Wife’s constant crying

[Peaspees]

I find it very hard to explain but my wife is prone to burst into floods of tears at the slightest upset or frustration. It then takes hours or days to get her to calm down. She directs this type of behaviour only to her immediate family, and never to friends or work colleagues.

She intentionally sabotages herself. For example, last Sunday I was going to a football game, however on Saturday she announced that her family are coming over to visit, before they fly off on their long term vacation. She become upset that I wasn’t enthused enough at her family coming over to visit, so she told them not to cancel the trip. I was fine with them coming over but slightly annoyed that I would need to cancel my football game. I spent the best part of two hours trying to reason with her.

This Sunday (tomorrow) she was going to a friend’s birthday party, which she had helped plan, but we are no longer going because we need to visit her family. Now her friend is upset with her and feels let her down.
I want to say this is your own fault but it would make things x100 worse.

I don’t know what to do. I try my absolute best not to upset her but I feel I am enabling this type of behaviour and it’s not a great example to the kids. She has always been like this. It’s an arranged marriage and divorce isn’t an option.

Her reactions are akin to melt downs that a toddler might have.

Divorce is always an option.

If you can't divorce then lead separate lives. Her floods of tears seem to be manipulative if she can control them with other people.

I wouldn't have the patience to deal with her.

My 7 year old does this, it's draining from a child never mind an adult. I could
Not live with this type of behaviour.

Ive known a few people like this over the years.
Divorce and move on its kinda of controlling shed some tears have a meltdown get what i want.
Move on op and leave the pity party life is too short.

Sounds like she has MH challenges.
She needs to find a psychologist to help her work through what is going on with her.
Not good for your children to be around.
If she refuses, tell her you will seek support outside the family.
She needs help and support but so do you and the children.

Is this for real? Your football is the priority. I’d cry all the time if I’d saddled myself in a marriage like that.

Eh?

I left someone like this. It was a form of manipulation and control. Women use different means of coercive control.

How did you get there?

I'd cry if I was in an arranged marrige as well tbh, let her go to therapy so she can work through the suffering she has to put up with, hopefully she can then leave you and you'll both be happy.

She probably feels safer with her friends and work colleagues, a bit telling she can't communicate with the ones she's supposed to feel safest with without crying and becoming emotional.

That's very interesting 😂
However, I find crying doesn't get you anywhere, hard reasoning and possibly living apart does.
Only joking a little.
Sounds like a MH issue, or manipulation (in that case, a very silly one).

Constant tears and tantrums are manipulative. Just ignore her and bat on. 🤷‍♀️. She’ll get fed up if you don’t react.

You sound ignorant. An arranged marriage is not the same as a forced marriage.

OP, have you talked to her about her reactions to stuff? Do you feel like she is deliberately trying to manipulate you or is it just that her emotions are all over the place and she really struggles to regulate them?

Do these outbursts tend to happen when her family's demands affect plans she or you have already made?

Hang your hat on that if you need to, dear. This bloke is saddled with a fucking awful wife and you still find him at fault because he has the sheer audacity to be a man.

Potato potato, not always no but I'd argue most arranged marriages are between people raised in a patriarchal religion and male dominated culture, that puts the woman in an arranged marriage at a significant disadvantage imo.

Ignorance 🙄

We've so had a recent influx of men in arranged marriages complaining about their wives, which I find quite suspicious and I refuse to be PC about it.

But you carry on and add to this mans stick.

Have you posted about this before OP?

I’d planned it months in advanced, and I was slightly disappointed that I wouldn’t be able to go but I was clear to her that I’d cancel, and I did. She was upset at my initial reaction, which she felt wasnt ‘happy’ enough.

I would worry that this was manipulative behaviour, especially if she can control it around work colleagues.
It could definitely be considered as controlling or abusive if that’s the case.

She could also have MH issues which she needs to see the gp about.

Honestly, either way I would stop pandering to her.

You know she’s going to be like this regardless of how you act so don’t cancel your football games and call her out on her behaviour.

You would actually be doing her a kindness because she’s going to lose all of her family and friends if she carries on.

I don’t know enough about arranged marriages to judge but I know how awful this would be for a child and she cannot raise a child in the state she’s in right now.
Make sure you use contraception at all times and do not TTC until she has been to the gp and got help.

Do you have a family member or someone from your culture you can speak to?

She obviously learned this tactic during her life. Possibly youngest kid or maybe her way of getting attention from a busy parent? Any way she either stops or you leave. It's very controlling behaviour. An arranged marriage is either legal in which case you can divorce her or else it's not legal (I don't mean illegal) and you can just leave.

I don’t feel it’s deliberate. I feel she honestly becomes upset very easily and it’s hard for her to control her emotions. I don’t think, she is faking being upset or crying

I do find having to deal with this tiring. In particular, trying to get her out of her low moods, which can be exhausting

Crying and adult tantrums are often a manipulative tactic and very hard to live with.

Probably worked when she was a child to get her own way and thus continued.

Divorce is an option.

I have known a manipulative crier- it’s a modus operandi.

She sounds v immature. Tell her to get a grip and her excessive emotions are exhausting.

All hail to the keeper of all knowledge who brands the rest of us "ignorant"...
It's not ignorant to disagree with something so stop with the sanctimony.