Page 8 | If you had to pick between having a child or having a partner?

brunettemic · 27/02/2025 09:05

I have 2 DC and assuming this is entirely hypothetical and I’m essentially going back in time I’d chose a partner.

AreWeThereYet69 · 27/02/2025 10:13

Child. Greatest love of all 🥰

Bigearringsbigsmile · 27/02/2025 10:20

TheCastleDoesNotReply · 26/02/2025 23:37

How arrogant.

The best laid plans....

Few people actively decide to become single parents. The vast majority of people, just like you, think they have a solid "life partner" before they do so.

Life often has other plans, as they say.

Unless you think all of the women who post here regularly about husbands they loved and trusted abandoning them are somehow intellectually inferior to you and deluded, then it seems unwise to tempt fate with such comments.

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🙄

What a reach!!

You've misunderstood me completely.

I would never have had a baby single. Never planned to be a single mother, never used a sperm donor, never had a baby from a one night stand etc.

For me, a baby should be a product of a loving relationship .

Holidayfitness · 28/02/2025 00:27

If I didn't have a partner I wouldn't have had kids. For me the two go hand in hand, we are a family so partner vs kids would never be a choice. Appreciate everyone has different views.

Nonstopnoise · 28/02/2025 05:32

TheCastleDoesNotReply · 26/02/2025 23:58

So many responses seem to be based on "what do I get out of it?" rather than "what is a deep and meaningful human experience that cannot be experienced in any other relationship you could have with any of the other 7+ billion people on Earth?"

There is no romantic relationship which is comparable in any way to the unconditional love of a child.

There are literally millions of people on Earth that every single person would be compatible with as a romantic partner. Does anybody genuinely think that if they hadn't met the particular person who is their romantic partner there is nobody else in the entire world whom they could have had a happy relationship with instead? It's quite obviously not the case.

Children are not replaceable or interchangeable in the same way. I find the whole idea that anybody could think a romantic relationship is more important than children really baffling so this thread has been quite eye-opening in terms of how such people think and why they behave as they do. Not that I'll ever really understand it! But thank you, OP, for starting it as it has given some insight into the minds of women who pick men over children.

Does anybody genuinely think that if they hadn't met the particular person who is their romantic partner there is nobody else in the entire world whom they could have had a happy relationship with instead? It's quite obviously not the case. I believe there is no other person in the world who could make me as happy as dh. He completes me - there is no instead, there is only him. I get that you don’t believe that’s the case, but you have not felt what I feel and vice versa.

BettyBardMacDonald · 28/02/2025 09:05

Holidayfitness · 28/02/2025 00:27

If I didn't have a partner I wouldn't have had kids. For me the two go hand in hand, we are a family so partner vs kids would never be a choice. Appreciate everyone has different views.

It's too bad more people don't share your view; society would be far better off.

jsku · 28/02/2025 15:26

BettyBardMacDonald · 28/02/2025 09:05

It's too bad more people don't share your view; society would be far better off.

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How so?

World was like that for millennia - women only had kids in marriages (at least supposed to, life got in the way)

How does that make society better???

Supersimkin7 · 28/02/2025 15:29

🐈‍⬛

Treeinthesky · 28/02/2025 20:09

Recently single. One 10 year old who is lovely and has adhd.

15 year old dd who screams shouts expects me to wait on her hand and foot and is truly nasty and vindictive and blames me for everything.

Had a husband who was lovely for years then became an alcoholic and didn't cope with stress from kids

Had a bf for 2.5 years who kept trying to parent and my 15 year old kicks on refusing to change her ways and be evil to said bf for saying maybe bring your plates down.

I'd never change my kids or put a man first. But in all honesty relationships are better without kids. But women generally want kids so you want what you don't have and then have them and your relationship goes shit so there isn't an answer to your question really.

Eyerollexpert · 28/02/2025 21:13

Child every time

InTheBalmyMidwinter · 08/03/2025 16:08

Partner because I've never wanted children, so I suppose this is easy to answer.

InTheBalmyMidwinter · 08/03/2025 16:19

Can I just add to this question of partner v child? So for those of you who pick 'child', that child then grows up to have the same dilemma. They either pick partner or they pick child but it doesn't seem like they ever pick you - mother/parent even though you picked them? Do you get the short straw?

Also, isn't the natural order of things for children to grow up and move on to forge their own lives and families, leaving the older generation with their romantic partners (hopefully) so the parents now get to live their lives together and do what they want because they've finished child-rearing?

Just asking. I can see how you'd pick 'child' if the child is a baby, but if s/he is 25 years old, not so much?

No33 · 08/03/2025 16:34

InTheBalmyMidwinter · 08/03/2025 16:19

Can I just add to this question of partner v child? So for those of you who pick 'child', that child then grows up to have the same dilemma. They either pick partner or they pick child but it doesn't seem like they ever pick you - mother/parent even though you picked them? Do you get the short straw?

Also, isn't the natural order of things for children to grow up and move on to forge their own lives and families, leaving the older generation with their romantic partners (hopefully) so the parents now get to live their lives together and do what they want because they've finished child-rearing?

