Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husbands food preferences driving me crazy!

787 replies

Jessa85 · 27/02/2025 09:31

Sorry this got long! I'm struggling with my husband and the family meals I make.

He is incredibly fussy or particular... I don't know the best way to describe it so I'll list out what he won't eat -

  • no creamy dishes - things like 'marry me' chicken or honey mustard chicken are a no no.
  • no sour cream or mayonnaise - would simply refuse something like beef stroganoff
  • no chunky vegetable dishes, no salads
  • refuses to eat meals with pie or pastries
  • won't eat fish
  • no stews or soups - hates stews and soups are 'not a meal' apparently
  • jacket potatoes will only eat with beans and must have meat on the side
  • hates egg dishes so meals like quiche or omelette are out of the question

None of these preferences are allergy related.

We eat the same meals on repeat every week - some pasta variation, some curry variation, some meat and veg variation and I'm at my wits end, It's been 10 years and I'm bored of the same food. I'm craving something different but every time he will say - does it have XYZ in it? why is the veg all chunky? you know I don't like this sort of thing and so on. If he had it his way, we would BBQ meat every night and eat it with the same veg and some form of side dish.

I am a mum and work full-time, I am responsible for most of the housework and all the cooking. I really do not want to be cooking two separate meals everyday, I don't have the time or the energy for that.

I thought about asking him to cook his own meal but then I have the issue of our kids seeing us eating two different things and say well if daddy can have something different why can't I! Which will stress me out even more, I want them to eat a variety of food and not become so regimented like their father.

I really don't know what to do, I've spoken to him about it many times and he said 'I like what I like'... my reply was 'well what about what I like?' he told me I can always cook myself something different. Any advice appreciated, thank you.

UPDATE FROM OP ADDED BY MNHQ: Thank you for all the replies and for all the advice on food. The situation has escalated and I'll add updates on my relationship when possible for those interested in following along with me

OP posts:
Original poster
Jessa85 · 14/03/2025 13:14

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 14/03/2025 12:39

I did wonder about you closing the 2 threads in case he or OW stumble across them and learn all your secrets.. you can always start a new ‘clean’ thread if you wanted to 😊

Show quote history

I think he knows MN exists as much as I knew Gransnet existed 😂but I will report to MN again to close this thread too.

OP posts:
TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 14/03/2025 13:19

Just wanted to say how brave you've been, I've read all your posts and am in awe of your strength under fire. Best of luck going forward, I hope your girls are doing ok, it must be so hard for them too, xx

Original poster
Jessa85 · 14/03/2025 13:36

Thank you so much x
I've requested again for the thread to be closed.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 14/03/2025 14:20

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

This is why I don't post on Gransnet (even though it's aimed at me)

Nanny0gg · 14/03/2025 14:21

CMTwb1941 · 13/03/2025 06:27

So why let yourselves get into these situations. Life is too short to tolerate men who behave badly . It often seems to me that women have learnt nothing and the women’s liberation movement has achieved very little . Attitudes are perpetuated from one generation to another .

It might help if you set a better example then

Gransnet is thataway>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Crikeyalmighty · 14/03/2025 15:03

Me too @Nanny0gg- far too many prepared to put up with little ‘foibles’ to preserve lifestyle as in ‘oh all men do this’ - that may be the case but doesn’t mean you can’t say bugger off for any reason whatsoever if it’s what you no longer want -

LivelyMintViper · 14/03/2025 19:13

Please do start a new thread. You are so inspirational your story will help so many.

RobW1 · 15/03/2025 20:05

These very precise food exclusions sound a bit autistic - does he have any other obsessional issues, cognitive rigidity, empathy deficits?

Lunde · 15/03/2025 23:41

RobW1 · 15/03/2025 20:05

These very precise food exclusions sound a bit autistic - does he have any other obsessional issues, cognitive rigidity, empathy deficits?

It's not about food.

Read all of OP's posts in this thread and thread #2. The husband has a long term OW and is preparing to decamp to the UAE with OW.

Secondstart1001 · 16/03/2025 06:43

CMTwb1941 · 13/03/2025 06:27

So why let yourselves get into these situations. Life is too short to tolerate men who behave badly . It often seems to me that women have learnt nothing and the women’s liberation movement has achieved very little . Attitudes are perpetuated from one generation to another .

Just please go away! Stop spoiling the vibe with your ignorance, coldness and inflammatory comments. I think I speak for the majority on this thread to say you are not welcome!!

Secondstart1001 · 16/03/2025 06:45

@Jessa85 i hop you are ok … i sure by now its getting harder to update girls when they ask for their dad. But I know you will be brilliant x

MikeRafone · 16/03/2025 08:19

I had a joint account with Lloyds
I also had 2 solo accounts

my joint account person went into the bank and was able to move £1000 from my solo account to my daughters account….

This was just before lockdown so we took his name off the joint account, complained but heard no more. My joint account person hadn’t done it deliberately, they were old and hadn’t realised it was my solo accounts

make sure you move that money to monzo every day

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 16/03/2025 15:28

@Jessa85 hope you and your girls are ok x

thepariscrimefiles · 17/03/2025 08:28

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

People like you with your judgemental and uninformed opinions are the reason that many older posters like myself steer very clear of Gransnet. In this case, you have missed a whole new 40 page thread where we learn that OP's DH is having an affair and planning to leave her for a new life in Dubai with his affair partner. Luckily OP has a lot of sensible and kind posters on here to support her.

