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Original poster

Should I be worried, I found my partners internet activity

152 replies

jellycatlover · 13/02/2025 10:11

I'm 44 and with my partner 41 who is an amazing man in so many ways. We have a wonderful relationship, but I've always had trust issues, due to previous relationships where my trust was broken due to cheating. He has never cheated and we have a healthy sex life. But every now and then I get the urge to "keep tabs" on him, find ways to see what he's up to online.

A few days ago I checked his deleted emails on our laptop, and discovered that he has used a site to create AI nudes using photos, multiple times. When I asked him he said he used my own photos to do this and it was just curiosity and messing around, and even sent me 2 photos of me that he created in these sites, I suppose to put my mind at ease, as my first instinct is that he has been uploading other womens photos, like of attractive women he knows/works with. He denies strongly that he has done this. But I have a feeling thats he's lying as I find it so hard to believe that he's used these sites that many times just to upload a few images of me. and to clarity, it's not like he doesn't already have photos of me already.

am I right to feel worried that he might have used other womens photos also? also part of me is pissed that he had admitted using my own photos, firstly without my consent, and secondly, why would he want to alter my body in images to make it look better?

My head is hurting so bad thinking about this, and trying to find a way to move on from it, and I'm trying not to over react, but I feel so hurt. And I also know that it's really wrong to check up on him like this.

OP posts:
ByRealSheep · 13/02/2025 15:13

When I asked him he said he used my own photos to do this and it was just curiosity and messing around, and even sent me 2 photos of me that he created in these sites, I suppose to put my mind at ease, as my first instinct is that he has been uploading other womens photos

ateotd you don’t actually know what he was doing and whose images he was using on that site.

After being caught he could have done a couple of your images to back up his story.

Or he could have been doing yours and other women’s.

He’s naturally going to try to make out it was your/only your photos - because most people are going to crack & it’s going to be a big problem if it was other women.

If sounds like BS to me “oh it was just photos of you, my partner!”.

Doesn’t make much sense either…, you have real photos, you have the real “thing” on hand, live - but you’re editing their images in AI (???)

If he wanted particular poses or scenarios or clothing, he could have just asked.

I also think it’s quite creepy and insulting to go into Ai and okay with/edit explicit photos your partner has trusted you with. why do you feel the need to change them?

ByRealSheep · 13/02/2025 15:15

Men usually use AI to create images when they don’t have intimate/explicit/nude photos of a woman they are attracted to/fantasising about.

category12 · 13/02/2025 15:16

I thought the law was changing about deepfakes - seems a foolhardy and unethical hobby to get into.

coxesorangepippin · 13/02/2025 15:17

Let me get this straight

He uploaded pics of you to generate nude photos of you?

Right?

And you are okay with this?

coxesorangepippin · 13/02/2025 15:18

What did he do with those pics afterwards?

wizzywig · 13/02/2025 15:18

This isnt a bit of porn. He is spending time to create porno pics of women he knows UGH! beyond creepy.

ByRealSheep · 13/02/2025 15:21

category12 · 13/02/2025 15:16

I thought the law was changing about deepfakes - seems a foolhardy and unethical hobby to get into.

You have to wonder if what he’s done with ops photos is even legal, without her consent.

dairydebris · 13/02/2025 15:24

I guess it's a bit weird but if he's otherwise lovely I think I'd be about 2.6 / 10 annoyed.

I think it's more important to figure out why you feel you had to snoop.

Specso · 13/02/2025 15:25

I’m shocked by some of these responses that anyone would find this ok.

He’s uploaded pictures of you to the internet WITHOUT your consent and created fake nude pictures of you. Sites can get hacked and the idea that these could end up leaked or distributed for others to see makes me feel sick.

If my partner was doing this it would put me off him to be honest. It’s creepy, weird and grim. It’s not about policing his thoughts and fantasies, he’s created naked pictures of his partner on the internet without her consent. Just not ok.

Terrribletwos · 13/02/2025 15:26

jellycatlover · 13/02/2025 13:49

I am hoping it was just curiosity on his part, I don't think porn is a problem, I know he looks at it occasionally and I am generally OK with that, as it's never affected our s*x life.

