Husbands food preferences driving me crazy!

[Jessa85]

Sorry this got long! I'm struggling with my husband and the family meals I make.

He is incredibly fussy or particular... I don't know the best way to describe it so I'll list out what he won't eat -

• no creamy dishes - things like 'marry me' chicken or honey mustard chicken are a no no.
• no sour cream or mayonnaise - would simply refuse something like beef stroganoff
• no chunky vegetable dishes, no salads
• refuses to eat meals with pie or pastries
• won't eat fish
• no stews or soups - hates stews and soups are 'not a meal' apparently
• jacket potatoes will only eat with beans and must have meat on the side
• hates egg dishes so meals like quiche or omelette are out of the question

None of these preferences are allergy related.

We eat the same meals on repeat every week - some pasta variation, some curry variation, some meat and veg variation and I'm at my wits end, It's been 10 years and I'm bored of the same food. I'm craving something different but every time he will say - does it have XYZ in it? why is the veg all chunky? you know I don't like this sort of thing and so on. If he had it his way, we would BBQ meat every night and eat it with the same veg and some form of side dish.

I am a mum and work full-time, I am responsible for most of the housework and all the cooking. I really do not want to be cooking two separate meals everyday, I don't have the time or the energy for that.

I thought about asking him to cook his own meal but then I have the issue of our kids seeing us eating two different things and say well if daddy can have something different why can't I! Which will stress me out even more, I want them to eat a variety of food and not become so regimented like their father.

I really don't know what to do, I've spoken to him about it many times and he said 'I like what I like'... my reply was 'well what about what I like?' he told me I can always cook myself something different. Any advice appreciated, thank you.

UPDATE FROM OP ADDED BY MNHQ: Thank you for all the replies and for all the advice on food. The situation has escalated and I'll add updates on my relationship when possible for those interested in following along with me

Great update- sending love xxx

Are you feeling better than you did on the day you first posted about his fussy eating habits? Little did you know then what was to come so I'm hoping that you feel that you're in a better place and that the girls are dealing with this new normal. You've been completely amazing. Be proud. Onwards and upwards!

So glad you're doing OK Jessa been keeping this thread open to cheer you through the wifi ❤️

As far as I know from what the inlaws told me, yes they are living together and I’ve told them at this stage I don’t want to know anymore than that. He hasn’t been in touch at all about the girls, that’s whats broken my heart the most. They deserve so much better from their father but are receiving so much love. His parents are mortified at his continued behaviour but I believe their pleas have fallen on deaf ears x

A million times better, life seems so much easier now without him dragging me down. Some days get very tough but not because I’m missing him, just sheer stress levels from all that was uncovered. If anyone is reading these threads and in a similar situation, just do it, get rid of the person that is dragging you down. It hurts but I feel so free x

I can't believe hasn't been in touch about his girls, how absolutely devastating for you and them.

Congratulations on everything you've accomplished.

My head can’t even comprehend it, I’d be in pieces if I couldn’t see them.
They’ve stopped asking when he’s going to call, it’s like he no longer exists.

At least there is no concerns about him trying to go for 50:50 custody to reduce child support payments!

Devastating for your girls though. But kids are resilient. Maybe get them therapy in time. Even if they aren’t showing it, speaking from experience having an absent parent does have an affect. Especially as you get older.

Yes I think the only concern on that front will be getting him to pay what the girls are entitiled too.

Therapy is definitely something I’m considering for them if necessary. Having lost my own father when I was 11, I’m very pro-therapy.

We should get this thread moved to classics for all the many women who feel they are stuck with arseholes.

im so happy for you op x

Our bin day is early Friday morning. I love the feeling that the rubbish has gone.... I imagine that OP must feel that x100. The complications of life go on, but the garbage is gone!

Well done Jessa. I’ve been following you from the beginning and wish you and your girls the very best outcome. As the daughter of a father who was a serial womaniser I can say I grew up with a certain scepticism about men’s fidelity which stood me in good stead for making decisions later on. I remember my father telling my older sister “I need sex every day and if your mother won’t give it to me I’ll find it elsewhere”. At the time I didn’t really understand but I have never forgotten

Well done Jessa, and glad to hear you are feeling a sense of freedom, even though you are going through one of the hardest events of life. Im sure its also easier to deal with because you were prepared and took control of the split, it might have been much worse emotionally if he had just blindsided you with it as he planned.

He will some day regret his choices that he did not prioritize and support his daughters at this time - and its sad and regrettable that he isn't enough of an adult or a man to do this. But they have you - looking out for their welfare and interests, putting them first and helping them deal with their emotions. And of course the good people you surround them with (your grandfather, other relatives? even his parents if they step up and continue the relationship positively)
Sending you all the best possible wishes for mothers day and the future.

Happy Mothers Day @Jessa85 - you should be very proud - for how you’ve taken control of your girls’ future and been the best mother to them. I hope you have a lovely relaxed day with your family.

Happy Mothers Day@Jessa85- sending you and your girls 🌺 for today and every day. I am glad his parents are appalled- I would be if one of mine did that to his wife and children!

HMD @Jessa85 💗💐🪷💐💗

Happy mothers day!
I'm glad your feeling more like yourself also to say well done on keeping the relationship with your inlaws going but with clear boundaries in place that's tough on you. But it shows just how much you put your girls first to make sure that grandparent bond is still there for them.

As long as he's not self employed your girls will get what they deserve as you can go through CMS OK they will dock a bit but it will come straight off his payslip without an ounce he can do about it as my understanding of the Dubai job is short term secondment/move and therefore continued employment not a new contract for Dubai

Happy Mother’s Day @Jessa85 ❤️

Thank you for all the lovely messages ❤

All my bills came out last week/today, he didn’t send a penny to contribute. So glad I took my half of the savings or I’d be in a bit of a pickle. I noticed that he also sent no money to the girls savings accounts either, which we previously did on a a monthly basis. This man continues to fail his children on a daily basis, he makes me so bloody angry I could cry.

Oh Jessa. I'm so sorry he's been such a fucking waste of space and shit father. You have a small army of women here rooting for you and you are doing AMAZINGLY well. Any judge will hopefully see what a total deadbeat he is and rule accordingly. Is there any movement on that front? Don't feel you need to keep updating us if you don't want to but know that we are all here cheering you on xx

He’s doing this to punish you for having the self respect to leave him. However it’s a bit short sighted of him as it will not look good for the divorce. I really hope he gets what he deserves.

He's furious @Jessa85 that you've been very clever and given him no way to save face, he's ignoring the DC because he knows that will hurt you. Sadly that's the man he is, that's his revenge, whether it hurts your DC too doesn't matter to him

I would say he is being highly predictable about not paying his share of the bills. The gloves are now off as far as he is concerned.

Have you applied for child maintenance and registered for single persons council tax?

Oh jess what a prize prick he is, but hay not surprised he pulled this one, one step ahead of him, really letting himself down isn't he,
Keep note of this he still should be supporting his girls and keeping a roof over there heads, you stay strong 💪
He has no moral compass, has he forgotten ' he was planning his great escape ' you just got there before him ,