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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Husbands food preferences driving me crazy - NEW THREAD

1000 replies

Jessa85 · 28/02/2025 12:17

NEW THREAD for those following my thread from yesterday!

I will post the update of my conversation with my husband in a second.Original thread

OP posts:
DubheYouCantBeSirius · 13/03/2025 09:44

I'm wondering what the benefit to him was to be so obnoxious about the food that this thread was originally about before the OP realised it was the tip of a very dark and appalling triangle?

Control? Just to be nasty and try and start a row so he wasn't seen to be the villain of the piece when he disappeared over the horizon with his OW?

Anyone that said he never wanted his kids to his OW deserves anything the OP can throw at him. I just hope she realises he's a bottom feeding arsehole soon and he has no-one.

Dimpous · 13/03/2025 09:45

You are just absolutely phenomenal. Today is going to be so so tough, and so bittersweet but you have the whole of mumsnet so proud of you! ❤️

katepilar · 13/03/2025 09:52

Not sure what words to use to send you support, you've been incredibly on fire to move things on. Wishing you everything goes as smoothly as it possibly can.

NettleTea · 13/03/2025 09:53

DubheYouCantBeSirius · 13/03/2025 09:44

I'm wondering what the benefit to him was to be so obnoxious about the food that this thread was originally about before the OP realised it was the tip of a very dark and appalling triangle?

Control? Just to be nasty and try and start a row so he wasn't seen to be the villain of the piece when he disappeared over the horizon with his OW?

Anyone that said he never wanted his kids to his OW deserves anything the OP can throw at him. I just hope she realises he's a bottom feeding arsehole soon and he has no-one.

the kind of man who begrudges his wife having anything nice.
Hence removing most of her money from her too.
Its all part of the same mindset.

Good luck today, and as others said, be careful and prepare for the crash - you are running high on adrenaline, and the crowd support of MN, and your righteous anger at your discoveries, but once the thing has blown up, you may feel the down.
I am glad you will have your family around you to hold you in RL safety and care, and know that this forum of harpies are also good at the support at that point too

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 13/03/2025 09:56

Good luck todau

CaveMum · 13/03/2025 10:00

I’ve been lurking in the background but popping out to say Food Luck OP.

You’re being so strong, even if you don’t feel it, and are an amazing role model for your DC.

CuriousQuestioningGal · 13/03/2025 10:14

@Jessa85 Sending you and the girls lots of love and good wishes! Am so glad you have a wonderful family to support you as this must be awful for you to go through. I will be thinking of you all day 💪stay strong!

StrawberryPi · 13/03/2025 10:14

Another Food Luck from me! Have also lurked from the start and you are clearly such a warm, strong, bright, loving, intelligent woman that has been ground down over many years. I am so happy you are getting out for the sake of yourself and your kids, and it sounds like your wonderful Mum are rallying around you. Look after yourself today xx

Scirocco · 13/03/2025 10:25

Good luck today, OP! You've got this.

Sortalike · 13/03/2025 10:26

Anyone else looking on Flight Radar and searching for flights from Abu Dhabi? My "HA HA YOU'RE BUSTED BUSTER" is neatly wrapped, in my car and I can be at the airport within the hour.

GarlindawithaGARRR · 13/03/2025 10:27

I have never commented on Mumsnet before, but I have to comment on this one.....

After reading everything you have been going through and all you have done, I just want to say "Some superhero's wear capes but to your girls you will forever wear the badge of SuperMum'.

Take some time to pamper yourself and your girls and go and have the best time together, carefree and looking towards your future - because from today onwards it is going to be rosy.

flippinnorrra · 13/03/2025 10:28

Sortalike · 13/03/2025 10:26

Anyone else looking on Flight Radar and searching for flights from Abu Dhabi? My "HA HA YOU'RE BUSTED BUSTER" is neatly wrapped, in my car and I can be at the airport within the hour.

Edited

Sales of giant inflatable 🖕have gone through the roof in the vicinity of the airport.

CoffeeBeansGalore · 13/03/2025 10:33

Good luck @Jessa85 . You've got mum, grandad & MN cheering you on 🎉

CautiousLurker01 · 13/03/2025 10:36

Thisbastardcomputer · 13/03/2025 08:24

I used to have a very taxing job, but the mundane stuff clears your head, it's part of family life, he's obviously too important for that.

My DH feels the same. He’s a board director of a FTSE 100 company (erm and 30 odd subsidiaries), but refuses to get a gardener as, despite his moaning about cleaning up dog poop and being mithered about the state of the lawn - getting outside with the dogs, and the kids when they were younger, was really cleansing for his soul. He has recently insisted, after 32 years of being together and finally finishing our house, that I get a cleaner so that I have more quality time at the weekends without me stressing to get the house perfect on a Friday. THAT is what a loving partner does, no matter how important he may be perceived to be in his career, you put the needs of your family at least on a par with your own. It should always be about family when you have children.

