My soon to be ex husband left his ex wife for me! And now he’s leaving me for someone else

[Emilia90]

2016 I met my soon to be ex husband on a night out and at that time I didn’t know he was married. He kept it well hidden for at least 6/7 months, until he came clean and told me everything and how he was unhappy.

I was so much in love with him at that time and forgave him, they got a divorce and we moved on with our lives. Fast forward to 2020 we got married and I found out I couldn’t have children so we decided we would adopt. Everything was going fine and we were happy so I thought, didn’t suspect anything from him because after all I forgave him and did trust him. That was my biggest mistake

2024 May he came home and told me how “unhappy” he was and wanted a divorce. My heart sank to my stomach and I begged him to not leave and will go marriage counseling. He refused and packed his things and left the house, I found out in August 2024 that he “introduced” his new girlfriend to his parents and apparently they said that if he’s happy then we’re happy for him. They never liked me and took him ages to introduce me to his parents even after his first divorce, I didn’t even meet them until a year later. I’m so stupid for thinking I could trust him.

And now she’s pregnant and he’s gone and moved in with her :-( and I want to message her and give her a piece of my mind but I can’t bring myself to do it. I love this man too much and can’t move on from him I worked too hard for our relationship and marriage to work. What do I do ?

Actually she isn't. If he lied to you for several months and you didn't know he had a wife - why do you think he'd be honest with her? Given the timeline, it sounds as if he has done the exact same with her as he did with you.

Also...do you think perhaps his ex wife felt the same when he got with you, as you are feeling now?

This is not a man to long for and feel sad about losing. He's a serial cheater and has no regard for the women he is hurting. When he came clean to you about having a wife after 7 months, it was a huge mistake to forgive and move on. It would be another mistake to continue to be sad about losing this loser and taking your anger out on anyone but him.

Ever heard the saying when the mistress becomes the wife it creates a vacancy?

She isn’t a tart or whatever other horrible name you want to call her. She fell for the same lies and bullshit that you did.

Well, if this is true, you need to see a lawyer so you can get a fair divorce settlement. If he's transferred the house to his Dad, he could have committed an offence by hiding marital assets.

Because you were the other woman at the start of your relationship with him and instead of a) being angry with him and b) realising the irony, you're sat here calling her a tart and laying all the blame at her feet. Do you also declare yourself a tart and take all the blame for the end of his previous relationship?

This its called karma i have no pitty.

You deserved this.

Jeeez OP... he's been brutal and I'm sorry you're hurting, but how on earth can you blame the OW rather than this rat of a man? Especially as you were the OW before? Please, have a word with yourself.

He may be incredibly good company when he chooses to be, but he's a shit and has long been. A prenup? Didn't that tell you what a prince he was? I don't know what you need to do to get over him, but go ahead and do it as long as it doesn't involve damage to persons or valuable property. Get him out of your system and get some standards for the future.

Good to read somewhere up thread that prenups aren't legally binding in the UK. As others said, get good legal advice and safeguard your financial interests in the upcoming divorce. Don't yell at the new squeeze, yell at the man who was so very ready to 'be stolen', if you need to yell.

You're better off rid of him, and his wife to be deserves pity more than envy. I hope you'll be able to see that soon.

Do you not think this has been posted eight times already?

I don't know why you're surprised or shocked by his behaviour. He was a married man when you met him and he lied to you about it. What he's doing now is entirely predictable given his past behaviour. You were the other woman and now he's left you for the other woman. What goes around comes around. He sounds like a shit and you're better off without him. You knew he was a liar and a cheat but you forgave him because 'you loved him' 🙄 presumably the new girlfriend feels the same way.

@Emilia90 what do you mean when you say “out of nowhere he has a new girlfriend”?

You split up last spring!!!

Did you think he would stay single forever? Even if he cheated on you with her, it’s exactly the same as when he was with you and still married.

Maybe he really did want his own child and is too much of a coward to tell you?

Either way, he’s no loss. My advice is to behave with a bit more moral fibre and hopefully good things will come your way.