I dont want to throw away the relationship, as we both have a lot to loose, kids and a home we built together.

Show quote history

No, this is very serious!!
He has used your photos!!!

ByRealSheep · 13/02/2025 15:26

am I right to feel worried that he might have used other womens photos also?

Yes

also part of me is pissed that he had admitted using my own photos, firstly without my consent,

100%

and secondly, why would he want to alter my body in images to make it look better?

Exactly

I’ll be honest, I think it wasn’t your photos but when he got caught, he did a couple of yours to back up his story. .

If it was you …. Huge consent issues.And odd that he’d change them.

If it was other women - to me this is beyond “normal” porn and creepy.

ERthree · 13/02/2025 15:27

He is a sleaze and he has violated you.

Chuchoter · 13/02/2025 15:28

It's not like he works away for long periods of time, you're right there with him.

I find that disturbing. I think that if he set out to make images you then the next step would be Pretty Lisa from Accounts etc, it's the slippery slope.

StrawberrySwitchcake · 13/02/2025 15:28

If my partner did this I would make certain he never saw me nude again. It’s really odd behaviour.

ByRealSheep · 13/02/2025 15:30

Specso · 13/02/2025 15:25

I’m shocked by some of these responses that anyone would find this ok.

He’s uploaded pictures of you to the internet WITHOUT your consent and created fake nude pictures of you. Sites can get hacked and the idea that these could end up leaked or distributed for others to see makes me feel sick.

If my partner was doing this it would put me off him to be honest. It’s creepy, weird and grim. It’s not about policing his thoughts and fantasies, he’s created naked pictures of his partner on the internet without her consent. Just not ok.

I echo your shock.

Also, if he truly was using the op’s photos, I would worry about an even worse scenario in which he’s a user of “readers wives” type sites /forums where a certain type of man shares a d swaps images …. And that he was editing them for some reason related to that.

recipientofraspberries · 13/02/2025 15:35

He's uploaded nude images of you to an AI and has altered them to make you look "sexier"?

What the actual fuck?

And no, whatever is inputted into AI is not kept private or secure.

Tillow4ever · 13/02/2025 15:37

Herewegoagain29 · 13/02/2025 12:23

I don't think it' s worth throwing away a good relationship for to be honest, it sounds like he was playing around with a new tech, a bit immature and gross but if it's a one off and he's not addicted to porn overall I personally wouldn't be that fazed.

How would you feel if you found out your partner had used AI to create naked images (that can now be distributed across the internet) of you? What about if you found they had done it with photos of their work colleague?

I think there's a massive difference between looking at porn, to creating pornographic images (without consent) or people you actually know.

OP - it's so many levels of wrong, I don't think I could continue this relationship.

ByRealSheep · 13/02/2025 15:38

And I also know that it's really wrong to check up on him like this.

People often do that when their spidery senses are pinging. And they’re often correct.

Many people have been saved from all sorts due to a bit of snooping. They’d never have known crucial things otherwise.

The the anti snoop brigade on here is almost hilarious - I sometimes wonder if a poster reported they’d discovered their partner had killed someone, through snooping ; that they’d still be focusing on the snooping.

Mom2K · 13/02/2025 15:38

Sashya · 13/02/2025 13:41

Personally - I think you are in the wrong here. Blaming past cheating by other people to justify your paranoia is all good for you - but in reality it is YOUR issue to deal and sort. This partner has not done anything wrong to you. Proven it over and over - I presume the relationship has lasted a while by now. And yet, you seem to be putting him on trial over an over...
But OK - you need to check his messages to feel better. Not ideal, but possibly understandable. BUT to then confront him about AI? And feel all wounded and needing him to grovel and pander to your self-esteem issues???

AI images is a fantasy. And a new technology that people play with. It's not porn, not cheating. It's more like an art form - nude art is still art.

And the bit of altering that AI does - well, we all do when we put filters, or use Portrait Mode, or pose just so, and inhale when we make pictures to look better....

And, btw - if you made nudes of yourself and send them to anyone - the pictures are by definition out there, on some server. So that isn't an excuse you can have to feel worried.

