Late stage - work boundaries

[lemondropsandallsorts]

Firstly, I get my work done. I have always gone above and beyond to ensure I was a good little worker bee. I have been at the job 8 years now, have a great office culture and no red flags at all. My coworkers are all great.

Two weeks ago, I was setting up a conference room and had moved the partition to separate it into one large room and one small room. My direct boss and her peer walked into the big room, not realising I was in the little room, and were chitchatting about the teams.

I was just about to announce myself when my direct boss mentioned that she was not going to offer me the promotion I had gone for. She immediately fired back to the shocked response of her peer to say that I was brilliant in my role, indispensable and deserved the promotion, but frankly, as the absolute workhorse of the team, she needed me to stay where I was.

Her peer mentioned that it didn't seem very fair, and my direct boss said something along the lines of (I was reeling at this point and my recollection gets a bit fuzzy) being a manager, you have to look at the bigger picture and the bigger picture was I served her and the overall team better staying where I was.

At that point people started trailing into their room for a meeting so the conversation stopped. The whole thing happened in the matter of seconds. I felt like I had been punched. (luckily, I was on leave for a while after, but I was emailed later to say I had not got the job. I had been so close, but hadn't done quite enough at the interview. But I was a shoe in for the next round of promotions in about a year, or maybe two - if I kept up the good work)

Every fibre of my being wanted to act rashly, hand in my notice and flounce or rant back to the email - but I have just finished a work-based qualification (in preparation for the promotion) and I will have to pay the cost back if I leave within a set period of time. Also, I have bills to pay.

So, to the point of this post.

I NEED to become less available for about a year (after that I don't need to pay the training bill and my house buying process will all be done to a change won't mess up my mortgage offer). My work only does tombstone references - so I am not worried about a sudden lack of enthusiasm showing up on references if I end up going external.

So ladies, give you tips for just doing the job you are paid for - but not a single damn thing above and bejond because I need to sit this out for a year and the only way I can cope is by planning how to unmake myself indispensable.

This is fab - but I’d suggest an edit… “as the feedback was that I wasn’t the best candidate”… no need to accept their characterisation of you since you know you were the best !

Yup, pretty much the split.

However, I would also be asked to pick up on the odd night where I was not holding the phone (like yesterday), normally at least once a week and mostly Fri or Sat night.

Yes, I had mug written all over me

Good grief - I don't see how they would even have the nerve to complain!

Kindly and respectfully OP, that is truly unbelievable that you were on call regularly unpaid.

Unbelievable.
Never, ever again.

You are being used and abused by that boss.

The nature of relationships like that, when the victim tries to change the status quo, the abuser gets very nasty.
Be careful.

Be clear. On call is NOT your job.
YOU have been hugely imposed upon innyour private life unpaid.

You are not prepared to be used further.
You want a healthy life balance.

I'm rooting for you, OP! Keep up the completely -adequate-but-no-more work!

How did your 121 go OP?

Hoping it went ok for OP.

Sorry I should have updated - the 121 was moved to this Friday. The big boss stole me to work on an urgent issue that took all Friday. No time to be smug, as it was a very timesensitive job that took all day (and today) so it is all hands to the pumps.

I will update if there are any issues in the week.

So you have 5 days work and 4 days capacity this week. Which is good push back im the 1on1.

And the whole promotion process really got you thinking about resource management and outcomes. So you are focusing on that area of career development.

The capacity shows the need to have a ranking of the task you do as part of your role and than means she has the obligation Oops your focus is to ring fence what are and are not tasks listed under your job description and how to do them better.

And re the OT if you are "asked and do" its a managers job to organise payment so if asked again look for payment via TOIL

Or if your manager makes it part of your role ask for your contract to be updated (inc pay & perks ) for the additional hours. As it stops being in the catch all Some OT clause and moves into extra named task Call_Duty.

@lemondropsandallsorts you could also state that "both you and I know I was the best candidate for the job and I did deserve that promotion but you wanted to keep me as the absolute workhorse where I would be most useful for YOUR team!" leave it hanging and she will wonder if the other person blabbed!!!!

I'm not surprised you are disappointed. Effectively, you have been punished and passed over for promotion for doing too good a job. Your manager is not a good one. You are now feeling the heat from her as she has come to rely on your good work, going above and beyond, and without complaints. Naturally she won't like this new approach.

@ScupperedbytheSea 's response is excellent.

Stand firm. As long as you are doing the work within your remit, in your contracted hours, and of an acceptable standard that is enough.

Long term, however, you may want to consider where this could lead to. Your manager may still not promote you, but it sounds as if she would never have promoted you anyway.

If you like your work and the company, are there any opportunities to move teams or apply for another role where there is a direct route for promotion say after an initial probationary period?

Yesterday afternoon, I got a flurry of emails, the tone clearly was 'I am not asking, I am telling', which got marginally more pushy as the afternoon went on.

