My soon to be ex husband left his ex wife for me! And now he’s leaving me for someone else

[Emilia90]

2016 I met my soon to be ex husband on a night out and at that time I didn’t know he was married. He kept it well hidden for at least 6/7 months, until he came clean and told me everything and how he was unhappy.

I was so much in love with him at that time and forgave him, they got a divorce and we moved on with our lives. Fast forward to 2020 we got married and I found out I couldn’t have children so we decided we would adopt. Everything was going fine and we were happy so I thought, didn’t suspect anything from him because after all I forgave him and did trust him. That was my biggest mistake

2024 May he came home and told me how “unhappy” he was and wanted a divorce. My heart sank to my stomach and I begged him to not leave and will go marriage counseling. He refused and packed his things and left the house, I found out in August 2024 that he “introduced” his new girlfriend to his parents and apparently they said that if he’s happy then we’re happy for him. They never liked me and took him ages to introduce me to his parents even after his first divorce, I didn’t even meet them until a year later. I’m so stupid for thinking I could trust him.

And now she’s pregnant and he’s gone and moved in with her :-( and I want to message her and give her a piece of my mind but I can’t bring myself to do it. I love this man too much and can’t move on from him I worked too hard for our relationship and marriage to work. What do I do ?

I have no sympathy. He lied to you, and you then stayed with him knowing he cheated on his wife with you, that’s says it all about both of you

Now you know how his first wife felt, and hopefully have learnt a hard lesson..

Be as bitter as you want, it’s wasted energy

What an awful awful woman the new Girlfriend is.
She knew he was married and then she stole him from you, what a evil evil thing to do.
Women like that deserve whatever they get.
I really hope Karma gets her one day and the same thing happens to her, then she will know what its like.

Hey OP! Although the posters saying that it’s not surprising are correct, I do feel sorry for you. Judging from your username, you’re only 34 and would have been even younger when you met him. I guess you were swept up in your first love. Hopefully if you find yourself dating a married man again (I know you didn’t know so it’s not all on you) then you’ll feel more empathy for his wife.

It’s a lot that you’ve also found out you’re infertile. I’m also infertile and it’s a big blow to the old self esteem isn’t it? However, he sounds creepy AF and I’m sure you will be eventually relieved he didn’t baby trap you. That announcement he did with his parents sounds so incestuous. You’ve had a lucky escape. Once he realises the relentlessness of life with a young child, he will likely cheat on her. He sounds like he only likes ‘fun’ women (ones with no realness to them).

At least you have the freedom to restart your career and rent a cute bachelorette pad. It would be super hard to do this with a child in tow. The new girlfriend will be in your situation soon but with a child. I am very sorry to hear of your infertility of course (I’m even the same) but it’s kind of a good thing in the context of this situation.

Well, you know what he was. Ranting to the new girlfriend won’t change a thing. He’ll have filled her head just like he did you.

Concentrate on the adoption process if you’re still intending on doing that. That will occupy your mind while the pain eases.

Which is what OP did to his first wife.
Honestly OP, you're angry for lots of reasons and I suspect one of those is the situation where you cannot have children. You know you're wholly unreasonable to be directing your pain and anger at her. She is you just a few years later. He sounds like an absolute prize wanker and you're well rid of him. You'll see that in time. Focus on getting yourself into a position to support yourself, roof over your head, job and your own friends. Close the door on this man. You aren't tied together and for that you should be truly thankful.
Anyone reading this, thinking it will be different with you, that's the roll of the dice but it's rarely in your favour. Take heed.

Yep. When a mistress becomes a wife she creates a vacancy.

One day, future you will realise that you're not angry with her (she made no promise to you), and you're not even angry with him (he's being exactly who he always was).

You are angry with yourself for having such shockingly poor judgement that you married a man who you already knew had cheated on his first wife and left her for you. You did that, no-one else.

That's the path out of how you're feeling, to take responsibility for your own past choices so that you can make better ones going forward.

Or, you can carry on playing the victim and blaming everyone else, but it will only keep you stuck in a shitty place, giving all your power away.

This cannot be serious... So when you were other woman you were lied to and in love, but his next Other Woman is "stealing your life" and you want to give HER a piece of your mind? Come on now. You know it's not her you want to go off at, not really.

Your husband lied to you regarding his first marriage. You were his mistress, and you know the saying 'When a man marries his mistress, then it creates a vacancy'. You fell for his lies. Now he's done to you, exactly what he did to his first wife! Him wanting a divorce has come as a shock to you, just as it probably did to his first wife. You've come down to earth with a very big bump and realised you married a arsehole. The likelihood is, he will do the same to his new partner (who incidently was also his mistress too) in a few years time. She probably fell for the same lines and lies as you did. Having a rant at his new partner, is rather hypocritical of you, after all you were the other woman at one point too. It's shit, and I understand you are hurt. However, he showed his true colours, when you found out he had a wife, and had been cheating on her, with you. You chose to ignore the very large red flag. He treated his first wife like a disposable sock, and he's treated you the same. This is, who he is. Accept that your relationship is truly over, and it is, as the OW is pregnant. Divorce the POS, be thankful you have nothing permanent tying you to him, you can have clean break. Once the divorce is over, you don't have to see him again. I appreciate you can't turn your emotions off, but honestly he's not worth wasting energy over.

Well he sounds like a nightmare. He is never going to settle is he. This must hurt op as you wanted children with him. Did you go through with adoption together? Maybe you still can adopt without him. But this man seems to create a persona that women fall for then he moves on. Unlikely he will stay particularly when life becomes about nappy changes and school runs it won’t be as exciting as an affair will it.

Read that back to yourself.

Because it's exactly what you did to another woman.

Of course you're angry. But - be angry at HIM. She hasn't stolen your life, he's thrown your life away without so much as a backwards glance.