I cannot believe what @Jessa85 has had to put up with from this self-centred, selfish egotist. She will be so much happier without him - and so will his girls, even if it take a while for them to adjust. With a mum like theirs, they will be more than okay.

BananaWoman999 · 13/03/2025 10:39

Another round of applause from me Jessa! You are amazing!

FOOD LUCK for today! It's the first day of the rest of your life! There will definitely be bumps in the road, I'm sure, but even so, your future is so much brighter without the idiot STBXH sapping all the fun and enjoyment from your life!

I'm sure if at the end of this you post your general location, you will be overwhelmed with mumsnetters offering to take you out for coffee/champagne/delicious bloody food! X

CautiousLurker01 · 13/03/2025 10:41

OchreRaven · 13/03/2025 09:42

As someone who works in this area GDPR shouldn’t be an issue if you are recording the call for your personal life/ recollection of events. GDPR doesn’t cover people in their home life. It would only become an issue if you wanted to use the actual recording in court etc. but it may still be permissible depending on the circumstances and your solicitor can advise. I’d say record if you can even just for your own piece of mind!

Agree with this - plus, I think even if recorded tapes aren’t admissible a transcript of the conversations would be? Hopefully just the threat of sharing the recordings would be enough leverage for him to play ball.

Thatwouldbeme · 13/03/2025 10:45

I'm sorry your going through this, but my god you are the boss. Your girls have a strong and loving mummy. Good luck with everything

weirdoboelady · 13/03/2025 10:52

OchreRaven · 13/03/2025 09:42

As someone who works in this area GDPR shouldn’t be an issue if you are recording the call for your personal life/ recollection of events. GDPR doesn’t cover people in their home life. It would only become an issue if you wanted to use the actual recording in court etc. but it may still be permissible depending on the circumstances and your solicitor can advise. I’d say record if you can even just for your own piece of mind!

All agreed. It's not me you need to be talking to, it's the phone companies. I am saying that recording apps on phones DO NOT WORK RELIABLY to record both sides of the conversation since GDPR. You need to use a 2nd phone or other device to record the whole convo. The phone companies don't know the intended use of the recording, and so have blocked the facility (it does work sometimes but is not a safe way of recording).

Janie143 · 13/03/2025 10:59

You are a champion OP. So string for yourself and your girls. It must have been a shock to find out about the OW but good you had already made the descion to leave the pathetic man baby.

CleansUpButWouldPreferNotTo · 13/03/2025 11:10

Another lurker popping up to say Food Luck @Jessa85 ! Wishing you and your DDs all the very best.

Crazygolfer · 13/03/2025 11:12

Best of luck today OP, you are amazing!!! Keep strong ❤️

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 13/03/2025 11:13

@Jessa85 Another one who's read through both threads and is totally rooting for you, OP.

Can we just take a minute to think about the fact that you can originally posted because you were fed up of being expected to cook your wanker of a husband the same three meals on repeat, then you realised you've been financially abused for years, and finally you uncovered an affair and are making plans to divorce him and take your share of the money, and he's not even aware of it yet?

Meanwhile there is this other woman who doesn't know what's in store for her yet. (By the way, I bet his eating habits are more adventurous when he's with her, otherwise he would be too boring to have an affair with.)

But mark my words, when you've dumped him and he's a free man, she'll soon realise that when you play stupid games you win stupid prizes.

The prize being a lazy, misogynistic shit who will expect her to cook him spag bol or curry every night and do most of the housework regardless of the fact that she also has a good job. He'll probably also continue to describe himself as the breadwinner, unless of course she out earns him in which case he'll probably want to split their bills proportionate to income, and have her contribute to the maintenance that he will have to pay for your kids.

FloofyKat · 13/03/2025 11:19

Just wanted to saw what an incredible role model you are bring, not only for your children, but also for other women on here who find themselves living in similarly unhealthy relationships. You are proof that it’s possible to take back control. I’m sure there will be some rocky moments ahead, but these will pass, and there are happier times ahead.

i do echo those who have said that you’ll need to give yourself some extra self-care once the adrenaline has subsided. I’m so glad you have your amazing grandad and your mum to lean on. Grab that support and accept help from your friends, too. This will be vital in helping you and your DC move forward.

Wishing you much luck today - I hope you have a lovely non-beige tea planned!

Crikeyalmighty · 13/03/2025 11:20

Keep strong- find your inner fury!!

CoffeeBeansGalore · 13/03/2025 11:36

Can you get yourself a pamper bundle? Favourite bubble bath/shower gel, body lotion, perfume, nice wine, fancy chocolates etc. So when he's being an absolute arse (you know he will be because he will be hurting in the wallet) you can breathe a sigh of relief as you treat yourself.

As your mum is there, get some popcorn, hot chocolate & goodies so you can all have a nice film night. An evening cuddled up on the sofa with mum & nan will be nice for your girls.

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