Original poster
Jessa85 · 17/03/2025 09:20

@Secondstart1001 @PeggyMitchellsCameo
we're doing OK thank you, a few tears from my big girl over the weekend as she understands more than her sister. Kept ourselves busy, started looking for a car to call our own and will hopefully pick one up later this week. We've eaten lots of yummy food and mum is with us for a couple more days. That's all to update on really, I'm just waiting now for the divorce papers to land in his inbox xx

OP posts:
CautiousLurker01 · 17/03/2025 09:32

You’ve been a remarkable role model to your girls, and to women on the precipice here. I appreciate it is none of our business, but if you ever do feel like updating in the future there are many of us rooting for you. There was an amazing post last year I think, where a woman had gone through a dreadful experience not unlike yours and came back to update that she was living her best life and that her kids were flourishing. It was just a testament to the strength and dignity of women like you and a template for anyone following in your footsteps.

thepariscrimefiles · 17/03/2025 09:34

CautiousLurker01 · 17/03/2025 09:32

You’ve been a remarkable role model to your girls, and to women on the precipice here. I appreciate it is none of our business, but if you ever do feel like updating in the future there are many of us rooting for you. There was an amazing post last year I think, where a woman had gone through a dreadful experience not unlike yours and came back to update that she was living her best life and that her kids were flourishing. It was just a testament to the strength and dignity of women like you and a template for anyone following in your footsteps.

Was that the legendary 'Coatsprotectionleague'? Her update was totally amazing.

Lilactimes · 17/03/2025 10:21

Jessa85 · 17/03/2025 09:20

@Secondstart1001 @PeggyMitchellsCameo
we're doing OK thank you, a few tears from my big girl over the weekend as she understands more than her sister. Kept ourselves busy, started looking for a car to call our own and will hopefully pick one up later this week. We've eaten lots of yummy food and mum is with us for a couple more days. That's all to update on really, I'm just waiting now for the divorce papers to land in his inbox xx

Been thinking of you Jess - didn’t want to bombard the thread(s). I’m sorry your DD has been sad too - poor love. Understandable too that you feel flat. Glad your mum is with you and you’re eating lovely food.
Plan lots of nice things too and hopefully the papers will land asap…
you are amazing - honestly. It’s understandable that you will be up and down but pls do try and keep your mind on your eventual lovely life @Jessa85 ❤️

JugglingMuggle · 17/03/2025 10:29

I hope you’re okay. I understand how heartbreaking it is to see your girl upset. This is what happened when I told my kids too - my older child was very upset as he understood the ramifications more. If it’s any comfort, he quickly got used to the idea and we focussed on lots of positive things hitting his life in the near future. By a few months in from me telling him, he could barely remember being told and was okay. My younger child was much less upset, and at the time I worried she was storing it away. She wasn’t, though I learned from her that both children needed me to be really open with them about what the future looked like, even if what I was telling them was ‘I don’t yet know, but you will know as soon as I do, and we have each other to rely on’. My younger daughter’s main worries were around where she was going to live, so I could reassure her that we wouldn’t be leaving the town and that she would be just as close to all her friends, and at the same school. That’s the reassurance she needed. Stay strong. You’re amazing.

Original poster
Jessa85 · 17/03/2025 11:29

That is a bit of comfort thank you. My youngest has been very nonchalant about it and my eldest a little more switched on and realising her dad hasn't been in contact. I was honest with her but told her I think daddy just needs a little time to handle his own emotions and hopefully he'll be in touch. I've done lots of reassurance with their questions, similar to you in that school will be the same and that if we did need to move home we would be moving very close by.

OP posts:
flippinnorra · 17/03/2025 14:49

I’m sure you’re not surprised he hasn’t been in touch with the girls. It’s still really shit though isn’t it @Jessa85 ? It sounds like you’re handling this for for them with appropriate sensitivity; kids are not stupid, I do think a level of honesty is important, particularly if it looks like he’s going to be an awol Dad from now on. I hope you’re also getting support and when you’re ready, telling friends and will really help. 💜

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 17/03/2025 16:15

Jessa85 · 17/03/2025 11:29

That is a bit of comfort thank you. My youngest has been very nonchalant about it and my eldest a little more switched on and realising her dad hasn't been in contact. I was honest with her but told her I think daddy just needs a little time to handle his own emotions and hopefully he'll be in touch. I've done lots of reassurance with their questions, similar to you in that school will be the same and that if we did need to move home we would be moving very close by.

What an evil bastard. Sorry for your girls 😔 but at least they have an awesome mum. x

LivelyMintViper · 17/03/2025 19:55

Maybe ask the girls if anything is worrying them
Children often have odd and unexpected anxieties.

montelbano · 18/03/2025 01:55

Hope your mother can stay for a few more days after the divorce papers have been served. It would be wise to have a supportive adult in the house with you.

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 18/03/2025 07:49

When the time is right and you feel
more settled @Jessa85 feel free to start a new thread with an entirely different title. X