Although - you say "I’m so stupid for thinking I could trust him." Are you angry at yourself? `Don't redirect that anger to her, it rightly belongs on him.

"He’s acting as if he never loved me"
Entirely possible. He sounds like the sort of man who can only love himself. The women in his life are mere accessories.

"And now she’s pregnant and he’s gone and moved in with her :-( and I want to message her and give her a piece of my mind but I can’t bring myself to do it. I love this man too much and can’t move on from him I worked too hard for our relationship and marriage to work. What do I do ?"
If you really want to message her, might I suggest

'He left his wife for me. He left his wife for you.'

A heads-up, rather than a piece of your mind, which would be totally uncalled for. Pity her, because whilst he has left two wives now, when (when, not if) he leaves her she will be left with his children, tying her to him until the children are at least 18. And beyond. You can (if you wish) move on and put him behind you. She will not have that luxury for a couple of decades, maybe never.

Deal with your bitterness. It hurts only you. Sorry if that sounds unfeeling, but it's true. You were in love with him, but in reality you were in love with an illusion. He is not worthy of your love, he is not worth a damn.

I have to say I re-read this and had to smile. It sounds like this man has always been awful yet women still want to be with him. They have all set the bar low and ended up being dumped by a lowlife .No doubt he will keep doing this as his women are prepared to put up with him.

Why is she a tart? Are you? Again, you did exactly the same thing, only without the ability to get pregnant yourself.

Mm... whilst pre-nups are legal in the UK, they do not over-ride contract law.

Contracts have to be fair - if a clause in a contract (or the whole thing) is unfair - for example a common one I come across as a dog trainer is breeders asking that dogs are returned to them if the owner can't keep them - this is not enforceable, you cannot legally bind someone to GIVE you back property you sold to them. You can only ask that they consider it.

Courts will absolutely look at pre-nups and may well veto some or all of one if they feel it is unfair.

Also as long as you took the photos, you can put them where you like, he cannot force you to remove them, so tell him to go fuck himself.

Saying this as gently as possible. As others have said you really are in no position to be so vitriolic towards the new girlfriend. He will likely have done the same to her as he did with you. She has no more stolen your life than you did the previous wife's life. You have all been played by him. I know in your case that it is compounded be the awful emotions involved in infertility but be mad at him not her. Oh and lawyer up and hit him in the wallet where it hurts.

I was the first wife but also have fertility issues. Although in my case the new wife was my friend so she knew we were together. Years later when I was miscarrying a pregnancy with my now husband I had to walk past him and her in the street pushing their pram. It was horrific. But my life has moved so far on from there that when a mutual friend from the area they moved to mentioned that she had seen 'X' on a dating site I actually assumed she meant someone she had previously had contact with on the site and asked him which one X was as I couldn't remember her mentioning someone of that name and had totally forgotten about him and that he would be up there. It felt like the best revenge in the world. I guess also he is either trying to cheat or they have split up. I feel for the kids involved but couldn't give a shit about either of the adults.

I was on the pill for good 10yrs and 6 months before we got married I decided to come off it. I found out a later into our marriage that I couldn’t have kids and we both agreed we’d adopt, unfortunately we didn’t get far into the adoption process and I think he delayed it because at first he wasn’t keen on the idea but told me he’d do whatever to make me “happy” looking back at everything now I think he was just telling me what I wanted to hear and I was too focused on wanting a child and filling in all the forms of adopting that I didn’t notice his behavior change until he started acting weird. The morning of May 2024 before he told me he wanted a divorce he left for work at 7am and didn’t message me or phone me throughout the day. I just assumed he was busy with work and he got home before me and told me how “unhappy” he was and wanted a divorce. He was packing his bags as I was trying to plead with him but he didn’t care. That was the last day I saw him and I’ve been blocked since until a end of June when he came home and packed the rest of his things and told me that he’d put the house up for sale. The house isn’t mine and he bought it way before we got married as far as I’m concerned the house is in his dads name but I think he changed the deeds because he was planning this!! And out of no where he has a new girlfriend?

Serves you right!

You do have every right to be angry with him.

For lying to you and continuing a relationship in which you were developing feelings for him while cheating on his wife, and for starting the adoption process when very likely he was looking out of the corner of his eye for a woman he could impregnate.

He is a selfish, untrustworthy bastard. Unfortunately by the time you found that out (over his behaviour to Wife 1) you were attached and you thought you had fallen in love with one person....when he was the lying cheating bastard all along.

It is natural you are angry and you must be devastated. But turning on the new woman and continuing to contact and follow his parents will get you nowhere. Stop contacting any of them or looking at their Social Media.

But leave yours as is - he has no right to tell you what you can and can't put on your own pages.

Sorry OP - only time will heal this.

But once you feel better and stronger...work on why you felt you could trust him, after the clear red flag, and build up your self esteem to not settle for liars or cheaters ever again.

You can never guarantee they won't all do it...but once you know, you know.

Take care of yourself - focus on you and your life, not his.

This is sad and I do see why you’re hurt. But he’s done he’s living with her she’s pregnant with his child what can you possibly do ?

it was nearly a year ago so I definitely feel you need to accept he’s not coming back unfortunately and especially not now if babies on the way.

Start by blocking them all and their social media accounts to stop you snooping. Start making plans for yoy to give you things to focus on. But you need to move forward now as it’s done and he’s not coming back.

I may be wrong but I’m prettty sure pre-nups are not necessarily enforceable in UK ( or England at least). So theres that.

But honestly? Let it go…

Oh the irony 🤣

And you're angry with her? He showed you who he was even before you were married. Read this post as if someone else had written it.

She is not stealing anything from you. Your husband is not innocent. Direct your anger at him instead of an innocent woman.

Meh.