Just asking. I can see how you'd pick 'child' if the child is a baby, but if s/he is 25 years old, not so much?

That's when I pick cats 😄

Orangesinthebag · 08/03/2025 16:35

InTheBalmyMidwinter · 08/03/2025 16:19

Can I just add to this question of partner v child? So for those of you who pick 'child', that child then grows up to have the same dilemma. They either pick partner or they pick child but it doesn't seem like they ever pick you - mother/parent even though you picked them? Do you get the short straw?

Also, isn't the natural order of things for children to grow up and move on to forge their own lives and families, leaving the older generation with their romantic partners (hopefully) so the parents now get to live their lives together and do what they want because they've finished child-rearing?

Just asking. I can see how you'd pick 'child' if the child is a baby, but if s/he is 25 years old, not so much?

I don't need my child to "pick me" as her mum!
I have loved every minute of being a parent and now my children are older and are about to fly the nest completely I am happy for them and hope they fly as high as they can and enjoy their lives as much as they can. They don't owe me, it was my choice to have them and it has been a pleasure and a privilege to raise them.

I would pick a child over a partner because the partner I chose and thought would always be there for me turned out to be a liar and a cheat so I suppose my view is skewed. I
However, I am hopeful that my children will always want me in their lives even if they end up living far away which is very possible.

rommymummy · 08/03/2025 16:39

Partner.

I have kids, but we had infertility for a few years so I did really consider life without kids.

He would pick me too, we enjoy raising our kids but we also look forward to life together when the kids are grown

InTheBalmyMidwinter · 08/03/2025 16:59

Orangesinthebag · 08/03/2025 16:35

I don't need my child to "pick me" as her mum!
I have loved every minute of being a parent and now my children are older and are about to fly the nest completely I am happy for them and hope they fly as high as they can and enjoy their lives as much as they can. They don't owe me, it was my choice to have them and it has been a pleasure and a privilege to raise them.

I would pick a child over a partner because the partner I chose and thought would always be there for me turned out to be a liar and a cheat so I suppose my view is skewed. I
However, I am hopeful that my children will always want me in their lives even if they end up living far away which is very possible.

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You sound like a very nice mum. But am I wrong to think that some mums (because there appear to be some shockers written about here) would very much want their child to pick them over wife/husband/partner??

Boomer55 · 08/03/2025 17:01

Verynice44 · 24/02/2025 23:10

I’m not asking you to pick between your actual child or partner, as of course everyone would (or should) pick their children.
but hypothetically, if you had to pick one or other for your life, and forgo the other, which would you choose?
I would pick having a child and forgo a relationship.

edited to add- please say if you have kids when you answer or are child free

You should want both.🙄

JeanPaulGagtier · 08/03/2025 17:02

Child. Much more fun than any partner I've ever had.

Orangesinthebag · 08/03/2025 17:11

InTheBalmyMidwinter · 08/03/2025 16:59

You sound like a very nice mum. But am I wrong to think that some mums (because there appear to be some shockers written about here) would very much want their child to pick them over wife/husband/partner??

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Really? How odd

Orangesinthebag · 08/03/2025 17:34

InTheBalmyMidwinter · 08/03/2025 16:59

You sound like a very nice mum. But am I wrong to think that some mums (because there appear to be some shockers written about here) would very much want their child to pick them over wife/husband/partner??

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Ps why are you singling out mums here? There is something very off about your post.

Itwasacceptableinthe80zz · 08/03/2025 17:51

InTheBalmyMidwinter · 08/03/2025 16:59

You sound like a very nice mum. But am I wrong to think that some mums (because there appear to be some shockers written about here) would very much want their child to pick them over wife/husband/partner??

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Yes you are totally wrong. That’s not how it works.

InTheBalmyMidwinter · 09/03/2025 09:07

@Itwasacceptableinthe80zz not in your world maybe.

InTheBalmyMidwinter · 09/03/2025 09:10

Orangesinthebag · 08/03/2025 17:34

Ps why are you singling out mums here? There is something very off about your post.

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Because this is MN and the OP is asking if you'd pick a child over a partner. The ones who 'pick' child are obviously mums. Not 'off' in my mind at all. Simply logistics

BettyBardMacDonald · 09/03/2025 09:10

@Boomer55

No one "should" want anything, particularly procreation.

BettyBardMacDonald · 09/03/2025 09:14

Treeinthesky · 28/02/2025 20:09

Recently single. One 10 year old who is lovely and has adhd.

15 year old dd who screams shouts expects me to wait on her hand and foot and is truly nasty and vindictive and blames me for everything.

Had a husband who was lovely for years then became an alcoholic and didn't cope with stress from kids

Had a bf for 2.5 years who kept trying to parent and my 15 year old kicks on refusing to change her ways and be evil to said bf for saying maybe bring your plates down.

I'd never change my kids or put a man first. But in all honesty relationships are better without kids. But women generally want kids so you want what you don't have and then have them and your relationship goes shit so there isn't an answer to your question really.

I assume the LW meant

"Would you rather have a good relationship with a partner or a positive child rearing experience?"

No one wants a shitshow either way, obviously. But assuming either experience would be pleasant, which would one choose? That is the hypothetical question at hand.