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Original poster

My soon to be ex husband left his ex wife for me! And now he’s leaving me for someone else

477 replies

Emilia90 · 14/02/2025 14:58

2016 I met my soon to be ex husband on a night out and at that time I didn’t know he was married. He kept it well hidden for at least 6/7 months, until he came clean and told me everything and how he was unhappy.

I was so much in love with him at that time and forgave him, they got a divorce and we moved on with our lives. Fast forward to 2020 we got married and I found out I couldn’t have children so we decided we would adopt. Everything was going fine and we were happy so I thought, didn’t suspect anything from him because after all I forgave him and did trust him. That was my biggest mistake

2024 May he came home and told me how “unhappy” he was and wanted a divorce. My heart sank to my stomach and I begged him to not leave and will go marriage counseling. He refused and packed his things and left the house, I found out in August 2024 that he “introduced” his new girlfriend to his parents and apparently they said that if he’s happy then we’re happy for him. They never liked me and took him ages to introduce me to his parents even after his first divorce, I didn’t even meet them until a year later. I’m so stupid for thinking I could trust him.

And now she’s pregnant and he’s gone and moved in with her :-( and I want to message her and give her a piece of my mind but I can’t bring myself to do it. I love this man too much and can’t move on from him I worked too hard for our relationship and marriage to work. What do I do ?

OP posts:
Moveoverdarlin · 14/02/2025 17:11

In the 6/7 months you were dating and didn’t know he was married, did you not ever go back to his house? Who did you think he lived with?

How old is he? He’ll be on his third wife in less than ten years at this rate.

chocmalt · 14/02/2025 17:12

You can't say you didn't have a warning. The leopard doesn't change his spots, and you knew he had a nasty habit of lying to get what he wanted. You decided to ignore that inconvenient fact because what he wanted at the time was you. This new woman may have known more, earlier than you did, but does it make much difference? He's a cheater, and if it hadn't been her, it would've been someone else.

He's not a good person, and I wouldn't count on it that he'd have stayed with you if you had been able to have a child together. The sooner you accept that he's a loser and move on with your life, the better it will be for you.

Pickledpoppetpickle · 14/02/2025 17:12

She’s stealing my life away from me

Because you would never do anything like that, would you? Wait, oh... karma then, innit?

blueshoes · 14/02/2025 17:12

OP, you just called yourself a tart. Don't beat yourself up. It is all on him, not you. Never You.

MrsMoastyToasty · 14/02/2025 17:12

He's a weak man who isn't strong enough to uphold his marriage vows when temptation comes along.
She's welcome to him.

Ditch the tears and find your anger.

Justalittlehandhold · 14/02/2025 17:13

What a surprise……

Coconutter24 · 14/02/2025 17:14

I want to message her and give her a piece of my mind but I can’t bring myself to do it

Don't do that you will look very silly because it’d be so hypocritical of you

wordler · 14/02/2025 17:15

You are right to be angry with him. You should feel sorry for her - she's you in six years time.

Once they cheat they always cheat.

Concentrate on healing yourself and get some therapy and find someone next time who isn't already someone else's husband.

LakieLady · 14/02/2025 17:16

EmpressaurusKitty · 14/02/2025 15:09

And wife no 1 probably said exactly the same about you.

He’s an untrustworthy prick & he’ll probably do this again to his new woman at some point.

Show quote history

Yep, cheaters gonna cheat.

An ex colleague is now on wife number 5, according to another former colleague I bumped into a few weeks ago.

We suspect this will be his last, he's 79 now!

ThePartingOfTheWays · 14/02/2025 17:17

See if you can find someone to have a bet with you on how long it'll take him to cheat on this new one.

Coconutter24 · 14/02/2025 17:17

Emilia90 · 14/02/2025 15:07

Because I’m angry that he’s leaving me for her! She’s stealing my life away from me.

Show quote history

Hypocrite much? Not to be harsh but you did this to his ex, the exact same thing. You might not of known he was married to begin with but then you did know and because you loved him put your feelings above his wife’s feelings

ThatSchoolOfficeLady · 14/02/2025 17:19

Bumcake · 14/02/2025 16:42

Do you not think this has been posted eight times already?

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Maybe as a woman who got binned off by my husband for a woman half my age, leaving me with a baby and a toddler I just reeeeeeally, reeeeally like it 🤣

crankytoes · 14/02/2025 17:19

ITS NOT A WIND UP!! ITS MY LIFE AND ITS REAL!! Why would this be a bloody wind up?

