Late stage - work boundaries

[lemondropsandallsorts]

Firstly, I get my work done. I have always gone above and beyond to ensure I was a good little worker bee. I have been at the job 8 years now, have a great office culture and no red flags at all. My coworkers are all great.

Two weeks ago, I was setting up a conference room and had moved the partition to separate it into one large room and one small room. My direct boss and her peer walked into the big room, not realising I was in the little room, and were chitchatting about the teams.

I was just about to announce myself when my direct boss mentioned that she was not going to offer me the promotion I had gone for. She immediately fired back to the shocked response of her peer to say that I was brilliant in my role, indispensable and deserved the promotion, but frankly, as the absolute workhorse of the team, she needed me to stay where I was.

Her peer mentioned that it didn't seem very fair, and my direct boss said something along the lines of (I was reeling at this point and my recollection gets a bit fuzzy) being a manager, you have to look at the bigger picture and the bigger picture was I served her and the overall team better staying where I was.

At that point people started trailing into their room for a meeting so the conversation stopped. The whole thing happened in the matter of seconds. I felt like I had been punched. (luckily, I was on leave for a while after, but I was emailed later to say I had not got the job. I had been so close, but hadn't done quite enough at the interview. But I was a shoe in for the next round of promotions in about a year, or maybe two - if I kept up the good work)

Every fibre of my being wanted to act rashly, hand in my notice and flounce or rant back to the email - but I have just finished a work-based qualification (in preparation for the promotion) and I will have to pay the cost back if I leave within a set period of time. Also, I have bills to pay.

So, to the point of this post.

I NEED to become less available for about a year (after that I don't need to pay the training bill and my house buying process will all be done to a change won't mess up my mortgage offer). My work only does tombstone references - so I am not worried about a sudden lack of enthusiasm showing up on references if I end up going external.

So ladies, give you tips for just doing the job you are paid for - but not a single damn thing above and bejond because I need to sit this out for a year and the only way I can cope is by planning how to unmake myself indispensable.

^ 💯

We are there to protect the company from claims like this. Unfortunately poor managers who do stuff like this make it really hard for us as by the time we hear about it, the damage is done.

Also OP, if you are serious about your career you’d do well to ignore 90% on threads like this. Trust me, some sort of emotional type reaction might sound good in a ‘that told ‘em!’ sort of way… but an employer will just see it as a proof point to reaffirm that you certainly ain’t leadership material if you can’t keep a level head under a bit of pressure.

Quiet quitting that’s what you need to do… do your own job. No extras, no going the extra mile and in about 9/10months start applying for new roles out of the company

Good point
But the manager has covered her ass by going with best on the day and overall best for the team

She needs to know. It's the only way anything positive can come out of the unfortunate situation

What benefit is it to the OP to train her manager when she is leaving or moving to a new reporting line?

Someone who will block a promotion and the pay rise and future chances is not a "good" person. Her manager made the choice to better her own position at the expense of the OP and lied to the Op to cover up. She will not change as she did what she did knownly.

The other manager is not rushing to HR either so is there a culture of not supporting or rewarding the OPs input level with promotions?

Never mind going the extra mile in your own role, it sounds like you've been doing half her job for her?! Try and see this as a positive that this has put things in perspective and you'll be able to make a change now.

Unfortunately, it is a known thing apparently that good workers struggle to get promoted because managers are well aware that the teams work would take a nosedive once they're gone. Another reason why many of the upcoming generation of workers dgaf about impressing employers and are demanding a more balanced relationship.

Take detailed notes now of what you remember from the conversation-? Including date, time, location and who else was present.

I don't disagree with your approach and you're absolutely right to do it all with a big smile and the appearance of being helpful.

I don't think that precludes you from asking for detailed feedback on each of the interview questions and asking what good/better would look like for each one. That way you might get some useful interview prep and it supports the impression that you're still motivated and interested in promotion. I'd also ask for some interview skills support from Dude when he starts.

It’s not covered her arse though as OP overheard a conversation in which her manager said she (the manager) needs OP to stay where she is even though she deserved the promotion, because she needs a workhorse. Nothing to do with who was best on the day. This puts the organisation in a precarious position. OP cannot continue to work for a manager who will block her progression because she needs a workhorse. It’s an abuse of her position. Now OP is going to leave. There’s no way I could continue working for a manager after that. Trust torpedo.

Can you ask the manager she was having the conversation with to be your mentor? Then in your sessions explain how fitted you are about not getting the job and how you are considering your career and want to move from the team. Really lay it on. He will feel awkward and either report her or feel the need to help you out....

She's a terrible manager making you think you lacked in order to keep you in situ, when that's not the case. I wouldn't let this go. I would get a union rep to accompany you to a meeting with her to raise the overheard conversation. Unfortunately in the real world she could just deny, brush off and I'm not sure HR would do anything or would side with the senior person, her, anyway. The fact is she's holding you back, denting your belief in your abilities for her gain, she is not someone to stay around. Is it possible to move sideways in the company, or get promoted to another team? If you stay with her as your manager she'll possibly block you again and your career will stall further, don't let this happen. Drop your work ethic, energy, engagement and commitment levels to those of the rest of your team until you get away from her.

amzn.eu/d/11NxfEV

Read - How Women Rise, it explains how to be tactical in the extra you do and not being too helpful - as it does backfire as you're experiencing.

