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Original poster

My soon to be ex husband left his ex wife for me! And now he’s leaving me for someone else

477 replies

Emilia90 · 14/02/2025 14:58

2016 I met my soon to be ex husband on a night out and at that time I didn’t know he was married. He kept it well hidden for at least 6/7 months, until he came clean and told me everything and how he was unhappy.

I was so much in love with him at that time and forgave him, they got a divorce and we moved on with our lives. Fast forward to 2020 we got married and I found out I couldn’t have children so we decided we would adopt. Everything was going fine and we were happy so I thought, didn’t suspect anything from him because after all I forgave him and did trust him. That was my biggest mistake

2024 May he came home and told me how “unhappy” he was and wanted a divorce. My heart sank to my stomach and I begged him to not leave and will go marriage counseling. He refused and packed his things and left the house, I found out in August 2024 that he “introduced” his new girlfriend to his parents and apparently they said that if he’s happy then we’re happy for him. They never liked me and took him ages to introduce me to his parents even after his first divorce, I didn’t even meet them until a year later. I’m so stupid for thinking I could trust him.

And now she’s pregnant and he’s gone and moved in with her :-( and I want to message her and give her a piece of my mind but I can’t bring myself to do it. I love this man too much and can’t move on from him I worked too hard for our relationship and marriage to work. What do I do ?

OP posts:
LemonPeonies · 14/02/2025 17:33

I imagine your anger towards her is because she's pregnant and you're infertile but it's completely misplaced. He's the one who made vows to you, but tbh you should have seen this coming considering you and him did exactly the same thing to his ex wife. So as other pp's have said, not much sympathy here.

Superhansrantowindsor · 14/02/2025 17:33

Surely you can’t still want this toad in your life? Sounds you are well rid. Please move on.

Pickledpoppetpickle · 14/02/2025 17:34

InfoSecInTheCity · 14/02/2025 17:28

He showed you exactly who he was before you married him.

You were the "other woman" he cheated with.

I understand that this hurts but it can't possibly really be a surprise, he was always a cheat, you knew that, you accepted that. He'll do the same thing to his new partner in a couple of years.

Classic OW. Thinks her relationship is the real one.

OP you really need to pull yourself together and see what has happened here. Take some responsibility for your actions. Face up to what you did. And find a decent therapist.

MuddyPawsIndoors · 14/02/2025 17:35

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

PLHJ84 · 14/02/2025 17:37

What goes around comes around….

Charding0 · 14/02/2025 17:37

Emilia90 · 14/02/2025 14:58

2016 I met my soon to be ex husband on a night out and at that time I didn’t know he was married. He kept it well hidden for at least 6/7 months, until he came clean and told me everything and how he was unhappy.

I was so much in love with him at that time and forgave him, they got a divorce and we moved on with our lives. Fast forward to 2020 we got married and I found out I couldn’t have children so we decided we would adopt. Everything was going fine and we were happy so I thought, didn’t suspect anything from him because after all I forgave him and did trust him. That was my biggest mistake

2024 May he came home and told me how “unhappy” he was and wanted a divorce. My heart sank to my stomach and I begged him to not leave and will go marriage counseling. He refused and packed his things and left the house, I found out in August 2024 that he “introduced” his new girlfriend to his parents and apparently they said that if he’s happy then we’re happy for him. They never liked me and took him ages to introduce me to his parents even after his first divorce, I didn’t even meet them until a year later. I’m so stupid for thinking I could trust him.

And now she’s pregnant and he’s gone and moved in with her :-( and I want to message her and give her a piece of my mind but I can’t bring myself to do it. I love this man too much and can’t move on from him I worked too hard for our relationship and marriage to work. What do I do ?

Let him get on with it, he will do exactly the same to her. You are worth so much more

SonK · 14/02/2025 17:38

mummytrex · 14/02/2025 15:28

Giving the benefit of the doubt to this, your complete lack of insight and the irony of your posts is utterly baffling.

Oh yes - so much irony in this situation, I would have found it quite comedic too but I feel OP is enraged and hurting more due to her infertility - something the new woman can give him which she couldn't.

For that reason I do feel sorry for you OP but you did put your self in this situation - he initially cheated on his wife to be with you. Men like that hardly change or understand 'love'

Time to move on, take care and better yourself x

cheezncrackers · 14/02/2025 17:39

Good God! MN is like Jeremy Kyle this afternoon. What is going on?

Tetchypants · 14/02/2025 17:40

Emilia90 · 14/02/2025 15:35

ITS NOT A WIND UP!! ITS MY LIFE AND ITS REAL!! Why would this be a bloody wind up?

Show quote history

BECAUSE HE’S DONE IT AGAIN AND FOR SOME STRANGE REASON YOU’RE SHOCKED.

Be thankful there are no children involved.
Be thankful you can start afresh.
You reap what you sow. Harsh but fair.

PyongyangKipperbang · 14/02/2025 17:41

Emilia90 · 14/02/2025 15:12

I’m not pregnant and can’t have children. He’s having a baby with his new tart of a girlfriend.

I know why he did this because he’s always wanted children and I couldn’t have any and his first wife didn’t want kids. Now he’s going to have a kid with someone that’s not me and it hurts like hell!!

Show quote history

Whether you like it or not, you were once the "tart of a girlfriend".

