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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husbands food preferences driving me crazy!

787 replies

Jessa85 · 27/02/2025 09:31

Sorry this got long! I'm struggling with my husband and the family meals I make.

He is incredibly fussy or particular... I don't know the best way to describe it so I'll list out what he won't eat -

  • no creamy dishes - things like 'marry me' chicken or honey mustard chicken are a no no.
  • no sour cream or mayonnaise - would simply refuse something like beef stroganoff
  • no chunky vegetable dishes, no salads
  • refuses to eat meals with pie or pastries
  • won't eat fish
  • no stews or soups - hates stews and soups are 'not a meal' apparently
  • jacket potatoes will only eat with beans and must have meat on the side
  • hates egg dishes so meals like quiche or omelette are out of the question

None of these preferences are allergy related.

We eat the same meals on repeat every week - some pasta variation, some curry variation, some meat and veg variation and I'm at my wits end, It's been 10 years and I'm bored of the same food. I'm craving something different but every time he will say - does it have XYZ in it? why is the veg all chunky? you know I don't like this sort of thing and so on. If he had it his way, we would BBQ meat every night and eat it with the same veg and some form of side dish.

I am a mum and work full-time, I am responsible for most of the housework and all the cooking. I really do not want to be cooking two separate meals everyday, I don't have the time or the energy for that.

I thought about asking him to cook his own meal but then I have the issue of our kids seeing us eating two different things and say well if daddy can have something different why can't I! Which will stress me out even more, I want them to eat a variety of food and not become so regimented like their father.

I really don't know what to do, I've spoken to him about it many times and he said 'I like what I like'... my reply was 'well what about what I like?' he told me I can always cook myself something different. Any advice appreciated, thank you.

UPDATE FROM OP ADDED BY MNHQ: Thank you for all the replies and for all the advice on food. The situation has escalated and I'll add updates on my relationship when possible for those interested in following along with me

OP posts:
Lilactimes · 19/03/2025 09:33

Hope you’re ok @Jessa85 - been thinking of you xx

Original poster
Jessa85 · 19/03/2025 10:40

Hi, had a tough day yesterday because he received the divorce papers and proceeded to break no contact with some nasty messages which he later deleted... of course I've got it all saved. For someone so business minded he really has no common sense on what those messages and this whole situation in general could do for his 'image'. I've blocked him now on everything except for the email I set up so he can arrange contact/time with the girls, but he still hasn't bothered even asking how they are. I told him anything other than contact re the girls goes through his/my solicitor.

I'm OK though and the girls are doing so well. They're excited for the 'new' car (its new to me 😂), which has passed it's MOT, is now sparkling and ready for me to pickup tomorrow, yay!

So that's where I'm at right now, this will be my last update for a while and when I'm ready I'll start a new thread to say hi.

OP posts:
ThePinkOtter · 19/03/2025 10:49

Well done Jessa, your girls are very lucky to have you. He is certainly showing his true colours now, isn’t he!

It’s only onwards and upwards from here, someday - believe it or not - you will be glad that you’re no longer saddled with his dead weight.

Wishing you and your girls the very best, and looking forward to reading any of your updates in the future. We are all behind you and here if you need us ❤️

LurkyMcLurkinson · 19/03/2025 10:52

He’s his own worst enemy at this point and only doing you favours in being abusive, showing no interest in the children and allowing you to get evidence of his inappropriate behaviour. It speaks volumes that it would have been ok for him to leave you for the ow but it’s not ok for you to seek a divorce. He clearly loves the control so it gives me great pleasure to see you taking charge and handling this amazingly well. Love to you and the girls. Take care.

glittereyelash · 19/03/2025 11:58

I just want to say I've been following this thread and I'm cheering you on all the way. This is the start of a wonderful new life for you and your girls. Take care and best wishes going forward.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 19/03/2025 12:33

@Jessa85 go you! 💓

Ongoingschoolissues · 19/03/2025 13:08

@Jessa85 wishing you all the best! I'll keep you in my thoughts ❤️

Lifecircle · 19/03/2025 16:09

You are a success story (if that is the correct term) already. Well done 👍

Secondstart1001 · 19/03/2025 16:16

Well done, take some time to pamper and make yourself feel good again! It will make you feel better in the inside if you feel happy with yourself. I hope now you have the money to do this or eventually you will, I wish you all the best, I am glad girls are ok too.

