Late stage - work boundaries

[lemondropsandallsorts]

Firstly, I get my work done. I have always gone above and beyond to ensure I was a good little worker bee. I have been at the job 8 years now, have a great office culture and no red flags at all. My coworkers are all great.

Two weeks ago, I was setting up a conference room and had moved the partition to separate it into one large room and one small room. My direct boss and her peer walked into the big room, not realising I was in the little room, and were chitchatting about the teams.

I was just about to announce myself when my direct boss mentioned that she was not going to offer me the promotion I had gone for. She immediately fired back to the shocked response of her peer to say that I was brilliant in my role, indispensable and deserved the promotion, but frankly, as the absolute workhorse of the team, she needed me to stay where I was.

Her peer mentioned that it didn't seem very fair, and my direct boss said something along the lines of (I was reeling at this point and my recollection gets a bit fuzzy) being a manager, you have to look at the bigger picture and the bigger picture was I served her and the overall team better staying where I was.

At that point people started trailing into their room for a meeting so the conversation stopped. The whole thing happened in the matter of seconds. I felt like I had been punched. (luckily, I was on leave for a while after, but I was emailed later to say I had not got the job. I had been so close, but hadn't done quite enough at the interview. But I was a shoe in for the next round of promotions in about a year, or maybe two - if I kept up the good work)

Every fibre of my being wanted to act rashly, hand in my notice and flounce or rant back to the email - but I have just finished a work-based qualification (in preparation for the promotion) and I will have to pay the cost back if I leave within a set period of time. Also, I have bills to pay.

So, to the point of this post.

I NEED to become less available for about a year (after that I don't need to pay the training bill and my house buying process will all be done to a change won't mess up my mortgage offer). My work only does tombstone references - so I am not worried about a sudden lack of enthusiasm showing up on references if I end up going external.

So ladies, give you tips for just doing the job you are paid for - but not a single damn thing above and bejond because I need to sit this out for a year and the only way I can cope is by planning how to unmake myself indispensable.

OP, you position is reasonable.
Be very busy with family commitments in general conversation, new activities and be positive.
Absolutely unavailable to take that phone with you and turn everything off.
You are working hard on rebalancing your work/life balance for 2025 and working on your fitness.

Keep forwarding work to the correct people and remain silent.
Offer nothing to her to quote you on.
Keep things on email.
If push comes to shove she will have to explain why you are constantly doing the work of others.
Let her ask her WTF questions, you keep remaining polite.

The penny will drop that you are pissed, job hunting or quietly quiting.
Absolutely start job hunting.

She doesn't give a shit about you, this is about her self interest.

Don't be provoked, just be completely unavailable outside your working hours.

This is surprisingly common and annoying.

Remaining positive and upbeat, but unavailable and silent is key.
Be glad you heard this, even if its very annoying.

Oh no. I like this job, I like the pay and the people. I like the pension and the working hours. I can do this for a year, after a year I will look externally, but I will look internally from today.

I can and I will revert to a clock watching time serving cubicle dweller. I will make it work for me and I will revel in the fact that she will only get a solid day's work from me. I will NOT be slacking off - I will be working my wage, however.

I know they won't fire me or put me on a PIP, because even as a clock watching time serving cubicle dweller, I am a very good dependable team member (which in my area is worth its weight in gold)

@lemondropsandallsorts would you be able to have a conversation with the other manager that your manager was dicussing you with, in front of HR? would that help? it all depends on how the other manager conducts herself. I personally might have just walked out immediately after getting the knockback. you havent done that for financial reasons understanably. but step back and only do the bare minimum for everybody. make yourself unavailable to do any extra stuff. let someone else set up the meeting room and if she asks why you didnt set it up tell her you didnt want to hear her talking about you again. that way she knows you heard her and knows that you will no longer be the walkover she thought you were! I think she has treated you terribly!

Ok, then absolutely look hard internally.
Be aware of this guy not doing his job znd her putting more work load on you.
Is that a possibility?

Agree with this. I also in your position would say nothing about having overheard her. I don’t think any good can come of it. The position is too weak to win a dispute and she could use anything you say to show you have an attitude problem. I would, as you are doing, do absolutely no overtime, show no flexibility if asked, stick to my job description and pass on to others where appropriate/reasonably possible. She’ll think you are sulking, yes, so what? She can’t complain you are no longer doing tasks that were never your responsibility. It will probably make her more likely to support you moving to another job internally too.

A 'she said, he said' conversation very rarely gets well solved.
OP will have only shown her hand and then HER attitude can become a focus and up for discussion.

Far better to take this information and quietly quit until an internal position or external move arise.

My friend was in a similar position pre Covid and heard on a drinks night out that her boss had blocked her promotion for selfish reasons.