Its dependant on how honest the other manager is and if that manager is willing to back the OP into type of action/ litigation against their employer. The grievance process can be very stressful.
The OPs manager trusts the other to admit and justify her action and there did not appear to be a robust reaction of outrage/shock so her work culture could be a problem
But I agree that no matter what else happens that the relationship is beyond any hope of recovery.

I had a lovely night out with the language class - sadly, it was a meet and greet for an established class and the organiser added me thinking I was part of the class (that's what you get for booking in a hurry and not checking!). It didn't matter though as they were all hilarious and I had a nice glass of wine and a chat with a great group of people.

As some of you pointed out, I am a bit naive and don't know how to play the game. I would normally agree. I don't think fast on my feet, I am not normally quick or nimble, but I was super proud of an absolute belter of a move I made this morning. It is quite amazing what seething does to your brainpower.

BIG boss came by my desk today to ask me to do a job for him (totally in my remit, pay grade and job role) it did, for a few seconds, cross my mind to tell him whats been going on, but I realised that a 'he said/she said' over a promotion I didn't get would not look good.

Big Boss wanted me to drop everything and do a task for him, as urgent. Now, everyone hates this type of work, so it has a reputation for being hellish to sort and takes ages to resolve (but I secretly love it and can do it in my sleep), but he doesn't know that. So he was apologetic and happy to make sure I wasn't overburdened.

So I clarified that he wanted me to prioritise this over everything else, which he confirmed. I mentioned that I had picked some tasks outside my remit from other areas, to be helpful, and was he ok with me passing them back to the managers in question? I mentioned that as I was pushing back workload people thought was covered, things can get a bit fraught. He reiterated he needed the task done as a priority, so email the managers telling them these tasks now move back to their respective areas and copy him in. So I did.

Call me Ms Smug McSmugface - A first class clock-watching cubical dweller extraordinaire.

I would look her in the eye and tell her I overheard her conversation about why I didnt get the job.
I would not be simply not saying anything.

Yes this. It will take to find a job anyway so you're as well serving out the year and silently pulling back from all the extras you used to do. Practice saying 'I thought Dude would be doing that?'
Also, keep posting so we can cheer you on when you make your triumphant exit, like Bridget Jones in the original film 😀

This is fantastic karma is wonderful feeling, keep it up, think your doing it with ease, your bloody great op

OP, you are pushing back well, but do not underestimate the nastiness of someone like her who has deliberately sabotaged a promotion.

You need to email yourself detailed notes of what you witnessed asap.
Have you done this?

You need to do it as proof before she possibly makes things difficult for you.

She is used to you being her work skivvy.
She will not give that up lightly.

Get a record of it down for yourself with date and time, asap.

Consider speaking to the BIG boss about an internal move and could they help.
You can say that you have no wish to remain on that team.
You are not obliged to give an explanation.

But if you at some point want to provide a reason, your email is there to document what you witnessed.

I would wait until exit interview, while sitting it out smiling my why through the next 6 months or so finish starting on time and no more,
Managers will always stick together whether right or wrong,
Op got the upper hand right now, and what a hand she's playing

Just wanted to jump in because I have been in a similar situation. The year after I did similar to you and reduced effort to bare minimum but I found it really stressful and mentally damaging as someone who likes a job to be done well. I would consider some of the previous advice on raising a grievance and attempting to renegotiate your study agreement. Also haven't seen what industry you are in but in mine sometimes it can be negotiated to have your new employer pay the balance of these costs.

So an Update

I was left alone for about a month - it has been a little bit frosty on occasions, but everything has remained hands off.

However, until last week when a job needed doing that wasn't quite in my remit, but also not quite outside of it either, and my direct boss suddenly realised she had an 'in'.

Cue a flurry of these 'borderline' cases. First, just requests to review the cases......then the requests started with a 'could you add this'

Then, could you check this and add some wording about that' a boiling frog situation, a toe over the line...

The ones this week have ramped up and came with additional tasks added which are not in my remit, such as 'you used to add very helpful x/y/x and format in this, with added 'PQR', I would like it done that way'. (a full day's work)

Today it's come to a showdown when she asked me to do another case with a at least two days work which is not part of my remit, but was part of what i used to do to look good for a promotion. I have directly said no via email. The silence is currently deafening.

I can't hear anything over the thundering of my heart. I will cook if the fire alarm goes off because I just won't hear it.

So here goes the showdown I didn't want to do.....

Keep your nerve. You've done nothing wrong.

@lemondropsandallsorts well done and best of luck!

Smile and wave op you have this, well done,
Wonder how the ' new dude is doing' as manager still expecting you to do his work ,

Keep the extra out of work activities going too 😉

I’m in the camp that you should’ve raised this, your boss will make hay with what you’re doing to make you look bad.