Husbands food preferences driving me crazy - NEW THREAD

[Jessa85]

NEW THREAD for those following my thread from yesterday!

I will post the update of my conversation with my husband in a second.Original thread

Hi OP, defo speak to your solicitor again about the UAE impact.

On a positive note, the move would get him out your hair! So it actually might be the best thing for you (finances aside).

I would definitely apply for your own credit card and a separate bank account. Should be easy to apply online.

You don't have a credit card because your husband told you you don't need one? Surely that's financial coercive control.

One more thing for your 'to do asap' list!

Would you be able to get it sent somewhere other than your home address? Grandad's, maybe?

You can get bills sent to your email and an app on your phone- just let your provider know you don’t want paper bills.

I was referring to the letter with the actual card

I've read both threads and just want to say I could hug your Grandfather!! The fact that you were able to speak to him about this and he's so supportive is fantastic. You are an inspiring lady who by showing what you are going through may give others the strength to follow your action.

Please be aware that salaries in the UAE are totally tax free and salaries usually considerably higher than UK. Companies also provide accommodation, health insurance etc.

I think talk to your solicitor about this job.
He has undoubtedly used coercive control and financial abuse to abuse you.
Perhaps you can use reporting him to the police as leverage in a divorce.
I certainly would.
Talk to your solicitor about the level of vontrol he has exerted over you.

Also talk to Women's aid, they will know if the police would be interested.

You are doing so well.

@Jessa85

Put his time in the UAE to good use. This is your chance to methodically tear the house apart looking for any of his financial information. Also a good time to 'inventory' the house and see if you have any valuable or sentimental items that you might want to move out of the house without him noticing. Things like jewelry, keepsakes, photos that you want to hold on to when he leaves. If nothing can be moved, at least make a list of them and where they are for future reference. Ditto for your important papers (passports, BCs, MC, financial stuff etc). Move them out of the house or 'secure' them where he won't find them.

Thank you. I have a bank account in my own name but I move everything to the joint account to meet my husbands old request for 50/50. I am worried that applying for a credit card now will affect a mortgage application in future? I know thats a while off because I need the money from our current home to fund that move.

I’ve sent emails to the solicitor detailing everything about the UAE and requesting what to do with loan from my grandad. Just waiting their reply.

@AcrossthePond55 all my documents and the girls documents are with my mum since Sunday plus anything I thought would be useful. I will take the time to go through his office while he is away and there is some inherited jewelery from my grandmother that I would like to hide. I also went onto our laptop and downloaded everything including photos to USB… the rest is on my phone. Thank you.

@Mudflaps thank you, he is an absolute diamond and I don’t know what I would do without him. He has essentially been my father figure for many years and when I told him my plan he was ready for action! We lost my grandmother late last year and he’s been so low and lost since but now he’s got a fire inside… I think he’s ready to fight with me ❤️

Your grandfather's enthusiasm suggests this isn't entirely a surprise to him!

Thank you. I can have the card sent to home, husband is never there when the post arrives so I’m not too worried about that.

He’s asked me many times over the years if I’m happy and if I ever needed anything he is there. I think he always knew but didn’t want to cause any problems.

Getting a credit card will actually boost your credit score, and therefore boost your ability to get your own mortgage.

Getting a credit card and paying it off will improve your credit rating.

I totally agree!

all my documents and the girls documents are with my mum since Sunday plus anything I thought would be useful. I will take the time to go through his office while he is away and there is some inherited jewelery from my grandmother that I would like to hide. I also went onto our laptop and downloaded everything including photos to USB… the rest is on my phone.

Make sure you get copies of all HIS financial documents - including pensions and tax returns!

We lost my grandmother late last year and he’s been so low and lost since but now he’s got a fire inside… I think he’s ready to fight with me ❤️

I'm sorry for the loss of your dear GM 💔 but the image of your grandad standing up to fight for his beloved granddaughter really made me smile.

Your previous post about this giving your grandfather fire, has made me tearful. I'm so glad you have one decent man behind you. Tell him I wish he was my grandad too and I am so sorry he lost his wife💐.

Quietly apply for a credit card now.
Quietly open a new bank account and have your money put there, your grandfather's money put there, etc
Look into child maintenance arrangements if he moves out of the country.

His week away is your opportunity to gather information about accounts, important documents like passports, etc, and move them someplace safe (like your grandfather's)

Love Granddad

could you use the credit card to pay solicitor, and Granddad pays the credit card bill?
That way you are building credit too, as you are using credit, but its being paid each month.

Good morning, sorry for the late reply I've had a few busy days. Thank you for all the advice on my personal account and credit card.

I setup a new bank account yesterday with Monzo, I wanted to have something completely separate to the bank where my husband and I currently have our accounts. It probably doesn't make a difference but to me, it made me feel free. I also got accepted for a credit card yesterday and Grandad is going to pay off the balance for me when required. I will only use it for legal fees and will pay him back completely once the divorce is finalised... not that he wants me to but it's the right thing to do.

Your grandfather is ace. Sounds like my late dad.
My dad came from a generation where it was usual for a man to work and a woman to stay at home.
He was not into that at all, my dad had a good job but my mum was a career girl. Which meant I spent many happy nights with him watching the telly when she was at night school.
He was my backstop in life. He could never get his head around the way I got treated at times. I can remember a final last dash to get in his Ford Mondeo when I’d literally grabbed what I could.
Your grandfather should be wearing a cape.
Your husband should get given a t shirt with ‘I Should Have Tried The Beef Tacos’ on it. I wonder what he will eat in UAE. Beige food?

Brilliant op!

Bare in mind that you will need to declare any accounts that you have and supply 6 months/1 years statements for your Form E. I also had to give a years credit card statement at the request of my H's solicitor (as he didn't believe that I didn't have any other income - I didn't) but that does mean that you can request the same of him. You (and he) can also ask for an explanation for any items on those statements. Hence, us saying to initially keep your grandad out of it if you can. Funnily enough, his payment to 'Guardian Soulmates' from his account on the first night he left, didn't require explanation! 😆

I had to provide these statements twice as my divorce took so long and financial information had to keep being updated. My financial situation worsened significantly from the start of the divorce because I was paying such large solicitor bills but that did strengthen my position in the final assets split.