Husbands food preferences driving me crazy!

[Jessa85]

Sorry this got long! I'm struggling with my husband and the family meals I make.

He is incredibly fussy or particular... I don't know the best way to describe it so I'll list out what he won't eat -

• no creamy dishes - things like 'marry me' chicken or honey mustard chicken are a no no.
• no sour cream or mayonnaise - would simply refuse something like beef stroganoff
• no chunky vegetable dishes, no salads
• refuses to eat meals with pie or pastries
• won't eat fish
• no stews or soups - hates stews and soups are 'not a meal' apparently
• jacket potatoes will only eat with beans and must have meat on the side
• hates egg dishes so meals like quiche or omelette are out of the question

None of these preferences are allergy related.

We eat the same meals on repeat every week - some pasta variation, some curry variation, some meat and veg variation and I'm at my wits end, It's been 10 years and I'm bored of the same food. I'm craving something different but every time he will say - does it have XYZ in it? why is the veg all chunky? you know I don't like this sort of thing and so on. If he had it his way, we would BBQ meat every night and eat it with the same veg and some form of side dish.

I am a mum and work full-time, I am responsible for most of the housework and all the cooking. I really do not want to be cooking two separate meals everyday, I don't have the time or the energy for that.

I thought about asking him to cook his own meal but then I have the issue of our kids seeing us eating two different things and say well if daddy can have something different why can't I! Which will stress me out even more, I want them to eat a variety of food and not become so regimented like their father.

I really don't know what to do, I've spoken to him about it many times and he said 'I like what I like'... my reply was 'well what about what I like?' he told me I can always cook myself something different. Any advice appreciated, thank you.

UPDATE FROM OP ADDED BY MNHQ: Thank you for all the replies and for all the advice on food. The situation has escalated and I'll add updates on my relationship when possible for those interested in following along with me

My ex did pretty much the same when he left. He saw two of the three of them about one night a week for about 6 weeks ( the oldest refused to go ). They didn’t go to his house, he just took them to MacDonalds or out for a pizza.

I assumed this was because he was living with OW but he didn’t want the kids to know, although they were high school age so they worked it out pretty quickly. But in fact it was for another reason.

At that time he was still paying child maintenance for them, but he stopped after about 8 weeks and told the CSA that he was feeding the children all their meals for the whole week. When they threw out his claim, he stopped seeing the children completely.

The children were devastated all over again, as they realised he was only seeing them to get it out of paying child support.

For the last 3 years he’s seen them once or twice a year. The oldest still doesn’t go and the younger two will probably start refusing soon. They are angry and in tears after every visit.

He quit his salaried job of 20 years and went “ self employed “ as a consultant to the same company. He is supposed to pay child support of £7 / week as he claims to have an income of £9,000/ year, but he doesn’t even pay that.

Like you I find it inexplicable. I can only conclude that he never loved them in the first place. I find that just heartbreaking.

I know his behaviour is very common and that 50% of fathers have no contact with their children within two years of the divorce but in my heart, I just can’t comprehend it. he has moved on to this whole new life with his new partner and acting like a great guy to her children ( who are in their 20s) and completely abandoned his own.

I would never EVER expected this would happen. I honestly thought he loved his kids.

Im so sorry you are going through this .

Hope you have made his parents aware? He should not be getting a pass with them for his appalling behaviour!!

It's absolutely heartbreaking to hear how some exes treat their children. Your poor girls, @Jessa85. How devastating for them, how selfish he is. You must feel completely sickened by him.

It didn’t surprise me either to be honest but at least I was prepared. I wasn’t planning to update for a while but he made me so angry I needed to get it off my chest 😂

I haven’t told his parents, I’m trying to avoid slating their son everytime even though he deserves it… primarily because I’ve made sure they can still visit the girls fortnightly and video calls whenever and I don’t want us to have any tension. Their attention should be on their granddaughters so that my girls feel the love.

I have however communicated everything to my solicitor and I am still documenting everything for future financial/childcare discussions or court dates if applicable. He’s responded to the divorce so thankfully my solicitor can get on with all that we need to agree on. Unfortunately he hasn’t responded to my email for child maintainence payments.

Thank you. Yes I have

I'm guessing the mortgage is in both names?
I would simply point out to him that failure to pay for mortgage costs will result in both of you effecting your credit rating therefore you expect the mortgage contributions.
Banks don't give two hoots if he's moved out he's legally tied to the property!

Given his self opinion of level of high worth he probably hasn't considered that impact and will do so through gritted teeth. He will not want something effecting his credit score!

It is in both. Thankfully I’m in a position to pay it and won’t do anything to risk my own credit score. I was just having a moan here at his lack of accountability and decency.

He’s also aware of his obligations as I’ve sent him everything that is still expected of him as a parent and financially from a legal perspective. I’m sure his own solicitor would have advised the same.

