Page 7 | Discarded and blocked by my husband after he ended our relationship just before Christmas

Ria23 · 2025-02-09T16:21:29+00:00

My husband finished with me just before Christmas over an argument over his delinquent 13 year old daughter. His ex wife couldn't cope so she wanted us to have her full time .he asked what I thought and I gave my opinion..he didn't like it.Hes got me out of our marital home ..I spend Xmas and new year at my mums. He's pushing for a divorce and he's also blocked me on everything and I've had no contact at all from him .I also think he's a narcissist.any similar stories I'm really struggling 😫

Rosscameasdoody · 09/02/2025 18:33

Hwi · 09/02/2025 18:29

You can't throw a house owner out of his or her home. Clearly, it was his house. I am sure she will be paid after she issues divorce proceedings.

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He didn’t throw her out. She went to stay with her mum and he wouldn’t let her come back. There’s a difference. And if the house has been used as their only marital home she’s entitled to a share whether she has a financial interest or not.

Rosscameasdoody · 09/02/2025 18:37

Hwi · 09/02/2025 18:18

He is a real dad. First time I read such a heart-warming story on here. A dad prioritising his child. Well done, dad.

And throwing his wife out for suggesting that them being full time parents to a stroppy teen might not be the best solution. Yeah. A prince among men.

Workhardcryharder · 09/02/2025 18:38

Rosscameasdoody · 09/02/2025 17:38

No. But why has he ended his marriage so easily without discussion and not at least made an effort to find a mutually agreeable solution ? That says a lot about him. The girl is 13 and OP says she’s been in her life since she was 2. That’s 11 years. The fact that he has taken a quick and easy way out says a lot about OP’s misgivings about the child living with them full time - she probably knows that him stepping up means her doing 100% of the work. And his attitude speaks to why the child is having these difficulties. I suspect he’s not the prince people here think he is.

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Well it clearly says they had a row. Which means in the discussion point they didn’t agree with one another…

Given the information you have at this point, you are making lots of assumptions.

Workhardcryharder · 09/02/2025 18:38

Rosscameasdoody · 09/02/2025 18:37

And throwing his wife out for suggesting that them being full time parents to a stroppy teen might not be the best solution. Yeah. A prince among men.

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HIS child for goodness sake! That she wasn’t willing to step up for! His decision making is fine.

Babycatsmummy · 09/02/2025 18:39

MrsSkylerWhite · 09/02/2025 16:48

He’s putting his daughter first. You don’t like it. Fair enough. I wouldn’t want responsibility for someone’s difficult child, either. Which is why I wouldn’t have married a man with kids.

But her bio mum isn't? She's literally washing her hands of her by the sounds of it.

The teens parents should be working together in this situation. Her mum shoving her onto her Dad so she can have her happy family is going to have a bigger psychological effect on the poor girl.

2JFDIYOLO · 09/02/2025 18:40

That poor kid.

Bang in the middle of the horrors of adolescence.

Shuttled between both parents, neither of whom want her, her own mother calls her horrendous, and both parents with new partners who also don't want her around.

Stepmother tells her husband what she thinks of his daughter.

I'm not surprised he's very belatedly realised his responsibilities.

But remember you are married - you have rights and are joint owner of all the assets including the house.

See a solicitor tomorrow.

It's never a good idea to get involved with a man with very young dependent children. What was she, two?

strawberrysea · 09/02/2025 18:41

TheMeasure · 09/02/2025 16:41

I think this "the child always comes first" trope is responsible for quite a lot of the ills we are currently seeing in society.
Adults ought to be capable of making loving and caring decisions based in the best interests of their kids but that doesn't necessarily mean putting them ahead of everyone else in the family.
Benevolent dictatorship and all that.

Strongly agree

rwalker · 09/02/2025 18:41

If it’s done it’s done all contact does is put fuel no the fire tbh it’s for the best

WeCanOnlyDoOurBest · 09/02/2025 18:41

Good luck to him, let him get in with it. Shame she wasn’t parented better in the early days then she wouldn’t have turned out the way she has. As it is now it’s probably too little too late.
You are better off without him or his daughter, go get yourself a better life.

strawberrysea · 09/02/2025 18:42

DaringLion · 09/02/2025 16:43

Top man putting his daughter first👏

He's thrown out his wife and his daughter has severe behavioural issues. I think you should reevaluate your definition of 'top man'

EG94 · 09/02/2025 18:43

Workhardcryharder · 09/02/2025 18:38

HIS child for goodness sake! That she wasn’t willing to step up for! His decision making is fine.

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His with for goodness sake! 11 years his wife. Same wife that wasn’t unwilling to step up but shared how difficult it would be, which is fact by the sounds of it. His decision making is flawed. He should have, if his wife meant anything to him, discussed her concerns and put a plan in place to support BOTH his wife and daughter not block his wife of 11 fucking years and kick her out.

why are we, in 2025, condoning this kind of behaviour from men?

Rosscameasdoody · 09/02/2025 18:47

biscuitsandbooks · 09/02/2025 18:24

Exactly.

If this was a woman saying she'd ended her marriage to support her daughter, every single person would be telling her she was an amazing mum and doing absolutely the right thing. But when it's a man, he somehow has to be being an unreasonable wanker?

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Most women would at least listen to their spouses point of view and try to reach a compromise with everyone involved before deliberately making them homeless. OP has been in the childs life for over a decade. I suspect she’s done most of his parenting during that time. I also suspect that the ex’s partner has threatened her in much the same manner - it’s DD or me. It’s what men do. And OP is paying the price. Let’s see how long it is before the reality hits him and he tries to manipulate her into coming back. I’d bet the farm that him ‘stepping up’ would have meant OP doing all the work. Accepting a partners’ children doesn’t just apply to the step mum. Why does the step dad get off Scot free ?

