My soon to be ex husband left his ex wife for me! And now he’s leaving me for someone else

[Emilia90]

2016 I met my soon to be ex husband on a night out and at that time I didn’t know he was married. He kept it well hidden for at least 6/7 months, until he came clean and told me everything and how he was unhappy.

I was so much in love with him at that time and forgave him, they got a divorce and we moved on with our lives. Fast forward to 2020 we got married and I found out I couldn’t have children so we decided we would adopt. Everything was going fine and we were happy so I thought, didn’t suspect anything from him because after all I forgave him and did trust him. That was my biggest mistake

2024 May he came home and told me how “unhappy” he was and wanted a divorce. My heart sank to my stomach and I begged him to not leave and will go marriage counseling. He refused and packed his things and left the house, I found out in August 2024 that he “introduced” his new girlfriend to his parents and apparently they said that if he’s happy then we’re happy for him. They never liked me and took him ages to introduce me to his parents even after his first divorce, I didn’t even meet them until a year later. I’m so stupid for thinking I could trust him.

And now she’s pregnant and he’s gone and moved in with her :-( and I want to message her and give her a piece of my mind but I can’t bring myself to do it. I love this man too much and can’t move on from him I worked too hard for our relationship and marriage to work. What do I do ?

I assumed it was written ironically!

Words I’m sure resonate with his 1st wife.

I don't wish to sound unsympathetic but what did you really expect from a man who left his wife for you...... I bet wife #1 is loving life right now. Did she launch into vitriolic tirades when you stole him from her? No?

The history book on the shelf.....

Oh no, if it isn't the consequences of your actions!

One piece of good news, if the only one. Prenups are taken into account by courts when arriving at a settlement, but they are not legally binding in the UK. Whether or not this makes a difference, given the marriage likely doesn't meet the criteria for a long marriage, I couldn't say. The best thing you can do is get yourself some solid legal advice and ensure you get what you are entitled to.

As for what you do, there's nothing you can do. He's left, and gone about it extremely brutally too. At least you can console yourself with the knowledge that you owe him nothing, and that contrary to what you feel right now, your life has not been stolen from you. One man is not all that life's about, as the old song lyric goes. All you can do is dust yourself off, allow yourself to go through the necessary grieving process, and move on.

I'm sorry about your infertility. I've been in this boat - took us the thick end of a decade to have our one and only - so I know something of the pain you're in. But I did have an alternative life planned out, and knew that I could live a good, productive life on my own terms. Women are worth much more than our capacity to be wives and mothers. Our capacity for happiness isn't solely tied up in those roles and we're not adjuncts to men.

I know this doesn't comfort you now, but one day, it will.

I expect so was his first wife

Why aren't you blaming him?

She didn't drag him away kicking and screaming anymore than you did when he got with you.

He's a sleaze

Find better

Oh wow! For some reason I thought you wanted to message her to warn her what an utter piece of shit she has fallen for! She is certainly no worse than you were four year ago, right? You did EXACTLY the same thing.

By all means warn her that he is a serial cheater, but it's too late - she's pregnant and won't be able to shake him off now.

My friend is in the same position as you. She's engaged to be his 3rd wife. He cheated on the first 2. My friend was his latest mistress. He'll cheat on her too, and she knows it. I have no idea why women continue to take up with these men. They literally advertise their cheater-ness. So stupid.

By the way, see a solicitor as to where you stand with the house

Do you work? If not, start job hunting

Welp

Womp womp

Sorry for spamming but I wasn’t quite sure which phrase was more applicable😅

Boohoo you

When a man marries his mistress, he creates a vacancy.

I too think this is a wind up.

You're calling her a tart and saying she stole your life. You did the EXACT SAME THING to his ex wife then.😂

How have you got the nerve to say this ?

2016 I met my soon to be ex husband on a night out and at that time I didn’t know he was married. He kept it well hidden for at least 6/7 months, until he came clean and told me everything and how he was unhappy.

Surely, you must see the irony here...

You walk away, because he doesn’t love you.

He not only cheated on his wife. He basically lived a double life for more then 7 months and simultaneously lied to you both.

You never had a had a life with this man. The whole relationship is based on lies and future faking.

It's a huge betrayal and it's normal to be upset but the fact you actually want him back is indication you need some counselling OP. You are definitely worth more then that.

How you catch them is how you lose them.

I suggest you chew on your karma and refrain from giving his "new tart" a piece of your mind. You were that "tart" once upon a time.

Ah! Need to turn up my sarcasm sensor!

@Emilia90 And out of no where he has a new girlfriend?

Out of nowhere not, he had been with this woman for quite a while and had it all mapped out how he was going to serve you with divorce papers and sell the house. He had been grooming this girl for while telling her your marriage was awful, how unhappy he was and all that time he was "divorcing you", exactly like he did to you.

(I'm starting to agree with others that this has to be a wind up)

Infertility doesn’t give someone the right to name call another woman as a tart. I had some sympathy with op until then but not now. Especially given the astonishing hypocrisy she is displaying.

If this is a legitimate thread then I am truly sorry this has happened to you.

For me it highlights how women need to hold men to way higher standards than we currently do. There is always a woman prepared to take on man who has betrayed his previous partner & basically excuse his poor behaviour - often only to regret it later.

Your anger should be directed at him not his new partner. But also learn from this and next time you discover a man you are with is (or has been) a cheat, walk away & tell him why.

It seems to me some men behave like this simply because they can & because women let them.

But he probably told her a load of lies, just like he told you at the beginning. She’ll forgive him just like you did - especially as she’s pregnant.

You need to think of it as a lucky escape from a bloke who is a dishonest piece of turd.

He sounds like my brother. Every wife and GF he's had thought their relationship was special and wouldn't accept his track record. He cheated on everyone of them, including the mother of his 2 kids. He has money so they're quick to overlook his past and they get burned.

You need to get over this, he really isn't coming back so time to break the ties and move on.