Should I be worried, I found my partners internet activity

[jellycatlover]

I'm 44 and with my partner 41 who is an amazing man in so many ways. We have a wonderful relationship, but I've always had trust issues, due to previous relationships where my trust was broken due to cheating. He has never cheated and we have a healthy sex life. But every now and then I get the urge to "keep tabs" on him, find ways to see what he's up to online.

A few days ago I checked his deleted emails on our laptop, and discovered that he has used a site to create AI nudes using photos, multiple times. When I asked him he said he used my own photos to do this and it was just curiosity and messing around, and even sent me 2 photos of me that he created in these sites, I suppose to put my mind at ease, as my first instinct is that he has been uploading other womens photos, like of attractive women he knows/works with. He denies strongly that he has done this. But I have a feeling thats he's lying as I find it so hard to believe that he's used these sites that many times just to upload a few images of me. and to clarity, it's not like he doesn't already have photos of me already.

am I right to feel worried that he might have used other womens photos also? also part of me is pissed that he had admitted using my own photos, firstly without my consent, and secondly, why would he want to alter my body in images to make it look better?

My head is hurting so bad thinking about this, and trying to find a way to move on from it, and I'm trying not to over react, but I feel so hurt. And I also know that it's really wrong to check up on him like this.

You're snooping your partner because you're having intrusive thoughts of him cheating. Therapy.

He's using images you sent him. But, he has uploaded those images and is using an AI to alter them. That's a problem. Facebook was caught torrenting massive amounts of books to help train its AI. People and businesses are doing unethical and illegal things and your partner's uploads are not really secure since he's using an AI tool. Make him take those images down. He can use Photoshop or Procreate.

You're snooping your partner because you're having intrusive thoughts of him cheating. Therapy.

Maybe she’s snooping became her instincts are telling her her partner has a creepy as fk, sneaky side - which has proven to be correct.

Make him take those images down. He can use Photoshop or Procreate.

To do what?!

She said she isn't so bothered by him using her images to alter, that's editing and artwork. She's afraid of him using images of other women. She even said she's afraid he's using images of women he works with. She can't stop herself from snooping.

Some of the responses on here are completely bizarre. I’m not sure how anyone, particularly a woman, could argue that using OP’s pictures like this is hunky dory.

It’s a gross violation of your trust OP. This would be the end of the relationship for me, as proof he is a creepy fucking weirdo.

Op, with respect, the way you responded to the thread apologists & snooping attackers makes me think you aren’t the most confident, assertive or assured person and I think he’s well aware of that.

His “just a joke, you don’t need to worry” approach makes me think the same.

He thinks you’re gas light-able and he also thinks you’re insecure & anxious & the balaa asked of power lies with him; hence “you don’t need to worry”, e.g. “I’m not cheating on you or trying to, so settle your little head”.

The fact that what he’s done is s breach of trust, Inappropriate and hurtful ….
Apparently he can do what he likes as long as he isn’t cheating/leaving and you’ll be grateful (in his eyes).
He’ll decide what is harmless, not you
He’ll decide what you neee to worry about, not you.
The possibility that you might get rid of his sleazy ass because his behaviour is unacceptable (even if it’s not cheating) is not even considered (well, he might be aware of it but is making sure you feel that would be preposterous)/it’s not even a possibility).

I can't believe some of the replies castigating you for snooping OP. But then MN seems to be infested with men these days only too happy to tell us women how wrong we are...🙄
We are told to listen to our gut and you knew something wasn't right so if you did snoop then people can fuck off with that because you weren't wrong.
I find it disgusting he did this, it's such a violation of your trust and nobody even knows the implications of him creating these photos.
I can't even believe that anyone would try and defend this shit as art or suggest he can carry on using photoshop (wtf?)
Anyone defending it is either a man/AI or just a plain old common garden cunt.

I'm not even sure if it's legal to do what he did and I'd be demanding to see his phone now to see what he's done with these photos and then packing his bags.