Original poster

Ria23 · 09/02/2025 18:47

Me and his daughter had a strong bond like I said..we'd have girls day outs.. cinema trips film nights when husband went out to the pub ...the problem was more that how things would change in our house if
she came full Time especially round our jobs ..we both work full time ...and as she goes through my things in my bedroom wen I'm not there that's why I have a few misgivings about her being there permanently..I need to add her dad is soft touch..he doesn't discipline her properly so she knows she can push it with him ..so saying I don't want her is wrong it wasn't that at all ..

OP posts:

Rosscameasdoody · 09/02/2025 18:49

strawberrysea · 09/02/2025 18:42

He's thrown out his wife and his daughter has severe behavioural issues. I think you should reevaluate your definition of 'top man'

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Lots of this on this thread. So much misogyny. Acceptance of shitty behaviour from a man and blaming the woman for it.

EG94 · 09/02/2025 18:50

Ria23 · 09/02/2025 18:47

Me and his daughter had a strong bond like I said..we'd have girls day outs.. cinema trips film nights when husband went out to the pub ...the problem was more that how things would change in our house if
she came full Time especially round our jobs ..we both work full time ...and as she goes through my things in my bedroom wen I'm not there that's why I have a few misgivings about her being there permanently..I need to add her dad is soft touch..he doesn't discipline her properly so she knows she can push it with him ..so saying I don't want her is wrong it wasn't that at all ..

Now we know why the daughter behaves the way she does.. Disney dad. It’s a trait I’d have found very unattractive 9 years ago

WeCanOnlyDoOurBest · 09/02/2025 18:51

strawberrysea · 09/02/2025 18:42

He's thrown out his wife and his daughter has severe behavioural issues. I think you should reevaluate your definition of 'top man'

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Totally agree with your statement strawberrysea, I wouldn’t go back to him if he begged me

kittensinthekitchen · 09/02/2025 18:52

Are your other children still with him in the family home?

stayathomer · 09/02/2025 18:53

And throwing his wife out for suggesting that them being full time parents to a stroppy teen might not be the best solution. Yeah. A prince among men.

yes this thread is nuts with the good on him, well done him comments!! There’s a middle ground where he can be a good parent but everything else isn’t great!

ViolinsPlayGentlyOn · 09/02/2025 18:53

Rosscameasdoody · 09/02/2025 18:49

Lots of this on this thread. So much misogyny. Acceptance of shitty behaviour from a man and blaming the woman for it.

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The shittiest behaviour seems to be from the child’s mother tbf. But nothing OP or OP’s husband can do about that.

MrsSunshine2b · 09/02/2025 18:53

A narcissist would put their own needs/wants ahead of their child's need for a home where they are fully wanted and cherished.

You cannot go from "we were happy" to "he's a narcissist" just because he's made the decision to end the relationship.

I suspect you misinterpreted the "question" and he wasn't asking if you thought the child should move in, but whether you wanted to live with her, and the answer he heard was no, so he ended the relationship.

Rosscameasdoody · 09/02/2025 18:54

Workhardcryharder · 09/02/2025 18:38

HIS child for goodness sake! That she wasn’t willing to step up for! His decision making is fine.

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Nope. It’s shitty behaviour whichever way you look at it. Read between the lines. She’s been stepping up for eleven years and because she had the temerity to question having that responsibility full time, she was effectively dumped. That’s not ‘fine’ decision making. At all.

Miaowzabella · 09/02/2025 18:58

You have been sacked because you declined to go full time in your unpaid nanny job. Get a solicitor to help you achieve the best financial settlement possible and don't look back.

crankytoes · 09/02/2025 19:01

Whoknew24 · 09/02/2025 18:28

Well done to your husband 👏👏👏👏👏 you think he’s a narcissist ? Why for stepping up and putting his flesh and blood before you.

Another female who shacks up with a man who has a past and a child etc, but you clearly didn’t put any thought into it.

Shes clearly troubled and struggling and no doubt you ran your mouth saying all sorts about his daughter.

You're the issue and he’s kicked you to the kerb. Never ever been more proud of a man on mumsnet in my entire life.

Edited

He's clearly not parented his dd well so she's gone off the rails and now he's thrown his wife out of her home. Not sure what's so admirable about this bloke

Original poster

Ria23 · 09/02/2025 19:02

No my children moved out a a while ago and his son is with him half and half ..he's 16 ...my daughter left because she was finding it hard with her step sister stealing her stuff
Me and my children moved out of our home to move in my husband and his 2 children but his daughter soon started rummaging through mine and my daughters things. Husband was aware nothing got done .that's been the pattern with her throughout no discipline from him.yet me and my children still stayed and did our best .its been hard but I've still stuck by hus daughter ...

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Rosscameasdoody · 09/02/2025 19:02

ViolinsPlayGentlyOn · 09/02/2025 18:53

The shittiest behaviour seems to be from the child’s mother tbf. But nothing OP or OP’s husband can do about that.

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Thank you - l’ve asked this previously and no one has taken me up on it. I suspect step dad has issued a ‘her or me’ ultimatum to DDs mum. So he gets to side step any responsibility and no-one is judging her mum for not choosing her own daughter over her partner. But OP is the devil incarnate for not wanting what l suspect is the lions share of parenting a stroppy and difficult teen. Step parenting involves both sides of the coin.