Covid happened a couple of weeks later and she went work to rule and did absolutely nothing extra.
Kept referring her boss that it wasn't her area and she was flat out.
Clocked off on the dot and simply remained silent when he asked what was going on.
She had done so much that made his life easier and made him look good.
She was so pissed.

She saw Covid out and built up huge holidays and resigned at the worst possible time, when her employer was rebidding for a multi million contract with her client.
She let it be known quietly that her promotion being blocked by her boss had got back to her and that was the spur to leave, when she realised her loyalty was working against her.
They lost the contract unsurprisingly despite appealing to her to reconsider and rescind her resignation.

She is very content in her new position 2 years on, but has recently been approached to return to her old employer, which was flattering, but she is going to stay put.

Ultimately your boss has put herself first, not the company, remember that.

You are right OP - this is the way to do it. And this subtle shift in behaviour will also signal to the boss well she should have promoted you! If you strike the balance right - work your socks but leave on time you will be well placed for the next promotion :) if you have not already internally moved or externally moved.

Well, she has just puttered over to ask if I could pick up the out of hours phone as she has a drinking event this evening. (Dude is unavailable apparently)

I was just as surprised as her to learn I have a night class this evening. 😂

I tend not to lie, it is not really a me thing, but I had been looking up language classes on my lunch break and was taken with one, it also did say they discouraged phones in the class. It was the first excuse to come to mind as it was so fresh in my memory (and technically it is not a lie as I booked on to the taster session a minute ago lol)

It is going to be my go-to excuse now

Also I am a bit excited, I have always wanted to go but was always a bit scared to go on my own.

I think my brain saw it as a way to kill two birds with one stone!

I'm cheering you on, OP! I would start looking for a job in less than a year's time as it can take a while to find a suitable role. Wouldn't it be delicious to hand in your notice the day your payment obligation expires?

I love this for you. Enjoy the phone-free class!

Brilliant! Well done OP - masterfully played 😂

The brass balls of Dude though - got his promotion and can't even be fecked to help his new boss out 🤣 take a leaf out of Dude's book 🤣

Edited to add - hope you come back and keep us posted on developments and also when you finally get your very much deserved promotion!

Bummer what a mean position to take.
She is blocking your career and pay rises.
But thats is not bullying or constructive dismissal.

Unfortunatly you are unlikely to have a contract term about promotion, however if your firm requires you to take the course to qualify for promotion you could possibly go with her breaching the repayment contract first.
So do a quick re-read of the training policy.

I agree with Qwee on the work and that you would loose out in the she said conversation after all the promotion is gone now amyway.
I would be looking at what is your work to rule must do's and work from there.

And pulling out your aims for the year and write a short task list that you would need if you were leaving and needed to do a handover and slow back into the limits of your existing role.

Any out of hours work will be sorry I have plans tonight /that night and a smile. And if she is nosy enough to ask just some boring personal stuff and smile.

You could start keeping a record of when your boss asks you to act up as a manager, do overtime etc and build a bullying/constructive dismissal case which you may never need but can pull out.

And check for any and all free training that you can get from the business (via HR signoff) over the next year

Oh op loving this and you'll have a new language to mutter under your breath soon, keep it up, 💯

I work in HR. I would put a grievance in with HR. I would give them the name of the other person you overheard and ask that they contact them to discuss confidentially. I would ask they do this face to face (video call is fine) and give your permission to tell the other person they were overheard by you. This may be an informal chat prior to formal investigation or it may be part of formal grievance proceedings. They will need to provide a witness statement in any case as part of your complaint and they will be expected not to discuss it.

On a personal level I would be very annoyed and ask that my study debt is wiped seeing as you did it in anticipation of a promotion you were never going to get no matter what. Then leave.

Well done.
If you find it difficult to lie, line up a bunch of things like bsbysitting for a friend, sister, keep and eye on movies you want to go to.
Absolutely line up a load of things to do.

He's some piece of work to not take the phone.
She really does think you are a bit of a soft touch unfortunately.

Keep careful notes of what she asks and any attitude from her.

I cannot tell you how good note taking has been the most extraordinary life saver in HR situations for several friends of mine over the years.

HE has been promoted ahead of you, yet she is still burdening you with tasks above your pay grade.
Time/date/task requested...keep notes.

Any chance you get, respond or follow up with an email, especially if she gets shirty.

In a slightly similar situation where my friend had acted as X for a job but didn't get it, she then found she had tasks added that were actually part of the new job description but were added to her job description without consultation.
She wasn't having it. She was there 12 years and was excellent at what she did.

After a few No's she had enough and sent a version of this.... "further to our conversation regarding me being requested to do X and Y which are not in my work spec but in fact part of new persons spec, I am unable to continue to do these continuous extra tasks outside work hours without remuneration.