Think along the lines of less 'could you' and more 'I expect you to'

By late afternoon, I was thoroughly hacked off. I seethed all evening and realised that though I don't want to create a bad atmosphere, it's very unlikely that if I put my foot down that I would get fired/formally reprimanded because the way this office is managed is a hundred percent powered on passive aggressiveness.

As such, I sent an email this morning carefully explaining to my direct manager in direct but professionally polite wording that I didn't appreciate her tone, her demands and her general exploitation of my time outside of my role/compensation/capacity. I offered the opportunity to sit down with HR, review my contract and have a meeting to discuss the limitations of my role and where it overlaps in workflow with her/ her team.

I was expecting it to go one of two ways - instant fireworks or a calendar invite for a chat/teams meeting.

Neither has happened. It has been a stony silence with no reduction in the emails being sent for my input.

Good for you for holding the line. Maybe if the torrent of emails doesn't calm down, resend your email but with HR copied in this time and a request to them to arrange a meeting about it?

Well handled.
I think if the emails continue you can contact HR for advice and support with an email attached explaining just how much your private life has been impacted by these out of hour requests and the aggressive tone when you are trying to have a private life.

I think contacting ACAS would be a good idea.

There is an element of Coercive control of you being pressurised to be uncall unpaid, and the shitty emails.

Give it a few more days though to gather as many emails as you can.

I think she is really messing up doing this.
Get ACAS advice as to your legal position.

You should go off long term sick and then they can’t rely on you to do their work for them then. I don’t know if you are in union but if you are contact them. You should not be expected to do higher level grade work.

Good for you it cant have been easy to get your head to a place where you are ok with direct pushback

A repeat version may be needed along the lines of can she decide which tasks are urgent and which end up on the middle of never list.

Well done for taking a stand.

If the emails persist you may wish to refer your manager to your earlier email and say that as she hasn’t replied to it you’re going to copy in HR and set up a meeting yourself.

Stay strong OP, you’re in the right here and your manager knows it, she’s just disappointed that her “work horse” isn’t doing her job for her anymore.

I'm sorry that you hard to find out the hard way that this is how the corporate environment works, and why no one should be 'loyal' to a company.

Mangers work mostly in their own best interests, and the businesses (although not always and those two things can conflict).

You are simply a cog in a machine. The fact that you're considered difficult to replace tells me that you've worked too hard and to well for them so far.

It's far more convenient to keep you where you are especially if you've already worked there for 8 years and they don't think you're likely to leave.

Also, one thing to consider is that she might have told a colleague this, but it might not be the real reason, or might be part of a larger truth.

What she might not have wanted to disclose is that once you're promoted, it will allow you to shine even brighter, and that might put her in the shade. It's unfortunate, but you have to remember that she'll be working in her own best interests, not yours. The business might look favourably on her for promoting such a great person, and in some cases this personal pay-off is enough to get managers to promote the right person, but if there's a risk that you'll make her look mediocre, or bad even, then she will make sure you're not promoted or will stifle it for as long she can possibility get away with. I think I've seen this happen in workplaces before.

Don't trust HR btw - they also work for the business and they will usually rally around the manager if there's suggestions of wrong doing, even if it involves them losing multiple people because of a particular manager.

@DrunkOnYourAwe 3 people???😮

@DPotter I agree but I hate the term 'quiet quitting'. I call it doing one's job as per the job description.

Bravo on the boundaries OP. Your boss is most likely working out what to do next and that is sensible.

I had a report try and boundary their role. Unfortunately for her (and unlike you) she tried to move the boundaries to be smaller than the clear scope of her role and also the expectations of her grade/pay. So whilst I wanted to do fireworks (this is your job, crack on) that wouldn’t have been productive. before I responded I spoke to a sensible HR person so I wasn’t messing things up.

Now of course that isn’t you. So in her shoes I would want to think carefully about how to respond in a way that would hopefully get me the outcomes I wanted but without leading to claims of bullying/someone going off sick. I doubt this will be pleasant for a while but ride it out and you’ll get there.

Oof - So sorry OP its a kicker when you realise that someone you thought had your back actually doesn't, all respect for them flies out of the window.

If you want to refer to the overheard conversation at some point, I suggest that you simply say that 'manager and peer were overheard', rather than immediately saying it was yourself that heard. As the peer was shocked, they may then be moved to be honest with HR about what they heard.

I think you have the right approach. Very dignified and doing just your job. Make this period work for you now that you know where you stand. That knowledge is your power.

six months ago I asked for progression and this was promised. Then reneged upon…. I am too now just doing my job. And doing it well. But not pre-empting others’ mistakes, not rescuing anybody, not giving more than I need to. You can think you are going above and beyond and being appreciated. But usually you are just being taken for granted.

I’m so sorry this is happening to you OP. What a shit manager she is ! Stay for as long as it suits you but you are right to do only what you have to and no more.

No real progress - she's gone off sick.

Dude looks panicked 😁

Signed off or just for today?