Please don't stay with this piece of shit. He should love you exactly as you are not make sleazy images of you or whoever else to his specific requirements.

It's sickening to think that men will be doing this and wanking over it with random photos from Linkedin or Facebook or whatever. They really are sinking to the lowest depths.
No wonder some women are deciding they no longer need a man in their life.

She said she isn't so bothered by him using her images to alter, that's editing and artwork.

No, she didn’t.

www.gov.uk/government/news/government-cracks-down-on-deepfakes-creation

I'd rather he googled porn that alter my photo with AI!

than

Amazing man, wonderful partner....but we have trust issues and always did.
My husband is very decent, 75 yo, old school, but amazing is such an odd word.
Very happy to be free of all this shit and any future men.
(45 yo, married for 20 years).

It is illegal to use anyone's photo without their consent to create porn/sexually explicit deepfakes. You need to decide if he knew this - it was all over the news not long ago...

IMO there is no smoke without fire and if he has broken the law for a sexual kick he probably has done more.

I feel this use of ai is such a horrendous risk to women and children. The laws and regulations need to catch up with the pace at which this is developing and put protections in place.

that he treats me great in every way and is a loving and supporting partner (which he is

Hes good at his own PR, isn’t he?

Good at brow beating you - in the “nicest” way.

Well, doing what he’s done (both the lack of consent and the hurtfulness & creepiness of the Ai photo edit) Iis not loving and not supporting or great in every way, so … so he’s got some nerve saying that in the context.

He sounds manipulative.

Oh for the love of god - he’s playing with some new tech, that’s all. Honestly, if this AI tool can take a photo of me and then pose me naked in different ways that would be AMAZING…because Christ knows I definitely can’t be arsed taking them myself. I’d be bloody happy my DH took that route instead of pestering me for them.

It sounds like he was having some fun with it and probably knocked a couple out to the results. If you’d not looked, he’d have got bored of the software and forgotten about it. Snooping never ends well (and leads you to panicking about all sorts of wild theories, from your posts).

Sounds like you have a good sex life so chill and enjoy it! Oh, and run some of his nudes through that program as well 😂

Meanwhile - what’s the name of the software? Asking for a friend 😅

Go for it and get yourself a criminal record.
How very progressive you must be.

We don't need idiotic posts like this on mumsnet, or anywhere for that matter.

You sound like you could be the creepy man OP is posting about. No one is interested in the perverts perspective.

That’s all well and good if you use your own photos. Not so much if you’re using someone else’s, without their consent, to “knock one out”.

Pretty sure OPs partner wasn’t using images of himself to try out this new technology 🙄

Oh for the love of god - he’s playing with some new tech, that’s all. Honestly, if this AI tool can take a photo of me and then pose me naked in different ways that would be AMAZING…because Christ knows I definitely can’t be arsed taking them myself. I’d be bloody happy my DH took that route instead of pestering me for them.

Unless he paid for an expensive subscription for a private account and usage rights, those nudes of you are all out in the public domain. Most AI services give you free credits to mess around and have fun with, but they own those images and they are also publicly searchable. They could also be used to promote the website or new features. Exclusive download rights and commercial use licence (essentially the same thing) are always behind a paywall in generative AI.

So women now not only have to accept porn, but men making porn of us without our consent?! I don't fucking think so.

This is honestly weird as fuck
It's a violation
It's bizare
It's immature
It's sneaky
It's deeply unattractive

What a fucking horrible creep

I'd alter my own photos and airbrush them to hell if they were going online! Doesn't mean he doesn't like you! If you were creating images of a man as a sexual fantasy you'd remove the pot belly and shrivelled bum first wouldn't you?

Good grief we've got some weirdos on tonight.

Every post seems to be attracting teen boys atm. All saying the same "you're so highly strung!" and "you shouldn't have checked, his behaviour is private, you should be more trusting!".

It's bollocks OP, ignore the boys.