I feel used having acted in said position, told I didn't get the position, and now somehow have had half the job description added to my workload.

These tasks have added X numbers of hours of unpaid work to my already heavy work load and I feel taken advantage and severely put upon.
I feel it hugely impinges on my right to a private life, being repeatedly asked to take on tasks that are not part of my job description and I would appreciate if you didn't put me repeatedly in the position where I have to explain that I have private commitments in my private life."

Critically and because she no longer gave a fxxk she cc'd HR, MD, Finance Director Project Director and 2 others, six in total, and mentioned a culture of bullying and being taken advantage of because she was the only woman in the department woman.

HR were on to her first thing as the MD/FD wanted to know what the hell was going on in the department.

She told HR that having thought about it she was going to raise a formal grievance against her boss.

She told HR she had extremely detailed notes, plus dozens and dozens of emails of constant requests for extra unpaid work over the previous couple of years.
She also had her record of timekeeping which showed her extra unpaid hours.

She got signed out sick from work later that day.
Her grievance was upheld in full and she was compensated for the many hundreds of hours involved.

Keep notes and any emails you have.
You never know when they may be of use.

If you do get another job, let her know you overheard her conversation at your exit interview or the day you leave .

‘When’

Because let’s be honest, her manager will block her promotion because OP is a workhorse. That sounds like constructive dismissal to me. Her manager has made OPs position untenable.

Blocking a promotion is not dismissal. The OP can continue in her current role without problem.

Expecting her to work outside her role and expecting ongoing overtime can be grounds for constructive dismissal.
The OPs opting to become a clock watching time serving cubicle dweller may prompt her manager to provide an ongoing pattern 😉

A couple of thoughts. Your story about sifting her email and suggesting/drafting answers for each one provides a new angle on why she didn’t want to promote you: sounds like you are not just doing lots of things for the team, you are doing her job for her. Be careful about how you pull away from propping up someone who is like this - they can be nasty if there’s a risk their own incompetence is going to be come visible.

If you start applying for roles elsewhere, then inevitably a bit of time will pass before you have to start tackling the paying back the qualification. You may be able to negotiate something, particularly if you choose to disclose to HR at the point of leaving that you overheard her discussion of why you didn’t get the promotion and that this is a key reason for you leaving. Also, any new job should come with a pay rise and that could help fund paying for the qualification?

A suggestion. Make sure you take your full lunchtime and a couple of decent breaks, don’t do any work, don’t answer emails or messages, go out, do something, enjoy the spring weather, sit in a cafe and read a book. People who are indispensable don’t take enough breaks!

Absolutely ignore any advice to let her know that you know!
Knowledge is power and if you tell her she may sabotage you further to show she was " right" in her decision making.
She will make the cap fit -seen it a million times.
Carry on , if anything is said, look puzzled and say you though the extra stuff was now Dudes job and you didn't want to tread on his toes.

Absolutely get as much training out of them as you can " I have taken your feedback on board and I'm looking to improve"

This year will fly by, take your leave, be unavailable on holiday/ days off/ OoH.

Play the game and then nail a promotion !

You are wrong. Blocking promotion without good reason is one of the reasons an employee can bring a claim for constructive dismissal. There is a problem because this represents a breach of the employment contract. It’s a breach of the implied duty employers have to ensure the employee receives ‘reasonable and proper treatment during employment’ - the duty of mutual trust and confidence.

OP, well that’s great but blindingly obvious career progression lesson for you…

Being indispensable doesn’t get you promoted… it means you’re fit for purpose in role. You’re useful. You’re good. You’re best placed in role.

Showing you have capacity to do bits of your managers role, training people behind you to do most of your role so someone is willing and able to get promoted into your role, skilfully letting the business know you’re loyal to your career progression, enjoy supporting them but not you’re blindly loyal to the company you work for waiting for them to drive your career for you… that’s all the stuff that gets you promoted rapidly and gives you negotiation leverage every single to drive salary, bonus, perks, Ltips, share options etc.

Seems a shame to be 8 long years in and just finding that out really! But better late than never!!

At the very least OP email yourself detailed notes today of where and what happened, name the two people and exactly what you remember as best as possible.

You upskilled on the basis of a possible promotion, and now realise this was never a possibility.

You used your own time to do this course, which locks you into having to stay a minimum amount of time with them, for a promotion you now know you were never going to receive.

You have every right to be pissed.
HR are primarily there to protect the company, but a grievance like this with such poor behaviour of behalf of management is not the type of behaviour that goes down well at tribunals which publish their findings.

I quietly quit at Xmas after a similar situation.

Honestly it's been liberating. Everything I'm responsible for I do well, I ignore everything else.