Was I out of order telling him that I had a coffee date?

[Gutted84]

I'm a bit gutted, met a guy on an app, we met twice , stayed over at his , s#x was amazing and we had a great chemistry, each date was about 12 hours long. He asked to be exclusive on the 2nd date and I said it was too soon and stupidly asked if he was seeing other people, he said no and then asked if I was.
I told him the truth and said that I had met someone for a coffee. He started acting strange immediately after that, his texts started trailing off after I left. And now I haven't heard from him in 5 days.
I'm so annoyed at myself for messing things up but I was just so taken back at him asking me to be exclusive. I realize after not hearing from him that I do really like him but also want to ask was I in the wrong to tell him I had met someone else for a date? We met on the apps, surely he knows thats how it goes untill you are exclusive with someone.

He's better off without someone like that, and has had a lucky escape!

Don't do what others have said here, telling him that you were just committing to another date and that you still like him, etc.

He might be a decent guy, and he might still be interested, but you played with him, and he deserves better.

I’m a bit confused as to why you think the place you met affects how long you should wait to ask for exclusivity. If he was feeling it after two great dates was he supposed to wait longer just because you met on app? If you met in a bar would it be ok?

He asked for exclusivity, which I think was a good indication of his character and how much he likes you. You said no. But you’re disappointed he didn’t ask for more detail about your coffee date and think he wasn’t that into you after all? He will have assumed it went great, which is why you wouldn’t be exclusive.

Since you have nothing to lose at this point, it might be worth sending a message.

‘Hello, hope you’ve had a good week, I’ve missed our chats. I think I probably messed up our last conversation a bit. I got a bit nervous/awkward and hope I didn’t give the wrong impression. I really enjoy your company. My coffee date was nothing compared to our two dates. I saw that x film/show/exhibition that you like is on next week and I wondered if we could go together. ‘
or something like that.

He’ll either respond or he won’t but you’ll have done what you can to try and turn it round.

🌺

If he asked you to be exclusive and you said no he probably thinks you're not that into him.
That's what I'd think and I'd not pursue any further

@Gutted84 2 dates is far too soon to be exclusive, regardless of whether or not you've shagged. His OTT reaction tells you everything. I think you've had a lucky escape.

Why, if he'd already shown he was keen by saying wanted to be exclusive? What exactly were you trying to achieve? To humiliate him?

What OTT reaction? He feels differently to OP, so has likely decided this relationship isn’t for him so is distancing himself.

Well if you're the type to play that sort of silly game with people's feelings, it sounds like he had a lucky escape. That's not how you behave in a grown up relationship.

Silly Billy.

Unlike you, he doesn't like playing games.

Which app and which location is he on? Asking for a friend who doesn't like games either 😘

Sleeping with someone after too dates is not too soon but being exclusive is? Maybe he doesn't want to date someone that's sleeping around?

Not talking to her for 5 days because she dared have coffee with someone else. IMO, that's OTT for a budding romance

This
It's ironic really that Op has sex after 1 date then worries it's too soon to be "exclusive"...

The good men don’t play games.

That hasn't happened from what she's said. Sounds like he's backed off as their requirements don't align, not that he's gone quiet to punish her.

There is no budding romance. That ended when she said she didn’t want to be exclusive. So it’s hardly punishing her by keeping a distance.

I would do exactly what they guy has. I'd be out. Too risky. You've slept with him early and are going on dates too...clearly crossover

But the coffee date only actually arose in conversation in the first place because he asked the OP if she wanted to be ‘exclusive’ and she said no.

So my guess is that he didn’t dump her because she’d previously been for coffee with someone else, but because after her two 12-hour dates and sex with him, she indicated that she still didn’t want be ‘exclusive.’

I don’t think it’s at all unreasonable to ditch someone who has essentially indicated that they intend to keep looking for a better offer.

OP, you are really really naive.
Once you had sex with him, if you liked him, you should have said yes to being exclusive and kept him. It is a no brainer.
Especially when it was him who asked for it.
Missed a trick there, lovely.

OP, it isn’t about the bloody coffee date a week ago! It’s about the fact that you said no when he asked if you wanted to be exclusive. It’s not the date you already had with someone else that’s a problem, it’s that you want to keep going on dates with other people in the future.

He doesn’t want to keep dating someone who has indicated that she plans to keep looking for a better offer. You’ve had sex with him, and presumably he isn’t keen on continuing to have sex with you if you might also be having sex with other people. He is completely entitled to feel that way and he hasn’t been at all unreasonable. You want different things. That’s all.

💯

Back before I got married I'd only heard of this "exclusive" business from American TV. It wasn't a thing here in the UK. I'm guessing OP is American as she used a z instead of an s.

This whole thing is just yuck to me, potentially sleeping with a number of people because you're not "exclusive" with any of them. Gross, I hope people who do this use condoms.

Oh, I had missed this post.
I said on my previous post you were naive.
Scratch that, what you are is immature.
I strongly recommend against trying to go back to him asking for a second chance because it is obvious that this man has seen through silly attempts of trying to play the big game but actually looking kind of small. Don't embarrass yourself any further.

How ridiculous and immature of you.

Hope he finds a lovely woman who appreciates him and his integrity.

Some men and women don't multi date people and don't like the idea of that even at the start. You should have been discreet but as you said you wanted to make him jealous. So be it .

Exactly.