Ex wanting to use force to remove bf out of house.

[Heregoes1234]

I have a situation that I am struggling to know where I stand. There was a history of abuse with my ex we weren’t married. But over a year on I live in the home that’s in his name but am the primary care for our children.

I’ve met someone and my ex has been with the person he cheated with since he left for over a year now.

I’ve introduced my partner to our kids slowly over course of six months to him staying over for first time the other night.

My ex was threatening to come over last night and remove him the house with force and due to it being threatening and late evening he left. He was actually over for dinner with no plans to stay the night. I see him once or twice a week and it works out he sees the children twice a month with the sleepover being new.

I know the situation isnt ideal living in a home that’s not in my name but due to current finances and saving up to move out this is how it’s been. He has since torn up the separation agreement to now state the house will not go to me and the children and I can stay here until they move out or 18. My ex is very wealthy and owns several properties. He wanted me to stay in the family home for our children but it’s all changing now I have met someone.

I have logged with the police once when he last came over as was aggressive towards me and the children. Didn’t touch us but threatened us. He had calmed down and all communication since and drop offs are now through his mum and with his mum looking after them in her home every other weekend where he sees them.

I know the answer is to move out and that is my plan. But do I just bend the knee to not having my partner round when I’ve built it up slowly?

Can he legally drag my partner out the house for it simply being his house. He has not lived here since 2023.

I am trying to find out online but I can’t find anything for this situation.

It reminds me of the common law wife nonsense you see posted. It defies all logic.

im sure if the op thought about it. She’d realise sh3 wasn’t entitled to a house as she’s primary carer to her own kids.

Exactly, you are not married, you have no rights to live there whatsoever. There is no "common law" or common law rights. He lets you live there, end of.

I wouldn’t give up a free home for me and my dc.The bf can come round but not stay over if you are being monitored. How does ex know the bf is staying? Cctv, dc tell him? Go to bf house then. Get the agreement signed, play it clever until it is signed, say you broke up with bf. Then live in the house for say 5 years and you will have a good deposit for a small house to move to. You can keep the bf but play it down for now, a home is worth way more in the short term. Be amicable if ex is wealthy, you want your dc to be in touch and benefit from their father (arsehole that he is).

It's his property. You're bringing another man into his house without his permission. I can see why he is angry.

Reverse the roles. You own a property. You allow your ex man to stay there for the sake of the children. He starts allowing a new woman into your property. You would not be happy, and I'm sure you'd want to kick them both out.

Nobody on this thread familiar with TOLATA then..?

OP, I assume you took some legal advice in respect of the draft separation agreement. You need further legal advice now. Please don’t take legal advice from strangers on the internet.

@Heregoes1234 he is a controling arse.
He cheats leaves had a life and try’s to dictate/control yours . Only way he can is through the house .

Try giving him the same hassle back.
Tell him the facts that you could cause hassle for his relationship and refuse the kids around his gf. You could move away and start afresh as it’s cheaper to buy /rent.
He could force you to live with someone when you don’t want too.

Tell him these are all things you don’t wish to do .
He has to get over it and himself as he doesn’t have a say in your life anymore . He blew it when he cheated. .

This is a recipe for disaster.

It's your ex's house. You are trying to bring another man into his property, and into his bed? And you expect your ex to be happy with this arrangement?

Obviously he has a right to tell this strange man to get out. He only allowed your to stay in the house for the sake of the children.

You're on precarious ground OP, you don't have any rights to stay.

There is almost certainly no way OP would be advised that she would be granted the legal right to remain in her ex boyfriend’s house for a period of 15 years or more!
It’s not remotely comparable to allowing the children to remain in the family home to finish their last 2 years of school.

I think maybe you aren’t, TOLATA won’t apply here, she is not disputing she owns part of the property.

That’s ridiculous. She should not allow an abusive ex to continue to control her. She needs to get out asap because atm that’s the only thing he’s using to do so.
she should not have to live her life solely for her children because this dickhead finally fucked off with someone else.

So you and ex weren’t married and he owns the house? So yes. You are currently there at his leisure so while he can’t physically drag a person out (that’s assault) he can call the police and have the person removed for trespassing.
He’s made these verbal agreements with you out of guilt for leaving you and the kids for another woman, but as time goes on the guilt will lessen and he’ll become a lot more of a problem. Even with agreements in place, if he doesn’t follow them you’ll be forced to take him to court to enforce them which will take a long time and cost a fortune. The only way to be free from him is to move out and find your own home (rented or otherwise) as it’s fully in your name and he has no say over what happens with it.

Don’t be stupid. He fucked off with someone else. To do that and then still try to dictate who your ex spends time with is insane. He needs to grow up. He won’t though so she needs to get out asap.

Did you miss the last paragraph where I said she needs to sort out her own place so he can no longer control her?

Doesn't matter if he fucked off first, or how the relationship came to an end. What does matter is that he owns the property, and he has a right to say who can enter it.

Op needs to get her own place if she wants to move on.

Doesn't matter if he fucked off first, or how the relationship came to an end. What does matter is that he owns the property, and he has a right to say who can enter it.
Op needs to get her own place if she wants to move on. Otherwise she is coming across very silly.

100 percent, you can’t move on and live in his house,

So has this agreement been drawn up with a solicitor and covers his access to the kids, child maintenance payments and the provision of a house for the kids to live in?

OP, you need to tell us more about the status of this agreement, and whether you are in the UK if you want answers.

If it is a contract and not court ordered he can presumably just break it. And you would need to take him to court to get him to honour the contract.

But he hasn’t signed it anyway.

Not sure why you would have a ‘right’ to live in the house til the kids are 18 , was that part of the contract due to be signed?

TOLATA is still a massive stretch, if op hasn't been working and she hasn't mentioned making any significant contribution to the house by way of maintenance or building work. And still unlikely to permit her to stay for 15 years. And will be VERY expensive to pursue...

There is no agreement it is ripped up.

he also doesn’t need a formal agreement. They are his kids, he can go for 50 5o or agree with her a lesser split. And maintenance based on the cms calcutor.

Extremely naive of you do to anything to upset the arrangement before it was signed.

It is hid house. You weren't married and I really doubt you are entitled to stay in it until the youngest turns 18.

This doesn't mean he's not a controlling asshole.

It's unreasonable of you to move somebody in to the house you don't owm and are only living in by the consent of the owner your ex. I think you need to move out.

when an agreement is ripped up and not signed by either party there is no agreement, an agreement is when both sign it.

Why don’t you just see him on the days your husband has your kids and go out on dates. I wouldn’t feel comfortable bringing a man into the house where my soon to be ex owns the house. Find a person who wants to do things out of your husband’s home.