Husbands food preferences driving me crazy - NEW THREAD

[Jessa85]

NEW THREAD for those following my thread from yesterday!

I will post the update of my conversation with my husband in a second.Original thread

@Daftapath makes a good point, that previous posters have made, in that the divorce costs should be taken account of in the final settlement assessment.

Oh yes my solicitor said declarations signed by myself and my grandfather to say the payment of the fees by him is done as a loan and I will be paying back after the divorce settlement is sufficient. I took both parts of the advice I received here, one to make sure my grandfather paying wasn't seen as additional income from me and the other to use it for building my credit history. Solicitor is happy.

My wages will now come into my personal account and I have no problems declaring anything on form E. Thank you for all the advice and good to know about the bills forming part of your final assets split.

My goodness, OP, you are on fire! Is your husband still clueless?

@PeggyMitchellsCameo haha I have no idea what he will eat there 😂

Oh so clueless! Just goes to show how little attention he pays to anything in the house or in my life.

Just out of curiosity, as I'm not suggesting it, what would he do if he got back from his trip and found you'd moved out?

My divorce costs weren't taken into account so just check that.

Just posting in support 💪

It feels like you’re so energised by the thought of being free from him, your plans and everything. It’s so good - a new beginning for you. Good luck this evening @Jessa85

This is one time you can thank your lucky stars for that!

It's also the reason he will be sooooo gobsmacked when you tell him you're done. And that will be equal parts amusing and infuriating.

If he is keen to go & work overseas, you can say that you are staying as DC will need to have stability/school/ & he can enjoy eating whatever he chooses.
& at least there won't be a fight over the children's resident parent etc

I hope you've had a good weekend with the girls!

And I hope you have a productive week with the finances, et cetera while he's away...

Plus, it's just so much easier not having to pretend all week except for when he's on the phone or whatever he normally does when he's away.

Your grandfather is a complete gem, what has your mum had to say about it? Quite often parents will try to convince their children not to get a divorce and rock the boat because they don't want things to change. But maybe your mum has had her own opinions about him for quite some time and is fully supportive.?!

Ohh I'm not sure what he would do actually!

Had a lovely weekend thank you! Husband is now off to the UAE so I feel very relaxed and plan to go through his office with a fine-tooth comb later... let's hope he doesn't have a camera.. haha I've been watching the day of the jackal and I saw that on there 😂

Had a chat with him on Friday night because he asked me what would happen if he took the job in the UAE. I told him its not fair on the girls to uproot their whole lives here, they are settled into school, our eldest is part of a gymnastics club and has a strong friendship group here. Our youngest started year R in September 2024 and has taken a little bit of time to settle as she is one of the youngest in the class. He told me he is seriously considering taking the job as it's an excellent career opportunity for him. I kept myself cool and told him we would talk about it when he has all the details. However, its my plan to get the divorce in motion very soon and say that he can be free to do whatever he wants with his career now.

Re mum... well initially she wasn't supportive and felt I should stay in the marriage until the girls were older. I reminded her that this is what she did and she lived a very unhappy life. Since I told her that she has been very supportive. She said she knew I was unhappy but thought we could resolve our issues.

Have you asked your solicitor about the implications of him taking this job Op? I'd want to be sure you'd still get a proper share of assets if he lives abroad

I'm waiting for a reply on that. Husband told me on Friday that the job offer will be starting in August/September time as his company is restructuring out there and the position will be newly created as part of that restructure. I'm hoping this gives us a bit of time to get the ball rolling.

From what he was telling me, he would be there 6-12 months so I don't think it's a permanent thing and he'd be there on some sort of work visa. This is why I've asked him for the full details, so that I can figure out how it's going to affect the assets in divorce and child maintenance payments.

"He told me he is seriously considering taking the job as it's an excellent career opportunity for him"

God this man is selfish to his core isn't it. He clearly sees it as his decision, not a family decision. And you'll have to put up and shut up.

Keep moving towards that light at the end of the tunnel!!

I know this is hardly relevant in the circumstances as you rightly intend to leave him, but surely he wouldn't consider uprooting his children for the sake of a 12-month contract?

Did you get the sense that he was regretful that you weren’t going with him? Has he seemed more upbeat since your conversation or just the same? I’m wondering if he is sensing your shift in behaviour. Mainly because before I told my now ex husband I thought there were signs that he felt the same and it was around 6 months before that I made my mind up and sought financial advice. But when I told him and raised some comments that he had made he was oblivious and said I was overthinking.

If he's going to be moving out there and still on a UK contract I'd be tempted to wait until he starts then he will be out of the house so you can live peacefully whilst you get your ducks in a row and sell the house etc.

@flippinnorrra God this man is selfish to his core isn't it. He clearly sees it as his decision, not a family decision. And you'll have to put up and shut up.

He really is and I'm so glad I see it now. It was so hard to not blow up when he said that. He always says, its for us, its so we can retire early but it's not is it. If it was for us he wouldn't have me struggling every month financially to the point where I can't afford anything for myself. No it's for him, for him to retire early and enjoy the World with the younger model he'll trade me in for because I'm just old and drab.

Yes he would, he's selfish.

He didn't seem regretful, he said I might change my mind when I have all the details (I won't). He probably senses something is off, I've tried my hardest to be 'business as usual' but I do think he sees a change in my behaviour in general such as standing up for myself re finances, cooking and now this. It's very hard to be submissive to him now.

I'm not sure I can carry on with him in the house until August. I'm dying inside 😢

Has he had any suggestions or ideas on how this would look from a family perspective? Is he plannign to go by himself and leave you and the DC behind? or does he think you're all going to go? Has he even considered schooling/housing etc - or asked what that might look like as part of a relocation package?

He sounds more and more checked out and selfish by the minute.