@Jessa85 sorry but I would definitely inform your inlaws! do they know he has a new girlfriend? let them know he is not even fulfilling financial obligations regarding his children!! pretty sure they will rip him a new one!!

What a sad pathetic man he is.
I was in the supermarket before and saw rows and rows of beige packet food and it reminded me of him.
Yuk.
He might be trying to play games and thinks he is winning but you have outsmarted him before and will do again.
And to think if you’d never have divorced his office and the evidence, you’d have been none the wiser. And he probably still wouldn’t be paying up.
If he were my son I would be horrified. Tell his parents.

I would be telling his parents too. -

Hi op great he has responded to divorce papers, you are aware am sure the process now is 6 months on divorce, so if you continue to pay mortgage in that time you need to add what he hasn't paid so hopefully you can claim this back at other end,

They're going to talk to him x

Good news, OP. Hopefully they can get to the bottom of his obvious mid-life crisis and wake him up to what an absolute t*sser of a father he is being.

Yes I agree… @Jessa85 is so inspiring as is all the support and advice on the two threads. I keep wanting to quote this when I see so many other people struggling with awful partners.

@Jessa85 I admire you so much in the way you’re handling this and with total love for your children in everything you do.
i think it’s good you told his parents but I do totally understand why you were wary. I have witnessed in my family “the blood thicker than water” mentality and perfectly rational people suddenly turning when their own blood was criticised too much .
Just from your posts tho it’s easy to tell that you’re so fair and also intelligent. I’m sure they’re devastated over how you’ve been treated.
I can honestly say he sounds like one of the most despicable men I’ve ever read about on here or known IRL.
Obviously you know you’ve done the right thing and once this divorce is over and your payments set by the court - I am sure you will
continue to feel lighter and happier xxx

Glad your inlaws are talking to him I know there is an element of not wanting to muck up your own credit rating in regards to credit scores but unless you get the financial settlement on the asset to minus any costs you have since occurred from him refusing to pay (which is unlikely from a courts perspective) then he will be getting more. I assume he sees it as his way of punishing you for taking half the joint savings and for filing for divorce.

You can always get solicitor to write a letter of X amount of child maintenance is to be received within 14 days and then on x date each month. Failure to respond will be a claim with CMS direct (this comes out of his pay slip directly and that will also make him loose face which again he's not going to want). You will lose a bit due to admin fee etc but if he's refusing then best way (long run might be best way anyway!)

Just sending a handhold.

Is your mum still there with you?

@Jessa85 i think the only silver lining in your ex not seeing the girls, is that they will not be introduced to the ow ( at least while it is all fresh and raw). Trust me that would feel like a body blow playing happy family’s.
He is an absolute shit though, not even financially supporting the kids which is the bare minimum. It’s people like him that tend to die alone in old age ..

Go straight to the child maintenance department - sorry they were called CSA in my day bt I know its changed

Get that ball rolling for now

Thank you. I am already going through the process with CMS, sent my application and all his details just after he left. It takes up to 4 weeks for their decision so that's still pending.

In the meantime, I'd sent him an email with all the information on from my solicitor and how he was still liable to pay towards the mortgage etc... I also asked him on that to still contribute to the girls ISA's. Of course he never replied to the email and the normal date he'd send money to the joint account came and went.

His parents spoke to him, he's now sent me 50% of the joint acc costs... which still leaves me forking out the rest despite him earning significantly more but hey ho, at least its something. He's refused to contribute to the girls savings anymore and told me to take it out of the savings I stole from him.... which of course we know I didn't, I'm legally entitled to 50% of our joint savings as per my solicitor.

I'm keeping track of all of my financial expenditure and I'm hoping the solicitor can sort it all out with the financial settlement in the divorce.

On that email I did tell him the child support payments he would need to pay and sent the calculator I used to show it was correct. His parents also told him he is liable for that and he said he's not paying it and will speak to his solicitor... he's either clueless or just being difficult on purpose to stop me getting what the girls are entitled too. Anything he sends me for the girls is going straight to their savings accounts so the only ones he is hurting is their futures.

Even His own solicitor will tell him he needs to make the CMS payments, what an arse of a man he is! It’s good his parents are supporting you right now and hopefully they are still having contact with the girls.

Yes I'm sure they've told him I think he's just pushing it for as long as he can, to make my life difficult.

Yes, they're supportive and they can't really side with him because they've seen all the evidence for themselves. He's also being very difficult with them too, I think he's having a mid-life crisis. The girls were facetiming them last night, they'll be down again during the Easter holidays for a visit ❤

@Jessa85 that is good to hear.
Please be prepared in the future that they will likely reconcile with their son and will accept the ow in some shape or form.
But for now, live in the now and accept the support for the girls, sounds like they adore them.
I hope amoungst all this madness you are finding time to be kind to yourself x