sulking because there is a HR record of us having a dispute.

This happens far more than people realise. And yes it can be dressed up as the manager taking the bigger picture into account. It's the opposite of the Peter Principle where people are promoted above their level of ability and it is totally demoralising to those who realise it's been done to them. Ask me how I know...

Quiet quitting is the way forward, as well as being very active in finding another job within the organisation. Shows willingness and loyalty. But, and this is a big but, your manager may quietly put a spanner in the works to keep you in her team. Soft words such as 'Well She is very good at what she does, but I don't think she's quite ready for the next step up'.

However knowledge is power and now you know you can adjust your behaviour accordingly. Remember it takes a bit of time to get a new job, so start looking early in the New year, especially if you're on 3 months notice. And when you do get that new job in a year's time - oh what fun you can have at the exit interview.

From a fellow workhorse, I feel your pain. Last place I worked, they hired 3 people to replace me when I left. Similar in my role before. I suspect this happens all the time. I would be looking for a promotion externally if I were you.

Sorry OP you learned the hard way not to go above and beyond just like I did . I would look for something new as you are always going to be stuck in the role you are in , and if you slack off it will be noted and will come back on you .