Because if it's real you are displaying a STAGGERING lack of self awareness.

The new woman did nothing you didn't do. In fact at present there isn't even evidence he cheated on you with her. So you actually did worse than she did.

But you are demonising her with no irony at all. You are demonising her for 'breaking up your marriage' when you did exactly that to his first wife.

But somehow you feel like the victim here.

Fact is he is a shit. It's all on him. If you think she's a bad person then you'll have to accept you are even worse because once you knew he was married you continued seeing him. You don't even know if this women knew you existed.

Theunamedcat · 14/02/2025 17:20

Get a good solicitor and a therapist

Ophy83 · 14/02/2025 17:22

Get a lawyer as the pre-nup may not have any legal consequence. Unfortunately I think wife 1 was right when she called to say he really wants a baby. Don't let this stop you from adopting if that is still what you want to do

EnfysPreseli · 14/02/2025 17:22

I'm sorry you're going through this and understand that it must be heartbreaking. But you will get through it. You married a sh*t and you would never really have had the life you dreamed of, because he wasn't honest with you. I hope the same thing doesn't happen in his new relationship, because it will have an impact on the child, who has done nothing to deserve such a crap dad.

When you are feeling stronger and are back on your feet, there is no reason why you can't continue to look into adoption. It's a wonderful way of making families and of giving children who haven't had the best start in life the future they deserve. Parenthood is never easy, and single parenthood will be even more challenging, but the best way of getting even is to focus on getting over him and looking at other ways of making your dreams come true.

ttcat37 · 14/02/2025 17:22

Emilia90 · 14/02/2025 15:07

Because I’m angry that he’s leaving me for her! She’s stealing my life away from me.

Show quote history

Can you seriously not see the irony here? And of calling his new girlfriend a tart? You literally stole the life of his ex wife and you were that ‘tart’. You reap what you sow.

InfoSecInTheCity · 14/02/2025 17:28

He showed you exactly who he was before you married him.

You were the "other woman" he cheated with.

I understand that this hurts but it can't possibly really be a surprise, he was always a cheat, you knew that, you accepted that. He'll do the same thing to his new partner in a couple of years.

5128gap · 14/02/2025 17:28

You're going to have to get over him. What choice do you have? He wants to be with someone else. Tempting as it is to believe you 'won him' from another woman once because he loved you so much, you can do it again, you'll be wrong. He cheated with you because it's his nature, not FOR you because you're 'the one'. That was a lie; and he's proved it by doing the same again. You need to accept this is not a good man and you have lost nothing of value here. Most people put work into their relationships, you're not unique. Sometimes it pays off, sometimes it doesn't. All you can do now is let time do its thing and know you will gradually get better and build a new life for yourself.

TheseCalmSeas · 14/02/2025 17:30

Emilia90 · 14/02/2025 15:07

Because I’m angry that he’s leaving me for her! She’s stealing my life away from me.

Show quote history

No, he is leaving because he’s ‘unhappy’ as is his nature.

niadainud · 14/02/2025 17:31

EmpressaurusKitty · 14/02/2025 15:09

And wife no 1 probably said exactly the same about you.

He’s an untrustworthy prick & he’ll probably do this again to his new woman at some point.

Show quote history

It seems to be an eight-year cycle...

alwaysdeleteyourcookies · 14/02/2025 17:32

Emilia90 · 14/02/2025 15:07

Because I’m angry that he’s leaving me for her! She’s stealing my life away from me.

Show quote history

I mean... you did the same to someone else. It's life.

Whatevershallidowithmylife · 14/02/2025 17:32

She had an affair with a married man as did you.
He left his wife for another woman just as he’s leaving you.
She’s stealing your life just as you stole another woman’s.
You can be angry, hurt and devastated all you want but not just at her, both of them, remember you were in her position once so calling her names is just talking to yourself.

Juicymango1 · 14/02/2025 17:32

Once a cheater, always a cheater.....

Heronwatcher · 14/02/2025 17:32

Given that she’s done almost exactly what you did, if she’s a tart then you are too.

I think you need to work on yourself rather than bringing everyone else down- if real this is a life lesson not to believe people who lie.

If you do message her you’ll just look like a bitter old lady, and give him all the ammunition he needs to paint you as a complete lunatic. Save your energy for getting a decent financial settlement and moving on with your life.