Should I be worried, I found my partners internet activity

jellycatlover · 2025-02-13T10:11:38+00:00

I'm 44 and with my partner 41 who is an amazing man in so many ways. We have a wonderful relationship, but I've always had trust issues, due to previous relationships where my trust was broken due to cheating. He has never cheated and we have a healthy sex life. But every now and then I get the urge to "keep tabs" on him, find ways to see what he's up to online. A few days ago I checked his deleted emails on our laptop, and discovered that he has used a site to create AI nudes using photos, multiple times. When I asked him he said he used my own photos to do this and it was just curiosity and messing around, and even sent me 2 photos of me that he created in these sites, I suppose to put my mind at ease, as my first instinct is that he has been uploading other womens photos, like of attractive women he knows/works with. He denies strongly that he has done this. But I have a feeling thats he's lying as I find it so hard to believe that he's used these sites that many times just to upload a few images of me. and to clarity, it's not like he doesn't already have photos of me already. am I right to feel worried that he might have used other womens photos also? also part of me is pissed that he had admitted using my own photos, firstly without my consent, and secondly, why would he want to alter my body in images to make it look better? My head is hurting so bad thinking about this, and trying to find a way to move on from it, and I'm trying not to over react, but I feel so hurt. And I also know that it's really wrong to check up on him like this.

TipsyJoker · 13/02/2025 10:37

He shouldn’t have used your photos without your consent. He can see the live show anytime. Why would he needs AI ones? Using my images without consent would be a real issue for me personally. It’s a bit of weird one. AI is very new and I’m sure these sorts of things will start coming up for people. Does this now mean that the photos he created of you using AI are now on that app/site server and potentially accessible for those savvy enough to access then? I’m not a computer tech but I know that anything on the internet is always on there and accessible if you know how to do it.

Original poster

jellycatlover · 13/02/2025 10:58

Thank you so much for your reply. I am worried that these images are now on a server somewhere, and could be accessible to hackers etc ( I'm not very tech savvy either, i dont know how it works) And as bad as that is, I'm willing to put it behind us, even though I feel hurt he altered my images, but I'll get over it. I'm feeling like the deal breaker would be if he used other womens images. Short of me asking him to hand over his phone, how will I ever know, and if our relationship has reached a point where I have to ask him to do that, can it even be salvaged..

OP posts:

Nothitrockbottomyet · 13/02/2025 11:57

I would be very disconcerted that he has chosen this as a new hobby.
To me a mature man in a committed relationship obsessing over creating women's bodies to suit his tastes doesn't seem an appropriate thing to be doing.

username299 · 13/02/2025 12:14

I couldn't stand having a relationship with someone who sneaked around checking my emails or phone. I couldn't care less what their background was, that's their problem.

He's messing around with AI and nudes. I'm sure he's seen naked women before and they're not a threat, however if that's a dealbreaker, end the relationship.

Be careful about taking nudes as they can end up anywhere. Tell him to stop using your image, however you can't tell him what he can or can't do.

Herewegoagain29 · 13/02/2025 12:23

I don't think it' s worth throwing away a good relationship for to be honest, it sounds like he was playing around with a new tech, a bit immature and gross but if it's a one off and he's not addicted to porn overall I personally wouldn't be that fazed.

scoobs321 · 13/02/2025 12:30

I would not be happy about that at all - he shouldnt be using your photos without your consent and you are right to be concerned about security and your image being available to who knows? It would be a very big problem for me to get past in terms of the relationship.

Why didnt he use his own photos of himself I wonder?

Lurkingandlearning · 13/02/2025 13:10

I wouldn’t like a partner honing images of me. I wouldn’t give someone permission to do that and anyone who knew me well would know that. To do it without permission would be a betrayal. It would be the end of the relationship for me as I’d never know what else they were doing with my pictures.

But I have never allowed anyone to take nudes of me. I knew relationships don’t always last forever but pictures do and you can’t ever be certain what they will be used for in the future. Now even our faces can be edited in to fake porn.

Just hope for the best.

SheridansPortSalut · 13/02/2025 13:14

You've both broken each other's trust here. Neither of you can trust the other. It doesn't sound like the wonderful relationship that you say it is.

Original poster

jellycatlover · 13/02/2025 13:40

SheridansPortSalut · 13/02/2025 13:14

You've both broken each other's trust here. Neither of you can trust the other. It doesn't sound like the wonderful relationship that you say it is.

You are right, I know I have messed up too.

