My husband is a 'Mean Girl'

[eyesrollingmama]

I've been married for 5 years this year and we have just had our second baby (8 weeks postpartum).
My husband is what i like to call a 'mean girl'. Like, he will pick out your flaws in a banter like manner and will make it funny. He talks like this to everyone and will say he is just saying the truth even if it can be harsh.
A bit of context, he is a female hairdresser so he is used to engaging in that bitchy type conversation (not that i ever do it, nor know any girls who do lol). He has a lot of friends who tell him he's a 'b*tch' but they all encourage him also. He is a very confident and cocky guy also.
So, this is the norm for him, but, as you can imagine it does start to get to you. He will constantly mention my appearing double chin or my squiggy tummy or criticise the way i find a safe place to park (which is bloody hard these days with all the different parking regs everywhere!). He will say i sit down all day (i'm breastfeeding!) he rarely says i look pretty, he will constantly say things like "when you loose weight...", "when you start taking care of yourself...".
Most of the time i ignore him, sometimes i poke fun back but other time it does really hurt and I go away and have a little cry.
Take this morning for example, in the car to drop off my son to nursery and then my husband to the train station. In the short space of 5 mins all i heard was comments about my appearance, my driving, then not stopping on a yellow line so he can run to the nursery quick. I snapped. I shouted for him to get our sons coat. Since then he has called me an animal for raising my voice and has given me the silent treatment.
He doesn't understand how his words affect me, no matter how i try to explain it. He doesn't understand that i get incredibly overwhelmed sometimes and he criticises my snappyness.
Am i overacting here? Is this daily criticising normal in a marriage? Do I allow it because it his character?
Help me please, need some advice :)

That is not normal or acceptable in any relationship. As he always been like that with you? Sounds like a really tough time foe you

Nope. Text him. No emotion in that. Lay it out in facts. Stay in the I. I feel hurt when you do / say x y z . I don’t find it funny when you say a b c .

He’s just mean, I’d lose the girl but as it’s not fun.

Yeah, he’s not a ‘mean girl’ - he’s just a horrible cruel bully.

Imagine him saying this stuff to your child. Is this what you want for them?

Oh he understands and knows exactly which buttons to push. He's an abusive person. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this.

He's not a mean girl - he's a vile toxic misogynist bully. Why on EARTH are you with him?

What a nasty, tedious man. Abusive, in fact. You don't want your children learning that it's ok to criticise someone's appearance constantly. Or even to talk about appearances constantly good or bad. Does he ever talk about anything that really sparks your intellect?

I’d give him the benefit of the doubt. Sit him down and say, “your teasing and mean girl behaviour is draining and abusive. Stop it, or we’re getting divorced.”
People can change, he might be able to reprogram himself, he might well not be bothered or unable to.

What a nasty piece of work he sounds OP.

He sounds just generally horrible. If that’s his “work persona” then whatever (it wouldn’t be for me in a hairdresser but if others come back it’s their choice I guess…) but he needs to treat his wife better… if he wants to stay married. I can’t believe the audacity that he can be a total dick to you then gets upset that you shouted. Honestly, this is meant to be the person that bigs you up not tears you down 😢.

That sounds really bad. Being constantly undermined will not be good for you. You need to explain to him the effect it has, and pull him up every time he criticises you.

I'm confused, is this what he's always been like since you met him, in which case YABU to expect him to change... and YWBU to marry him in the first place if you don't like his character.

He sounds awful.
You don’t need to put up with this. He will absolutely destroy your self worth if he hasn’t already. If you have asked him to stop and he hasn’t then your choice is simple. Stay and let your kids see a man abuse his wife as they grow up, or leave and never have to put up with it again.

Start thinking about how life without this abuse would look and feel. Start looking into what you would need to leave him. Speak to a solicitor about what you could expect in terms of divorce settlements. Don’t get pregnant to him while you are working all this through.

You deserve to be cherished by the man whose children you have brought into the world.

A mean girl is in middle school. You just got a vile bully at home. Nothing cute or redeeming about it. Wait until he shatters your DC's confidence by picking on him. He's already well in to you by telling you not so subtly that you're overweight (after having the vile twat's baby!).

He's probably insecure to feel the need to bully others but he should see a therapist instead of letting his demons loose. I would give him a chance to deal with his problems and if he refuses I would LTB. To protect myself AND my children.

Why don’t you try being him - say the sort of things to him that he says to you and keep it up like he does. If he gets angry say “horrible isn’t it, not what anyone wants to hear so you need to stop doing this to me or our relationship is over”

These sorts of men are tedious to be around. It sounds like it's ground you down.

Tell him that you're starting to think he's just being a cunt to you on purpose and if he doesn't stop with the criticisms you'll be triggering the separation chat.

Do not apologise to him. The silent treatment is listed as domestic violence. Let him stew.

He's not a 'mean girl' he's an arsehole. You know you don't have to stay married to someone who treats you so badly right?

Calling him a mean girl is you underplaying this, let's call him your abuser instead because that is indeed more accurate. His silent treatment towards you now is yet another example of emotional abuse.

Your relationship to him to all intents and purposes is over now because of the abuse he metes out to you and in turn your children who pick up on all this from him as well. The only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is none.

How can you be helped into leaving your abuser?. He knows what he is doing here and he does not give a fig about you or his children for that matter.

What you’re describing is emotional abuse. I’d take a look at this wheel and consider if he is abusing you in other ways. I’d also recommend telling your friends what he has been saying, as I’m sure they’ll give you some perspective and lots of support.

Stop minimising his behaviour with a sexist phrase.

He's emotionally abusive and you should plan to leave.

Why are you stereotyping women and why did you marry such a colossal cunt?

Is this a side of him you’ve always seen? Has he always been like this towards you?

Your husband is not a "mean girl"
He's a nasty, spiteful, cruel twat.

He sounds like an utter twat tbh. I wouldn't put up with a man like that and you don't have to either.

OP I’m sorry he sounds awful. Agree you need to spell it out and tell him to change or your split. Imagine if he speaks to your child like that one day? You deserve better