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Original poster

AIBU for expecting him to pay?

226 replies

fl00b · 26/02/2025 11:18

My partner moved in 6 weeks ago after our son was born. Since then he hasn't paid, or offered to pay for anything towards bills or rent. The past week I've had to send him over £100 too as he's had no money for petrol or food at work. I also pay for all his food at mine. He used to live with his mum and pay her board.

I've received my first wage slip from work with my maternity pay on and I can't live on such a low amount whilst supporting a house, 4 children and him. I'm also not entitled to any benefits because he lives with me and works.

I hinted to him that I might need him to start helping out by showing him my wage-slip, and his words were that I could explore going back to work for 2 days a week (my son is only 6 weeks old) then I think the penny dropped for him and he offered to give me some money. However deep down I feel awful for taking off him which I know I shouldn't, but I don't know how else I'm meant to survive.

OP posts:
Wittyapple · 26/02/2025 16:41

I thought this thread was going to be about a first date when I read the title.

He needs to contribute his half of everything if he is living there.

I'd throw this one back OP, you can do better on your own

BellissimoGecko · 26/02/2025 16:43

yeesh · 26/02/2025 11:23

You were utterly mad to allow him to move in without contributing. Kick him out, claim benefits to top up your wage & he can pay maintenance for the baby.

This.

Ffs.

And raise your standards in men.

aquashiv · 26/02/2025 16:50

Tell him tonight you'd like him to pay for everything for the next 6 weeks. If he balks then ask him to leave immediately he's a freeloader and will only get worse

puffyisgood · 26/02/2025 16:52

This is a very silly thread, in response to an exceptionally silly original post.

Navyontop · 26/02/2025 16:53

kick him out and claim CS, he’s useless.

Hankunamatata · 26/02/2025 16:54

You have 3 kids plus a newborn. Did you not think to have a convo about money before he moved in or when you got pregnant?

Zimunya · 26/02/2025 16:56

Bansheed · 26/02/2025 11:20

What am I reading? Throw him out AND ask him for money for the baby

First response nails it!

Bumblebeestiltskin · 26/02/2025 16:57

Is this a joke?

Answeringaquestiontonight · 26/02/2025 17:08

He’s moved in, made no financial contribution and let you provide for him, but he’s still having to borrow money? What has he spent it on?

He should be contributing to the bills or he should move out and you should get child maintenance.

Isometimeswonder · 26/02/2025 17:16

yeesh · 26/02/2025 11:23

You were utterly mad to allow him to move in without contributing. Kick him out, claim benefits to top up your wage & he can pay maintenance for the baby.

Why the fuck should we pay for her to have kids with a feckless lower?
He can support her and his child.
Ffs

UnicornBubble · 26/02/2025 17:20

Do not feel bad asking him for money.
If he is living with you, he contributes fairly to rent and bills.
He contributes to food etc
He contributes towards anything your child needs.

The only thing it wouldn’t be reasonable to ask him to pay for is your other children, if he is not their father.

It’s not your responsibility to pay for his upkeep! He is not a child and you are not his mother.

Stay Strong! xx

UnicornBubble · 26/02/2025 17:23

Iamallowedtodisagreewithyou · 26/02/2025 11:25

you've got 3 kids and no money and you decided to have another one?

Money only goes so far - stop diluting it up among children, the ones you DO have will have a better life the less there are.

She has a job. She only has less money now because she is on maternity. Yet she has a partner/baby’s father living with her, so he should be making up for the lost income.

Nice, wild an unsolicited assumption there!

Praying4Peace · 26/02/2025 17:25

If you have a child together and are living together, household costs need to be shared

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 26/02/2025 17:27

So you’ve moved him in and he literally brings nothing to the table. He needs to contribute to the household and to his childs’ expenses because if he wasn’t there you would be able to claim top up benefits for your low wage. If he refuses kick him out and claim CMS. Sounds as though this would be a better option in the long run because he hasn’t a clue has he ?

Cherrysoup · 26/02/2025 17:29

Tell him how much his council tax/rent/bills are. Is it honestly financially worth having him there, given you’ve lost money by letting him move in?!

