Late stage - work boundaries

[lemondropsandallsorts]

Firstly, I get my work done. I have always gone above and beyond to ensure I was a good little worker bee. I have been at the job 8 years now, have a great office culture and no red flags at all. My coworkers are all great.

Two weeks ago, I was setting up a conference room and had moved the partition to separate it into one large room and one small room. My direct boss and her peer walked into the big room, not realising I was in the little room, and were chitchatting about the teams.

I was just about to announce myself when my direct boss mentioned that she was not going to offer me the promotion I had gone for. She immediately fired back to the shocked response of her peer to say that I was brilliant in my role, indispensable and deserved the promotion, but frankly, as the absolute workhorse of the team, she needed me to stay where I was.

Her peer mentioned that it didn't seem very fair, and my direct boss said something along the lines of (I was reeling at this point and my recollection gets a bit fuzzy) being a manager, you have to look at the bigger picture and the bigger picture was I served her and the overall team better staying where I was.

At that point people started trailing into their room for a meeting so the conversation stopped. The whole thing happened in the matter of seconds. I felt like I had been punched. (luckily, I was on leave for a while after, but I was emailed later to say I had not got the job. I had been so close, but hadn't done quite enough at the interview. But I was a shoe in for the next round of promotions in about a year, or maybe two - if I kept up the good work)

Every fibre of my being wanted to act rashly, hand in my notice and flounce or rant back to the email - but I have just finished a work-based qualification (in preparation for the promotion) and I will have to pay the cost back if I leave within a set period of time. Also, I have bills to pay.

So, to the point of this post.

I NEED to become less available for about a year (after that I don't need to pay the training bill and my house buying process will all be done to a change won't mess up my mortgage offer). My work only does tombstone references - so I am not worried about a sudden lack of enthusiasm showing up on references if I end up going external.

So ladies, give you tips for just doing the job you are paid for - but not a single damn thing above and bejond because I need to sit this out for a year and the only way I can cope is by planning how to unmake myself indispensable.

@FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee

We don't get told details - so not sure

Could be genuine illness or it could be your response has panicked her. She has been using (and abusing) your goodwill for so long and may now be aware the good times are at an end.
You've done great. Best of luck going forward. Keep us informed if you can.
BTW how is the newly promoted member of staff managing?

Dude looked super panicked this morning, and then no one has seen hide nor hair of him.

I have had a few people come by and ask me questions that should be put to Dude but luckily they are all stuff he has to sign off, so I have not been put in the position where I actually have let down a coworker to make a point (which would suck and make me feel really bad)

Maybe you'll end up with a promotion anyway...to manager! 😂

@TwentyKittens - That was the job I went for, Dude got promoted instead

Good job on the boundaries op!

Please do continue your updates. I’m ridiculously invested as an office worker myself and have been following along like it’s some kind of suspense novel! 😅

Great boundaries @lemondropsandallsorts . Hope you find something internally soon with a good manager or externally next year. My manager fought tooth & nail for my promotion even when it meant losing me. But she was good enough to know she is able to hire and train another great candidate. Great managers do exist but clearly not yours.

This happens so much to women - she's doing a great job, why would I move her? But with men, he's doing a great job and he might leave, so I should give him the promotion and I'm sure he'll do a great job at the higher level.

I have no idea why your manager is off sick, but if it's because she's expecting to do more work and dude is not great and also not picking up the slack, then this is karma (which i don't believe in).

Shoulda given you the job.

I agree, OP. I was going to suggest saying you like to be helpful, but doing so much extra work was finally exhausting you.

But Scuppered’s approach is better, utterly honest without passive aggression.

They need to know. Best of luck with it all.

Bad managers don't promote good people because they show themselves up as bad managers. You make her look good in the position you are in and the extra work you've been doing, dude face won't do that so she still get to look all shiny.

The only way you are getting promotion is if you leave or move to another team, she's never going to support you, you're her kudos generator. No wonder she is off sick.

As other PP have said be wary of HR, they aren't there to side with employees but to keep the business from having their arse handed to them, unless it's criminal they will side with management and so will other management. Do keep evidence of what is going on, your manager has finally twigged what's going on, she will try and make you out to be a lazy, disruptive employee now so she still gets to be shiny and manage you out.

OP, highly likely she is being strategic in going off sick so you'll have to save Dude.

