Ex wanting to use force to remove bf out of house.

[Heregoes1234]

I have a situation that I am struggling to know where I stand. There was a history of abuse with my ex we weren’t married. But over a year on I live in the home that’s in his name but am the primary care for our children.

I’ve met someone and my ex has been with the person he cheated with since he left for over a year now.

I’ve introduced my partner to our kids slowly over course of six months to him staying over for first time the other night.

My ex was threatening to come over last night and remove him the house with force and due to it being threatening and late evening he left. He was actually over for dinner with no plans to stay the night. I see him once or twice a week and it works out he sees the children twice a month with the sleepover being new.

I know the situation isnt ideal living in a home that’s not in my name but due to current finances and saving up to move out this is how it’s been. He has since torn up the separation agreement to now state the house will not go to me and the children and I can stay here until they move out or 18. My ex is very wealthy and owns several properties. He wanted me to stay in the family home for our children but it’s all changing now I have met someone.

I have logged with the police once when he last came over as was aggressive towards me and the children. Didn’t touch us but threatened us. He had calmed down and all communication since and drop offs are now through his mum and with his mum looking after them in her home every other weekend where he sees them.

I know the answer is to move out and that is my plan. But do I just bend the knee to not having my partner round when I’ve built it up slowly?

Can he legally drag my partner out the house for it simply being his house. He has not lived here since 2023.

I am trying to find out online but I can’t find anything for this situation.

No he can't drag anyone out his house, that's assault, would he drag your family or gurlfriends our, of course not. It is his house. His dies he even know that your new partner came over for dinner. Was the separation agreement done with solicitors, tearing it up doesn't mean anything, do you have a signed witnessed copy. Is there a new agreement in writing. How old are the children, are there any formal visitation and custody agreements.

He dies should read how does.

How did your ex know your boyfriend was there?

Well no, he can't legally 'drag him out'.

But if you weren't married then it sounds like you're there due to his 'good will' which is obviously not guaranteed. Presumably he could end the arrangement to let you live there?

Building it up slowly obviously means different things to different people. Having a new bloke for sleepovers after just over a year of your ex moving out doesn't feel very slow to me. And it probably doesn't for the dc involved either.

If you're living in your ex's home as an act of goodwill on his part, he can lay down the rules. He can also ask you to leave anytime he feels like it.

I think you need to bring your departure forward.

He shouldn’t remove anyone by force, but as the home belongs to him he does have a say who enters and lives there (assuming there isn’t a legally binding rental contract). So he is within his right to evict you with immediate effect.

Was the agreement just between you, or done via solicitors.

Well done for reporting him to the police, not everyone would have the courage to do that.

Does he have parental responsibility at all, was any action taken against him when you reported him, is there any injunction against him, who decided contact is now through his mum. If you can you need to move ASAP, get an injunction against him, apply for csm and get him out your life. You don't have a right to stay but the children need a safe home.

So he's allowed to move on (with the person he cheated with) but you're not (even though you've moved slowly and done it sensibly as you're considerate of the children).

I would get legal advice, police advice, and see what other living options you have.

Does your ex not have his kids?

He can’t physically drag him out and if he says anything like that I would tell him you will contact the police if the threats carry on.

But I personally would just see my bf whilst my kids are at their dads and stay at him home.
You don’t want any issues when your kids are there.

I personally would push for a divorce and then buy somewhere new.
Then you don’t have to deal with this behaviour anymore.

They had a separation agreement, which sounds like it was set up legally. She confusingly adds "the house will not go to me and the children and I can stay here until they move out or 18".

Taking this at face value, it looks as though the legal agreement says OP gets the house, or a share of it. Now the ex says she can't keep the house but can live there?

More clarity needed.

@Heregoes1234, your ex can't physically throw your boyfriend out - or, he could but he'd then be done for assault. He can intimidate him, as he already has done. If he's violent, this is potentially worrying and you should talk to the domestic abuse person with your local police.

It's time you got everything cut and dried regarding your separation, and child maintenance if you and the children move out.

You ex sounds awful and he has no right to lay hands on your bf.

However, the house is solely in his name and you are not married. Consequently, you have no legal right to stay in the home.

This is from the citizens advice

“Rights to the home for owner-occupiers
If you and your partner live in owner occupied property and only one of you is the owner of the property only the owner has the right to stay in your home”

Yeah... You need to move out op.

It's his house, and his next step will be to force you out. Separation agreements are ONLY Legally binding if you have been through (civil) court, otherwise he can absolutely tear it up.

If you're unmarried then legally you don't have a leg to stand on I'm afraid. Best your new chap stays away until you can move out of his property.

Was the separation agreement legally binding or not?

His property, his rules. If you don’t like it, you’ll need to rent or buy your own home.

Next time he threatens a y thing of the sort, tell him to go for it.

Lock the doors and windows. Put the safety chain on.

If he turns up, call the police.

Take out an order of protection that keeps him away from you and your new partner.

Get legal advice to get contact set in stone as well as financial support.

Do not have anything that is just an agreement between you, get it legal, get it ordered by a court.

Protect yourself legally and physically.

Bullshit.

And not helpful.

He owns the property. OP is not his wife, nor is she his tenant. Tell me, which legal rights does she have to occupy it?

I assume he doesn't like the idea of a strange man in the house (his house) with his children. He does have a point, but it's pretty unreasonable for you to have to live like a nun. You need to get a lawyer to look at your agreement that lets you live in the house, assuming it is legal and in writing, to see if there are caveats about other people staying there.

To be honest I think you're being really silly to put your children's home at risk just because you want to have a man over. If he owns the house then he's obviously not going to want another man in there, especially given his history.

If you have only been separated from your ex for a year and have been introducing this new man to your kids over the last 6 months then that was extremely fast to begin with.

You need to start saving heavily to get a place of your own for your kids so he has no more power over you. And also start prioritising your kids.

He can't drag him out, but he'll make your life difficult.

Does your bf have his own home? It would be best to meet there when the kids are with your ex/his mum.

Last thing you need is a man having financial control over you.

Start making plans to house yourself, even if it's a smaller place.

A shame for the kids to be in the middle of all this, don't prolong it.

I'd keep the peace and save as much as I could as quickly as I could, then leave.

The agreement was all agreed and about to be signed. But now he wants to change that. I have been told I have a right to be in the home with the children until they are 18.

Our children are preschool age.

I wasn't prioritising a man over my kids. he was never going to stay with my ex threatening.
It is frustrating I cannot move on with my life. My ex had said many times don’t feel like you can’t have anyone over and knew of my partner and the plans of him being introduced slowly. It’s once something has happened he has a change and lashes out.

My ex has not done that with his partner and first time meeting he left them with her for a week and I just accepted we are both parents and our judgement on who can be around our kids isn’t something either one of us can decide or police without any genuine concern.

I’m recently getting back into work and how my ex left was rug sweeping moment I don’t have savings and wanted more security before leaving. I don’t have a plan B or family local that could help. I also don’t want to move in with another partner but I would like to have a life where I can see people without it being policed.

In the agreement that was about to be signed by us it stated every scenario and it was very amicable and fair. It covered future relationships both side but he is not happy with this being mutual in real life.

Who told you you have a right to be in the home until the kids are 18?