People can not (and should not) attempt to control all aspects of their partner's sexuality. When you need to enter into controlling his thoughts and fantasies - you need to really check yourself. You are dangerously close to that.
If you are going to break up an otherwise good relationship if the guy makes an AI picture of a sexy woman - you really should not be in a relationship...

OP's partner has indeed done something wrong. It doesn't matter if she has ever shared nudes with him in the past and they could have possibly gotten onto a server through her sending them to him. He did not have her permission to upload those photos anywhere and did not have her consent to alter them.

When people are using filters, they should be using them on their own photos, not someone else's. It's not appropriate to alter another person's photo if they have not been asked to.

All this AI/filter nonsense is getting out of hand - absolutely skewing reality and the expectations of what real people/women should look like. It's not art, it's becoming a creepy obsession.

As for reading messages...in an established relationship I don't see any need for secrecy with phones/computers etc, unless one person actually has something to hide. And unfortunately (if the number of posts I have read on mumsnet over the years are any indication...as well as from real life experience) men tend to lie about their porn usage and if they have any weird fetishes, and these tend to be deal breakers for some women. Sadly it isn't possible to start from a position of trust. It's weird that people think anyone should automatically trust someone they are starting to get to know romantically when there are so many liars about, especially when it comes to their porn usage and fidelity. In an established relationship, I expect transparency - if I was told they don't use pornography etc, there shouldn't be an issue with me validating that. I'd have no problem with my DP looking at any of my communications because there is nothing to hide, and I wouldn't be offended if they wanted to look.

I don't blindly take what anyone says at face value. It's nothing personal, but until someone has proven to me that they are indeed a trustworthy person - it's naive to just assume that they are. But to each their own, I guess.

Op was right to look - he has indeed violated her trust and privacy by using private images she gave him to look at. Not to post somewhere and alter.

Original poster
jellycatlover · 13/02/2025 15:40

ByRealSheep · 13/02/2025 15:26

am I right to feel worried that he might have used other womens photos also?

Yes

also part of me is pissed that he had admitted using my own photos, firstly without my consent,

100%

and secondly, why would he want to alter my body in images to make it look better?

Exactly

I’ll be honest, I think it wasn’t your photos but when he got caught, he did a couple of yours to back up his story. .

If it was you …. Huge consent issues.And odd that he’d change them.

If it was other women - to me this is beyond “normal” porn and creepy.

He sent me the images that he made of me within seconds, meaning he already had them stored on his phone, so I know he didn't just make them then, but still not convinced in my head that he hasn't made other womens photos also, that part hurts more.

The more replies I am reading the sicker I am feeling about this whole situation 😭

OP posts:
ByRealSheep · 13/02/2025 15:41

OP's partner has indeed done something wrong.

Hear hear.

I can’t believe someone would state he hasn’t.

Pamspeople · 13/02/2025 15:43

This is not the behaviour of an adult, surely? Teenage boy, I could understand, but an actual adult man in a actual relationship? Sleazy af! I'd be furious at the use of your photos without consent, and embarrassed to be with him, tbh.

And I'd not trust him an inch to not misuse the images. What about if he's pissed off with you one day? Or you split up? Ugh.

ByRealSheep · 13/02/2025 15:45

jellycatlover · 13/02/2025 15:40

He sent me the images that he made of me within seconds, meaning he already had them stored on his phone, so I know he didn't just make them then, but still not convinced in my head that he hasn't made other womens photos also, that part hurts more.

The more replies I am reading the sicker I am feeling about this whole situation 😭

Show quote history

It’s a violation of your trust and consent.

If it’s other women’s photos too - creepy and, to me, beyond normal porn use.

(Not that him doing it with your images wasn’t creepy too).

What did he do to them?

Were they non explicit photos that he made explicit? Did he increase the nudity or …?

i don’t understand why he was editing them.

(And how exactly do you stumble across software/site like that).

Bountychocolate · 13/02/2025 15:49

What was the website he used called OP?

If you want transparency, you could ask him to show you the folder in the phone where the images are saved. If he shows you immediately, you'll know there are not other images there.

If he messes with his phone / takes it away before showing you, he's deleting stuff.

If he refuses to show you, he's hiding stuff.