OP posts:

Sashya · 13/02/2025 13:41

Personally - I think you are in the wrong here. Blaming past cheating by other people to justify your paranoia is all good for you - but in reality it is YOUR issue to deal and sort. This partner has not done anything wrong to you. Proven it over and over - I presume the relationship has lasted a while by now. And yet, you seem to be putting him on trial over an over...
But OK - you need to check his messages to feel better. Not ideal, but possibly understandable. BUT to then confront him about AI? And feel all wounded and needing him to grovel and pander to your self-esteem issues???

AI images is a fantasy. And a new technology that people play with. It's not porn, not cheating. It's more like an art form - nude art is still art.

And the bit of altering that AI does - well, we all do when we put filters, or use Portrait Mode, or pose just so, and inhale when we make pictures to look better....

And, btw - if you made nudes of yourself and send them to anyone - the pictures are by definition out there, on some server. So that isn't an excuse you can have to feel worried.

People can not (and should not) attempt to control all aspects of their partner's sexuality. When you need to enter into controlling his thoughts and fantasies - you need to really check yourself. You are dangerously close to that.
If you are going to break up an otherwise good relationship if the guy makes an AI picture of a sexy woman - you really should not be in a relationship...

Original poster

jellycatlover · 13/02/2025 13:49

Herewegoagain29 · 13/02/2025 12:23

I don't think it' s worth throwing away a good relationship for to be honest, it sounds like he was playing around with a new tech, a bit immature and gross but if it's a one off and he's not addicted to porn overall I personally wouldn't be that fazed.

I am hoping it was just curiosity on his part, I don't think porn is a problem, I know he looks at it occasionally and I am generally OK with that, as it's never affected our s*x life.

I dont want to throw away the relationship, as we both have a lot to loose, kids and a home we built together.

OP posts:

Original poster

jellycatlover · 13/02/2025 14:11

Sashya · 13/02/2025 13:41

Personally - I think you are in the wrong here. Blaming past cheating by other people to justify your paranoia is all good for you - but in reality it is YOUR issue to deal and sort. This partner has not done anything wrong to you. Proven it over and over - I presume the relationship has lasted a while by now. And yet, you seem to be putting him on trial over an over...
But OK - you need to check his messages to feel better. Not ideal, but possibly understandable. BUT to then confront him about AI? And feel all wounded and needing him to grovel and pander to your self-esteem issues???

AI images is a fantasy. And a new technology that people play with. It's not porn, not cheating. It's more like an art form - nude art is still art.

And the bit of altering that AI does - well, we all do when we put filters, or use Portrait Mode, or pose just so, and inhale when we make pictures to look better....

And, btw - if you made nudes of yourself and send them to anyone - the pictures are by definition out there, on some server. So that isn't an excuse you can have to feel worried.

People can not (and should not) attempt to control all aspects of their partner's sexuality. When you need to enter into controlling his thoughts and fantasies - you need to really check yourself. You are dangerously close to that.
If you are going to break up an otherwise good relationship if the guy makes an AI picture of a sexy woman - you really should not be in a relationship...

I appreciate your honest answer to this. I needed to hear it. I know the part I have played in this is wrong, I have broke his trust and I shouldn't have snooped on him, and my issues are not his fault, but my own that I clearly have to deal with, I've been carrying this pain and hurt for too long, and I want more than anything to change. He's happy to move on and pretend all is cool after I do something like this, and even has empathy for my past situation. But I know its not right and it's damaging to what we have together.

The part about my pictures being in a server somewhere, I can get over it and forger it, I was initially worried, but yes, I've sent pictures to him anyway in our relationship, so you have made a good point.

OP posts:

AlexandrinaH · 13/02/2025 14:48

jellycatlover · 13/02/2025 13:49

I am hoping it was just curiosity on his part, I don't think porn is a problem, I know he looks at it occasionally and I am generally OK with that, as it's never affected our s*x life.

I dont want to throw away the relationship, as we both have a lot to loose, kids and a home we built together.

Show quote history

You’re allowed to say “sex” here.

HawkersNorth · 13/02/2025 14:49

Herewegoagain29 · 13/02/2025 12:23

I don't think it' s worth throwing away a good relationship for to be honest, it sounds like he was playing around with a new tech, a bit immature and gross but if it's a one off and he's not addicted to porn overall I personally wouldn't be that fazed.

To be fair, I don't know if it is a good relationship. Him for obvious reasons but OP 'keeping tabs on him' doesn't sound healthy either.

