My soon to be ex husband left his ex wife for me! And now he’s leaving me for someone else

[Emilia90]

2016 I met my soon to be ex husband on a night out and at that time I didn’t know he was married. He kept it well hidden for at least 6/7 months, until he came clean and told me everything and how he was unhappy.

I was so much in love with him at that time and forgave him, they got a divorce and we moved on with our lives. Fast forward to 2020 we got married and I found out I couldn’t have children so we decided we would adopt. Everything was going fine and we were happy so I thought, didn’t suspect anything from him because after all I forgave him and did trust him. That was my biggest mistake

2024 May he came home and told me how “unhappy” he was and wanted a divorce. My heart sank to my stomach and I begged him to not leave and will go marriage counseling. He refused and packed his things and left the house, I found out in August 2024 that he “introduced” his new girlfriend to his parents and apparently they said that if he’s happy then we’re happy for him. They never liked me and took him ages to introduce me to his parents even after his first divorce, I didn’t even meet them until a year later. I’m so stupid for thinking I could trust him.

And now she’s pregnant and he’s gone and moved in with her :-( and I want to message her and give her a piece of my mind but I can’t bring myself to do it. I love this man too much and can’t move on from him I worked too hard for our relationship and marriage to work. What do I do ?

Did you really just write that without an ounce of irony? I’m not one for judging people who have affairs - shit happens - but on this particular occasion, I’m going to pull up my judgey pants, because what in the hell?

I understand you are hurt and angry OP. U R in love with him and desperately wanted your marriage to work. Now they are having a baby; this has sealed the end for you. Painful but true. No coming back.
Nurture yourself and allow time to heal. I'm unsure if you adopted a child together. If you have, you will need to maintain communication with him.
Your pain will get worse b4 it get's better OP, no short cuts.
It's true what others have said, history is repeating itself.
It will be interesting to see how the new relationship pans out with the change in dynamics when a baby arrives.
Either way, it's over

Probably. You know men. They hate sex, don’t ever want to have it. Make excuses to get out of intimate situations etc.

Yeah it was all her because let’s be honest it was probably at her house so he wouldn’t have gone over there willingly……

What goes around comes around.
How do you think the first wife felt when you came along? He'll probably do it again if that makes you feel any better.

So you haven't seen or spoke to him in 7 months and now that his new GF is pregnant you're suddenly enraged and calling her a tart??
You're well rid, he'll cheat on her too.

too many threads where posters blindly pretend that if someone is a bit hasty to start a new relationship, it can only end up in more cheating

despite so many examples of very happily remarried couples

now you know how the first wife felt!

zero sympathy here - cheaters gna cheat!!

Just as you did when you stole him from his previous wife?

Long before my ex and I got together, he pursued me despite being in a relationship and I wouldn't have anything to do with him because I figured if he'd leave her for me, he'd leave me for someone else.
He went on to have 2 kids with her and then she kicked him out, we got together a few years later.

She was right to kick him out.

Im sorry @Emilia90 but once a cheat always a cheat. I’m sure you are devastated but I’m sure his first wife was too. Can’t remember if this was your exact wording but ‘tart of a girlfriend’ or something, that was you once.

Karma…

He’s having a baby with his new tart of a girlfriend

Oh dear. How does her being pregnant make her a tart?

@Emilia90
If this is real then Ignore the vile comments on here about karma etc, they’re not helpful.
You definitely shouldn’t contact the new woman. She doesn’t owe you anything, your ex is the one you need to direct your anger towards.

It's not her, it's him. If he had even the slightest bit of backbone and good character he would not have done this. And you know he's incredibly incredibly likely certain to do this to her.

Alanis Morrisette is somewhere singing...

That’s how his first wife felt about you. Pot.Kettle.

She is not ‘stealing’ your life from you

He was and still is a cheater She is pregnant

He is the cheater, Not her

Move on

Getting involved with a married man often doesn’t bode well. Not that you realised he was at the start.

He tricked you for months into thinking he was single. This was the first huge red flag.

My only advice is to never get involved with a separated or married man. I’m sure you won’t after this.

You won’t achieve anything by contacting her. You’ll just end up feeling worse. He’s gone, so put any energy you have into moving forward and being kind to yourself.

A relative is on their 4th wife. Every time there has been overlap between old model and new one.

I get that you are reeling. Maybe you swallowed your moral judgement to be with this bloke - being desperate for a someone can make people do that, and I wouldn't judge you for it because I've not walked a mile in your shoes and don't know what drove you to be that desperate and unable to walk away when you should. I do know that the "wrong" reasons can still be very compelling.
What's done is done and can't be changed. Leave the anger behind. He's not worth it, she'll learn in time.
Now is the time to get yourself in order, recognise the mistake you made in the past and how it came back to haunt you, figure out why you were prepared to lower your standards like that, and ensure that you never, ever do it again. Whatever the reasons are, they are the reasons you are hurting now.
Judge yourself only on what you make of life from this point forward, but be brutal that it must involve healing yourself and learning from past mistakes.
Stop being bitter - such a waste of energy.

OP there is nothing you can do about this

You can scream, cry, give pregnant girlfriend a mouthful, but it won’t change anything.

Sounds like he is determined to divorce you and being honest the pull of your own biological baby will be strong.

So it’s time you sorted you.

Get a solicitor, see what the divorce settlement will mean for you, start thinking not feeling or reacting.
Throw yourself into work, work towards a promotion or higher paid job.

Put you energy elsewhere basically.

I mean think about it, if he came crawling back but still was a baby daddy could you handle years and years of dealing with him and his child and child’s baby mum complications? Because that is the reality now.