Crikeyalmighty · 19/03/2025 16:22

Good luck OP -way to go -

Scottishskifun · 19/03/2025 16:42

ThePinkOtter · 19/03/2025 10:49

Well done Jessa, your girls are very lucky to have you. He is certainly showing his true colours now, isn’t he!

It’s only onwards and upwards from here, someday - believe it or not - you will be glad that you’re no longer saddled with his dead weight.

Wishing you and your girls the very best, and looking forward to reading any of your updates in the future. We are all behind you and here if you need us ❤️

This with bells on!

Your going to have tough days and on those days you need to remind yourself of his actions.
Well done on remaining collected to add to evidence log.

Wishing you all the best for the future and don't forget about half the pension pot too!

Lilactimes · 19/03/2025 19:26

Jessa85 · 19/03/2025 10:40

Hi, had a tough day yesterday because he received the divorce papers and proceeded to break no contact with some nasty messages which he later deleted... of course I've got it all saved. For someone so business minded he really has no common sense on what those messages and this whole situation in general could do for his 'image'. I've blocked him now on everything except for the email I set up so he can arrange contact/time with the girls, but he still hasn't bothered even asking how they are. I told him anything other than contact re the girls goes through his/my solicitor.

I'm OK though and the girls are doing so well. They're excited for the 'new' car (its new to me 😂), which has passed it's MOT, is now sparkling and ready for me to pickup tomorrow, yay!

So that's where I'm at right now, this will be my last update for a while and when I'm ready I'll start a new thread to say hi.

Ok - understood - good luck xxx

JugglingMuggle · 20/03/2025 01:21

Jessa85 · 19/03/2025 10:40

Hi, had a tough day yesterday because he received the divorce papers and proceeded to break no contact with some nasty messages which he later deleted... of course I've got it all saved. For someone so business minded he really has no common sense on what those messages and this whole situation in general could do for his 'image'. I've blocked him now on everything except for the email I set up so he can arrange contact/time with the girls, but he still hasn't bothered even asking how they are. I told him anything other than contact re the girls goes through his/my solicitor.

I'm OK though and the girls are doing so well. They're excited for the 'new' car (its new to me 😂), which has passed it's MOT, is now sparkling and ready for me to pickup tomorrow, yay!

So that's where I'm at right now, this will be my last update for a while and when I'm ready I'll start a new thread to say hi.

We’re with you. I’ve been there before. I know how hard it is, but you’re smashing this! Huge hugs xxx

Motheringlikeapelican · 20/03/2025 05:24

Thinking of you Jessa - its tough, it will be hard with lots of ups and downs but you are amazing and strong, and will make such a good life for yourself and your DDs. Best of luck

NotbloodyGivingupYet · 20/03/2025 09:29

Look how far you've come!
I'm so sorry it was necessary, but you've risen to the challenge and shown everyone just how strong you are.
Look forward to the update, whenever you're ready.

lizzielizard · 20/03/2025 10:07

Jessa - had to comment to say that I am completely in awe of your strength. You have done so amazingly well in such a short time. Hold your head up high and go on to live your best life for you and your girls. I will look out for your posts in the future. Onwards and upwards! xx

spinningisthebest · 20/03/2025 19:26

@Jessa85you are amazing! Good luck!

Notmyrealname22 · 22/03/2025 23:09

INeedAnotherName · 27/02/2025 12:39

If it's any help I was in your same mindset, only instead of working and earning my own money, I was/am disabled due to health conditions. It's since come out, via multiple independant nhs consultants, that my conditions are possibly caused by, but certainly exacerbated by, stress and abuse. Emotional and financial abuse. Be aware that if you stay your physical as well as your mental health could explode. And then what? You would be even more trapped.