You will say you didnt know he was married at first but you dont know that his new GF knew. She may still not know that you were together when they met, he is certainly talented at keeping things secret. And when you did find out you decided that you loving him was more important than doing the right thing and leaving him, at least until he was properly seperated from his wife.

And she hasnt stolen your life, he has.

You know what they say, you lose 'em how you got 'em.

So instead of pouring all your anger into her, who for all you know has fallen for the lies about being seperated blah blah and has no idea she was the OW, pour it into him who told the lies, who cheated, who future faked you with the adoption etc. THIS IS ALL ON HIM. And you dont love him, not one little bit. You love the him you thought he was, the him he told you he was, not the him that he actually is.....a cheating lying heartless scumbag.

Charding0 · 14/02/2025 17:41

Emilia90 · 14/02/2025 15:12

I’m not pregnant and can’t have children. He’s having a baby with his new tart of a girlfriend.

I know why he did this because he’s always wanted children and I couldn’t have any and his first wife didn’t want kids. Now he’s going to have a kid with someone that’s not me and it hurts like hell!!

Show quote history

Get a new man, you may even fall pregnant with them. Deep breath, move on

Kangarude · 14/02/2025 17:44

I really don’t see how anyone can be in a 7 months relationship with someone and not realise they were married. Did you never once visit his home? Was he missing on weekends or evenings? You should consider yourself lucky that you are still living in the house I suppose

TheRealTina · 14/02/2025 17:46

he really is not your husband nor the third woman's husband. He already had a wife

JHound · 14/02/2025 17:47

How you get them is how you lose them!

He sounds like a rat - you are better off without him

Hwi · 14/02/2025 17:47

Female infertility is a deal breaker for many men, unfortunately. (Strangely, when THEY can't have children, women are supposed to stand by them). In many religions (apart from Christianity) even religious men are allowed to divorce their wives if the wives can't produce an heir. Forget about him, he is a liar and a cheater - it is a blessing he left, can you imagine being with him in old age and needing his help? He is the definition of 'scum'.

JHound · 14/02/2025 17:48

TheRealTina · 14/02/2025 17:46

he really is not your husband nor the third woman's husband. He already had a wife

??

Divorce exists.

2025willbemytime · 14/02/2025 17:49

Sadly too many women fall for the chat as they think they are so special the man can't help but cheat on and or leave his wife but he'd never do it to her...

Randomthoughts992 · 14/02/2025 17:49

sorry but karma, of course hes found another 😂dont worry, he will find another in a few years, if he can wait that long

Dimpleslnd · 14/02/2025 17:51

Surely you can’t be serious? You dated him even though he told you he was married? And you’re surprised by his actions? Wake up and smell the coffee love

SlightlyJaded · 14/02/2025 17:52

Take a step back OP

You were a mistress - unwittingly at first, but knowingly in the end
You were instrumental in the breakdown of his first marriage
You didn't care about that. You didn't lose sleep over his first wife and her pain.
In fact, you felt vindicated that she was reasonable with you on the phone and that your exchange wasn't heated (she was clearly very dignified rather than sharing her pain/rage with you)

Then
You got married
Looked into adoption
He got bored
Cheated
Left you
Is now about to divorce you and become a father with this new partner.

These are the facts.

This is the reality:

You don't deserve this any more or any less than his first wife did - but you must surely be self-aware enough to recognise an element of karma?
He will almost certainly cheat on new partner at some point
And it's probably for the best that you didn't progress the adoption as it doesn't sound much like he'd be interested in fathering an adopted child.
There is also nothing to stop you pursuing adoption now if that's what you want.

Take control of your life and your choices
Stop depending on others/blaming others - just own your decisions and do what YOU want to do

MissDoubleU · 14/02/2025 17:53

Emilia90 · 14/02/2025 15:07

Because I’m angry that he’s leaving me for her! She’s stealing my life away from me.

Show quote history

And did you not steal the first wife’s life away from her..? You call the new woman a tart, do you think his first wife felt the same? You don’t think there’s any karma here? You must see it, as awful as it must feel for you to be on the receiving end.

Azure6 · 14/02/2025 17:54

People like him simply do not change.

My mum left my dad for someone years ago. It turned out he was still with his fiancé and they had a very young child. He told my mum he was unhappy etc etc before eventually waking out on his fiancé and child. it soon transpired that he had been married, cheated and left his wife for the woman he was then engaged to. Then cheated on the fiancé with my mum. Of course, he then left my mum for someone else and has since married someone else entirely.

This woman hasn’t stole your partner or your life. You chose a relationship with him, being fully aware of what he was like and you were quite happy being the other woman at one point.

TheLionandAlbert · 14/02/2025 17:56

🤨 she’s fallen for a married man, with scant regard for the discarded wife, just like you did.

Direct your ire at him.

Horserider5678 · 14/02/2025 17:58

Emilia90 · 14/02/2025 15:07

Because I’m angry that he’s leaving me for her! She’s stealing my life away from me.

Show quote history

The same way as you stole from his ex wife! In all reality you’re no better than his new partner. As they say karma is a bitch!

Honeyroar · 14/02/2025 18:00

Your anger at her is actually jealousy. In reality you and her are exactly the same. You’ve both fallen for a married, cheating player. You’re in love with a fraud that looks after himself above anyone else. She’s got a real booby prize there. It might feel like she’s won the lot - him and a family with him. But in reality he’s probably going to do it again in the future, but she won’t be able to walk away from the mess because of the baby. In time you’ll see.