Original poster

jellycatlover · 13/02/2025 14:53

AlexandrinaH · 13/02/2025 14:48

You’re allowed to say “sex” here.

Show quote history

Not 100% sure of the rules, it's the first time I've reached out like this for advise 😅

OP posts:

KiwiOtter · 13/02/2025 14:54

Perhaps you are keeping tabs on him because your spidery senses can pick up on something. Women too readily gaslight themselves on this ability.

He uploaded photos with you on, on this site. Now that’s just creepy and a violation of trust.

Had to double check this guys age - this is teen boy behaviour at most, not a man in his 40s.

ByRealSheep · 13/02/2025 14:54

I’m astounded at some of these replies.

He had absolutely no right to use your images to make AI images of you without your knowledge and consent.

This is a real betrayal of trust and extremely inappropriate behaviour.

You checking his activity is not on the same level

ByRealSheep · 13/02/2025 14:57

*And, btw - if you made nudes of yourself and send them to anyone - the pictures are by definition out there, on some server. So that isn't an excuse you can have to feel worried•

The op shared those images with her partner. In doing so she was aware of and consented to the possibility of them being stored on the platforms she used to share them.

She did not consent to what he has done with them. Her consent wasn’t sought. She did not have the opportunity to consider if she was willing to consider any risks re her images being manipulated or stored on the Ai site and to consent to that …. Which was her RIGHT

Soupshenanigans · 13/02/2025 14:57

I would be really creeped out if someone had felt the need to use images of me in this way and I’m not prudish. I’m surprised at some of these replies. It would be a dealbreaker for me.

Anonanon10001 · 13/02/2025 15:00

Soupshenanigans · 13/02/2025 14:57

I would be really creeped out if someone had felt the need to use images of me in this way and I’m not prudish. I’m surprised at some of these replies. It would be a dealbreaker for me.

Me too. Creepy as fk. I don't really mind porn but I honestly think that finding my middle aged partner making A1 images of me, secretly, and potentially of other women - I couldn't get past it. Stepford Wives springs to mind

ByRealSheep · 13/02/2025 15:02

Soupshenanigans · 13/02/2025 14:57

I would be really creeped out if someone had felt the need to use images of me in this way and I’m not prudish. I’m surprised at some of these replies. It would be a dealbreaker for me.

Agree 100%.

some insane replies on this thread.

Gas lighting the op.

What on earth is going on with those posters.

ByRealSheep · 13/02/2025 15:04

HawkersNorth · 13/02/2025 14:49

To be fair, I don't know if it is a good relationship. Him for obvious reasons but OP 'keeping tabs on him' doesn't sound healthy either.

Show quote history

Maybe she has good instincts

ByRealSheep · 13/02/2025 15:07

People can not (and should not) attempt to control all aspects of their partner's sexuality. When you need to enter into controlling his thoughts and fantasies - you need to really check yourself. You are dangerously close to that.

People should also not upload their partners intimate images, that they were trusted with, onto AI sites and alter them- without their knowledge or consent!

VeryQuaintIrene · 13/02/2025 15:10

It's creepy, period.

WaHaHa99 · 13/02/2025 15:12

Sashya · 13/02/2025 13:41

Personally - I think you are in the wrong here. Blaming past cheating by other people to justify your paranoia is all good for you - but in reality it is YOUR issue to deal and sort. This partner has not done anything wrong to you. Proven it over and over - I presume the relationship has lasted a while by now. And yet, you seem to be putting him on trial over an over...
But OK - you need to check his messages to feel better. Not ideal, but possibly understandable. BUT to then confront him about AI? And feel all wounded and needing him to grovel and pander to your self-esteem issues???

AI images is a fantasy. And a new technology that people play with. It's not porn, not cheating. It's more like an art form - nude art is still art.

And the bit of altering that AI does - well, we all do when we put filters, or use Portrait Mode, or pose just so, and inhale when we make pictures to look better....

And, btw - if you made nudes of yourself and send them to anyone - the pictures are by definition out there, on some server. So that isn't an excuse you can have to feel worried.

People can not (and should not) attempt to control all aspects of their partner's sexuality. When you need to enter into controlling his thoughts and fantasies - you need to really check yourself. You are dangerously close to that.
If you are going to break up an otherwise good relationship if the guy makes an AI picture of a sexy woman - you really should not be in a relationship...

Are you OPs partner, or a man?