Now, after 45 years of marriage, rapidly approaching pension age (with no state pension as he refused to pay my stamps), housebound due to ill health, I finally told him that I could not live another 20 years with his lazy, dirty, selfish ways. He's gone, and we are in the process of selling the house. Despite being very poor and physically struggling I am finally in charge of me, and I am loving the freedom and the peace.

Don't settle Flowers

Show quote history

@INeedAnotherName , you have until 5th April to fill up stamps dating back to 2006 I think. This definitely applies to people working abroad, and possibly to people not working abroad. I would strongly urge you to look at this as a matter of urgency. There is a form to fill on the HMRC. For people abroad it’s CF83. I don’t know what it is for people not abroad. If you fill out the form and start the process before 5th April, you get a longer deadline to actually pay the contributions. This could be a good way to deploy the money from your house sale.

please, please look into this to see if there is a way for you to get the pension. If you were married for 45 years, you must be close to pension age, so this could really help you.

ChompandaGrazia · 23/03/2025 09:35

Good luck op. It’s so hard but we are all cheering you on.

Lilactimes · 26/03/2025 06:24

Jessa85 · 27/02/2025 09:31

Sorry this got long! I'm struggling with my husband and the family meals I make.

He is incredibly fussy or particular... I don't know the best way to describe it so I'll list out what he won't eat -

  • no creamy dishes - things like 'marry me' chicken or honey mustard chicken are a no no.
  • no sour cream or mayonnaise - would simply refuse something like beef stroganoff
  • no chunky vegetable dishes, no salads
  • refuses to eat meals with pie or pastries
  • won't eat fish
  • no stews or soups - hates stews and soups are 'not a meal' apparently
  • jacket potatoes will only eat with beans and must have meat on the side
  • hates egg dishes so meals like quiche or omelette are out of the question

None of these preferences are allergy related.

We eat the same meals on repeat every week - some pasta variation, some curry variation, some meat and veg variation and I'm at my wits end, It's been 10 years and I'm bored of the same food. I'm craving something different but every time he will say - does it have XYZ in it? why is the veg all chunky? you know I don't like this sort of thing and so on. If he had it his way, we would BBQ meat every night and eat it with the same veg and some form of side dish.

I am a mum and work full-time, I am responsible for most of the housework and all the cooking. I really do not want to be cooking two separate meals everyday, I don't have the time or the energy for that.

I thought about asking him to cook his own meal but then I have the issue of our kids seeing us eating two different things and say well if daddy can have something different why can't I! Which will stress me out even more, I want them to eat a variety of food and not become so regimented like their father.

I really don't know what to do, I've spoken to him about it many times and he said 'I like what I like'... my reply was 'well what about what I like?' he told me I can always cook myself something different. Any advice appreciated, thank you.

UPDATE FROM OP ADDED BY MNHQ: Thank you for all the replies and for all the advice on food. The situation has escalated and I'll add updates on my relationship when possible for those interested in following along with me

Hi @Jessa85 just today you’re in my thoughts today and I hope you’re ok. You’ve been so amazing, you’re bound to have difficult days or wobbles. Keep the faith in yourself xx

Original poster
Jessa85 · 28/03/2025 12:05

Hi, thank you for checking in we are doing OK. Just plodding along really 😂 so glad I have all the evidence I have, it’s proving very useful!
On a side note I’ve gained a few pounds from all the delicious food we’re eating. So I’m happy with that unexpected bonus. I feel pretty content with life actually (aside from the divorce stress). I poke my head onto the threads whenever I need a boost xx

OP posts:
OchreRaven · 28/03/2025 14:17

Good for you @Jessa85 it must feel like a weight is off your shoulders! You have dealt with this incredibly.

Is he still staying with the OW? Has he been in touch with your DC?

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 28/03/2025 14:20

So glad you are okay @Jessa85

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 28/03/2025 14:36

@Jessa85 so good to hear that! you keep going as you mean to go on and dont look back! your dc will know eventually what their father has done.

EnjoythemoneyJane · 28/03/2025 15:54

Good to hear from you @Jessa85 , glad you’re all doing ok