If you had to pick between having a child or having a partner?

[Verynice44]

I’m not asking you to pick between your actual child or partner, as of course everyone would (or should) pick their children.
but hypothetically, if you had to pick one or other for your life, and forgo the other, which would you choose?
I would pick having a child and forgo a relationship.

edited to add- please say if you have kids when you answer or are child free

You’ve misunderstood the question. People aren’t choosing between partners or children that already exist. They are choosing the concept if you could start over

Agree.

My love for my child is like nothing else, ever. I will never stop loving him. I could stop loving a partner.

Children.
I would always have said children, having children is the only thing in life I was always certain about.

This is why I ask as I’m considering this route!

That’s encouraging to hear. This is why I ask. I’m going to go down this route but I worry that I’m basically sacrificing ever having a partner now if I become a solo mum, I don’t mind that idea at the minute but maybe il feel different in 20 years

Child of course

Men are temporary, they come and go. Kids are forever.

Children. I would never have known before DC but I love them in a way I could never love a man (I felt it before I even realised I was pregnant). I’ve grown in every possible way as a result of motherhood. Despite a pretty decent career, raising children will always be the thing I’m proudest of. They are simply wonderful!

A child - I knew I wouldn’t feel fulfilled if I didn’t have one and I was right about that. I had several attempts at IVF and it finally worked. He’s a teen now and I’ve loved every every day being his mum!

Me too. I always knew if I had to chose child on my own or relationship it would always be a child.

My husband. Hands down. I regularly say marrying him was the best choice I've made.

We have four kids, two of which are adults.

I firmly believe I would be differently, but equally happy if my husband and I chose to not have children. Our lives would be very differently, but not less joyful.

Men are temporary, they come and go. Kids are forever.

Just like partners, kids can choose to go and never come back. My parents have three kids, and have had no contact with any of us for over a decade, I haven't seen either in over twenty years. For them, parenthood was temporary & very come and go.

I openly accept my adults kids could leave at any time and eventually all my kid will have that option & I'd have no say in the matter, just like my husband can. I also have that choice and continue those relationships because of the mutual wanting to be part of each others' lives. For me, that's an important part of any relationship in the long-term

@Achyarms they're 2 and 4 so just a lot of screaming and tantrums from the 2yr old at the moment and the 4yr old has gained an attitude problem since starting school.

All having children has done for me is mean I get practically no sleep and I work non-stop to pay for nursery and wrap around care. Maybe when they're a bit older I may feel differently.

Partner because you can choose the one you want but you don't get a choice who your child is and you're partly responsible for who they turn out to be.

Child

The love is unconditional

My partner was infertile. I would not have split up with him to have a child, so I suppose I would have chosen partner. But I think that's very individual and also entirely depends on the quality of the relationship.

We're very lucky that we have now managed to conceive with a donor and have both, but ultimately I would have accepted being childless. I have a great life with him, and my desire for children, whilst pretty strong, was never an absolute essential in my life. I would have been sad, bit I know I could have had a fulfilling life without them.

I would also choose a partner, selfishly, because they are by your side for life. Children go off and do their own things once they are adults, you might very rarely see them.

In the trenches with a young baby, I’d say partner.

I really don’t think I’d have survived doing this solo!

If it's totally hypothetical and my gorgeous children never happened, then I would choose partner as children obviously grow up and leave for their own lives.

Child, every time

A.child. I always wanted children and if needed I always knew I could do so alone. (Child of divorces may also make a difference in this situatiob)

Partner

Obviously my existing children now.

But if they weren't born, it seems a no brainer to me that a whole life shared with a loving life partner is a better deal than 18 years of struggling through single parenthood, followed by being mostly alone when you children (quite righly) fly the nest and build their own lives independent of you.

I suspect people's happiness in their relationships is going to strongly influence how people answer this question though.

Partner. And I've experienced 3 years of infertility.

Partner (or neither and have a dog!) I never felt any desire to have kids when I was younger and there was no way I would have ever chosen to be a single parent. I wasn’t anti children however, more agnostic.
I have DH and one DC and tbh my DH is the only person I ever met who I could imagine having children with because he was born to be a dad and is the most hands on parent ever!
In a different relationship I would, in all likelihood, be childfree and fine with it.

I'm child free and have ended relationships rather than have kids.
Happily have neither now.

If I think would I rather live a life not having had a child or a partner then I'd chose a partner. The experience of pregnancy, childbirth and then the relationship with my child is not comparable to anything else in my life.
I'm grateful I've never had to actually choose in real life though.

Child. I split with my ex DH in 2016 and only had 1 short term relationship since and so living without a partner is normal life for me .