I think you should be ready to be very very busy with your private life.

Do not take that phone.
Any pushback you keep confirming work life balance, a very busy private life and trying to re balance after an extended period of the job interfering with your private life.

The constantly being on unpaid call being a perfect example.

NOT your job but you were constantly imposed upon multiple times a week.

I really think you should check with ACAS to the legality of this.

Not part of your job soec but forced to be on call, un paid.

I cannot believe it is legal.

How is Poor Dude getting on? Is he having a Difficult Day?

Don’t you dare agree to take that phone!

That is appalling.

I wouldn’t be able to keep my mouth shut. I would email HR and copy her and her colleague in stating the bare facts of what you heard and when, no emotion just facts.

Then I would make it known that as soon as the pay back period arises you will be looking for other jobs and from then on do the absolute bare minimum and not a thing more.

Oh bugger I didn’t read the whole thread sorry!

What a tale and you are handling it perfectly.

She is off sick again today, nothing was mentioned about dude being invisible/incommunicado for the whole of yesterday.

I should address people's comments about her being a bad manager, now yes, in this instance, in relation to my promotion, it was a bad bad call. However, she is a very good manager in her own right. Yes, she did lean on me for the additional extras I was offering, but let's remember here I was stepping up and showing up for a promotion and as such, I made the choice to do all these additional tasks.

As explained earlier, she is very cut and dried, she works very hard, she is very very good at what she does, including allowing delegation to someone who is perfectly capable of picking up extra tasks and was actively asking to do it (at the time)

We have only come to loggerheads because she decided to leave me where I am, but expected me to keep up with the 5-star service. I do not dislike her as a person, we are not friendly, but I can separate the person from the role they fill, and I genuinely believe her to be very good in her role, and I don't think any of this relates to 'showing her up'

I understand why she's done what she's done, I don't agree with it, and I still have a very strong feeling of injustice, but I feel the best way to resolve this matter is to make changes to how this all impacts me.

I understand your being angry I will be fuming. Can you play it your way now? You have seen their cards use them to your advantage and ask for a pay rise.
You know now they can't make it without you easily, take the lead and ask for a pay rise, then do as you please staying or going in a year, but play those card as they had played them. If they tell you no, well it will be a year. If they tell you yes, well you got the money.
It is not personal is the bigger picture of business.

For what it’s worth OP, I think you are handling this in a very measured and professional way.

Well done for making a stand op.

I think that your approach is completely and totally reasonable, OP. You sound very level headed.

No she is a bad manager.

I lose my best people all the time (and rightly so. No one holds me back and I just wouldn't do that to anyone else).

A good manager is all over it and anticipating the move of good staff and has plans a, b and c in place.

I wouldn't be afraid to casually let it slip that she was overhead saying that she wouldn't promote you as you were the team workhorse. You don't have to say how you are aware of it but I don't see any downside in mentioning it.

She's a look after herself first manager rather than bigger picture manager- the worst kind.

I wish you worked for me Op. You sound awesome!

OP she's a bad manager because she asks you to go beyond your remit all the time.

If she was good she wouldn't and if you choose to go beyond your remit yourself she should be managing your energies to performing your role and championing you for projects to stretch your abilities not just your time.

I know you feel we are doing her down but we're not. There is no way anyone who worked under me covered anything I should be doing and once trained and showing aptitude and positive attitude they absolutely got promoted with my blessings however hard it was to lose them

You are right she's not your friend, she's not even a decent manager

Gone off sick after promoting one person and no longer being enabled by all the work being done by you which actually was her responsibility.

Sounds like doing her whole job is overwhelming. Please keep up the resistance!

May I suggest redirecting all queries to Dude with the statement that you are supporting his promotion.

I posted earlier but coming back because your post stuck with me as I've had to recommend my best team member for a promotion in another department this week. I couldn't not recommend them - they are bloody brilliant, deserve their promotion.

Losing them will be a disruption but it's been a while coming so we have two others ready to step up and they'll be just as good after a few months.

If I were you, and you still want to remain working there, ask her can you get a formal review of your salary given that you've just done a very good interview which confirms you are doing a great job and that you've been a number of tasks beyond your main role for the last two years.

It's a strong indicator to her that there's a cost to keeping you. If she thinks you are about to leave and has already make it obvious she doesn't want that, it's the best time to start asking her.