Did you call yourself a tart op when you was doing it to the other woman did you blame your self for any of it.

I bet his ex-wife thinks the same of you.

I am surrised you are surprised. Even if you genuinely didn't know he was married at first, you did eventually and you went along with his tales of woe instead of realsing what kind of person he was. He lied to his ex-wife and he lied to you. Now he's done it again. And he'll do it again too.

I struggle to be entirely sympathetic because you were fine being the other woman and having been lied too, but that's water under the bridge now. But have some self-respect and recognise that she is doing nothing you didn't do, probably thinks she's in love with him and will probably end up in the same place as you. Move on. You haven't lost anything of value.

Isn't that what you and he did to his ex-wife?

@Emilia90

Don't be angry at her;she's not stealing your life.

Thank god the lying cheating POS has gone;the trash has literally taken itself out.

He cheated with you,cheated on you and will likely cheat on the new supply too.

Time to take a breather and move on;avoid attached men in the future

I'm sorry you are hurting but you must realise you have absolutely no moral highground here or right to be angry at another woman for doing exactly what you did. She's no worse than you, is she? You don't have clean hands here so you must realise that people's sympathy is likely to come with a side of what did you expect?

He is the one to be angry with. This is a pattern he has and he will carry on doing it, not caring that he leaves a trail of destruction behind him.

Yes it is your life. And it was his ex's life that he destroyed when he took up with you. And it will be this woman's life that is destroyed when he goes looking for the next place to wet his dick.

You need to gather up your dignity and move on. He is not worth it. He never was but it's only now that you're the one in pain that you can see it.

I want to message her and give her a piece of my mind but I can’t bring myself to do it.

Why? You were happy to stay with him after finding out he'd been cheating on his first wife with you!

Meh when the mistress becomes a wife she creates a vacancy.

You can be upset all you want but she has done the same to you as you did to his first wife

You say that you didn’t know for 6 months so what if that was the same for her? How is she any more of a tart than you were when you were sleeping with a married man

Sorry OP but once a cheat, always a cheat.
Ex cheated on me while pregnant and OW was probably like you were regarding his ex wife feeling very smug. He came crawling back to cheat on her with me but I showed him the door.

No, he’s taking it away from you. He probably did the exact thing with her a he did with you. The man is a liar and a cheat. That’s a him problem. He’s a pos, you need to let this go. If it isn’t her, it would be another woman

This is a mess but ai think the best you can do is learn from it. Don't get involved with married men, if tou find out they are married or with someone and they have been lying, call it off, it's the right thing to do. Ejth regards to being unable to have children, at least you didn't adopt with him in the end as this would be a beartbreaking mess as he would have probably cheated anyway in the end. You had a lucky escape from him where you can cleanly walk away.
You are still young and have plenty of time to find someone who is a decent person and now have experience to choose more wisely. I have many a friend who met their husbands in late 30s and 40s after shitty past relationships. It feels raw now but it really is the best thing that this cheating liar is out of your life.

His new partner isn't anymore of a tart than you are. Now you know how his ex wife feels.

She’s not to blame for the behaviour of your ex. She owes you nothing. 🤷‍♀️

You FAFO.

Many moons ago,I fell in love with a man

I'd just had his baby when he ran off with my best friend

He fed her all the classic lines of what a nightmare I was to live with,how unhappy he was,how I'd trapped him into having his baby and everything that was wrong in his life was all my fault

The same shit you swallowed at the time

They where shagging behind my back and finally ran off together

Then,she found out he wasn't the man she thought he was-he's exactly like your ex husband-loves the thrill of the chase but doesn't do the whole relationship (in fairness she has issues with her mental health so I think he realised they where not loves young dream)

He did exactly the same thing to her (thankfully no children)

She reacted exactly the same as you have-the other woman was a tart and had ruined her life

Except she wasnt-she swallowed the whole bullshit lines he'd fed the best friend and he did exactly the same to her

He's been missing for the last 10 years but I will guarantee he's still at it,feeding women lines and lies

I did laugh when I saw her screaming about this issue on sm

And I stil laugh now,18 years on