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 26/02/2025 17:31

Isometimeswonder · 26/02/2025 17:16

Why the fuck should we pay for her to have kids with a feckless lower?
He can support her and his child.
Ffs

Show quote history

We (I assume you mean the taxpayer), are not. She’s on a low wage. He’s not contributing anything and his presence is stopping her from claiming the top up benefits to a low wage, to which she’s entitled. She can’t force him to pay up but she can kick him out, claim what she’s entitled to and hit him for CMS.

Thisshirtisonfire · 26/02/2025 17:33

Wtf? You are being an absolute doormat.
He should be paying half of all household bills (unless you have adult children living there and then obviously you break it down per adult person) and all spending related to children which are his (such as nappies, formula, clothing etc)
He should also be contributing to the rent or mortgage as per percentage of his wages.
You are letting him take the piss completely.

monkeysox · 26/02/2025 17:36

fl00b · 26/02/2025 11:18

My partner moved in 6 weeks ago after our son was born. Since then he hasn't paid, or offered to pay for anything towards bills or rent. The past week I've had to send him over £100 too as he's had no money for petrol or food at work. I also pay for all his food at mine. He used to live with his mum and pay her board.

I've received my first wage slip from work with my maternity pay on and I can't live on such a low amount whilst supporting a house, 4 children and him. I'm also not entitled to any benefits because he lives with me and works.

I hinted to him that I might need him to start helping out by showing him my wage-slip, and his words were that I could explore going back to work for 2 days a week (my son is only 6 weeks old) then I think the penny dropped for him and he offered to give me some money. However deep down I feel awful for taking off him which I know I shouldn't, but I don't know how else I'm meant to survive.

Stop being a mug. He's ripping the piss.

howshouldibehave · 26/02/2025 17:36

I hinted to him

Come on! You are happy to share bodily fluids with this man, so surely you can have a conversation with him!

Did you really invite him to live with you without having any discussion about finances?! He was paying his mummy board, but thinks his girlfriend should fund him and their baby from her maternity leave whisky he keeps all his pocket money for himself??

Really?!

BettyBardMacDonald · 26/02/2025 17:42

MiddleAgedDread · 26/02/2025 12:40

why the hell did you not have this discussion and work out shared finances before he moved in?? If you have kids that aren't his then I don't think it's far that he pays 50% of all bills as you'll be paying for food and probably rent for a larger house than you'd need if it was just the 3 of you but surely doesn't expect to live there and not pay a penny??

Why not have this discussion before having a child by him! With three already to support? We don't have to bear the offspring of every single man we meet!

Someonelookedatmypostinghistorysoichanged · 26/02/2025 17:45

Why TF didn’t you work out the finances before starting a life/baby with him.
I mean he is taking the piss but you.. you really ought to know better… you have 3 kids already.
Sit down with him and work out how much he is going to pay towards the home. Three strikes and he’s out.

Queenofparcels · 26/02/2025 17:47

Bumblebeestiltskin · 26/02/2025 16:57

Is this a joke?

I wondered that !

scotstars · 26/02/2025 18:04

In what world should he not be contributing at least 50% to bills inc his food and rent? YABU not to have discussed this beforehand when you had a wage to support 3 kids you are now expected to cover everything for 4 kids and 2 adults on maternity pay that is never going to work.
Discuss with him today - don't hint if you are grown up enough to have 4 kids you really need to be able to have these conversations. If he says no get him moved back out before you and your kids lose out financially.

YourWildAmberSloth · 26/02/2025 18:05

Why are you giving him money? You have moved this idiot into your home, and are financially worst off as a result, which means that your other children will be suffering. He isn't responsible for paying for your other children, but he should be paying for himself and towards your baby.

Mnetcurious · 26/02/2025 18:07

WTF!
He’s costing you money in two ways - 1. the extra expense (energy use, food, loo roll etc) of him living there and 2. you can’t claim benefits because he lives there.
At the very least he needs to compensate you for both of the above (eg if he costs you £300 per month in food and energy, plus you’re losing out on £500 benefits then he pays £800). This is the absolute bare minimum because he actually should be paying half of all household bills.

More worrying though is how on earth he thinks it’s acceptable for you, a woman who’s just had a baby and on maternity leave (presumably his baby?), to fund his accommodation. This is not a ‘partner’. He needs to start making significant contributions or go back to his mum’s until he can grow up and take some responsibility.