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Original poster

Is this what negging is?

129 replies

Intomy30s · 07/02/2025 22:03

I've been seeing a man for a few months and he made a couple of comments on Thursday which have made me raise an eyebrow and feel like 'why would you even say that'

I went to meet him after I'd been to the gym and had on my new pair of trainers. He said "what did they cost, about a score?"

I had no idea what a score was, not being a londoner, so he clarifies "£20. I thought you might have got them off Temu or something"

They are from a quality brand and cost substantially more than that. He was basically saying they look like cheap tat, right?

Later on the same day he mentioned his brother in law seeing us out together. Apparently his BIL, who seems like an idiot himself, was going on about how pale I am and asking 'doesn't she even wear any foundation'

(I do - it matches my skin colour, as its supposed to!)

Why would he feel the need to tell me that? I wouldn't dream of relaying third party criticisms about his appearance back to him.

Does this sound like negging to you?

OP posts:
neverknowinglyunreasonable · 07/02/2025 22:04

This is what's called "being a dick"

Doggymummar · 07/02/2025 22:04

Sure does

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 07/02/2025 22:05

Yep its negging and they sound like a right bunch of wankers. Straight in the bin!

BaMamma · 07/02/2025 22:05

Yep

blitzen · 07/02/2025 22:05

I'm not really sure what negging is, but he sounds like a total bell end. He's not making you feel good about yourself, is he? Time to throw this one back. You deserve better x

Pippa12 · 07/02/2025 22:06

No idea what negging is, he sounds like a prize prick mind!

40andlovelife · 07/02/2025 22:06

This is more than negging. He's a bell end and a bully. Get rid

Scarydinosaurs · 07/02/2025 22:06

He sounds boring and annoying.

Asterales · 07/02/2025 22:07

I agree with pp; irrespective of what it is or why he's doing it, he sounds like a right prick. Chuck him, you can do much better than this undermining, snide dick.

DaphneFlower · 07/02/2025 22:07

In the bin. If he's putting you down this early on it'll only get worse.

Original poster
Intomy30s · 07/02/2025 22:09

Thanks for confirming my gut feeling!

There is definitely a vibe of insecurity about him whereas I'm relatively confident. It feels like he's trying to 'humble' me.

I can't be arsed with that.

OP posts:
Chorro · 07/02/2025 22:09

Bin

WitcheryDivine · 07/02/2025 22:09

Yes it is. He’s trying to make you feel not good enough so he can exert power over you eventually. I had one like this and when I clocked it I said something along the lines of “this relationship isn’t working for me and I don’t think it’s working for you either given the negative things you’re saying about me” and then refused to engage further or meet/speak to him again. Only way to win is to be completely uninterested in hearing from him at all.

Sorry he’s a bellend.

PullTheBricksDown · 07/02/2025 22:10

Ugh. Has he been like this before? Or has he now felt comfortable enough to take this tack? Either bin or back right off and make it clear this hasn't had a good effect

Mom2K · 07/02/2025 22:10

Yep, don't put up with that. Get rid

LushLemonTart · 07/02/2025 22:12

Next....

What a knob

EarthSight · 07/02/2025 22:13

It might not be intentional, meaning, he might not have read how to do it via instructions, but some people are just like this naturally. They're just nasty dickheads.

Watch out for more of this. Abusive men can grind down their partners over time until their victim's self-esteem is at rock bottom. It might not be a strategy as such, more like, some people manage to keep a lid on their nasty side at the beginning, but slowly, as they relax, the real them comes out and that's what you might be witnessing here.

EarthSight · 07/02/2025 22:15

Intomy30s · 07/02/2025 22:09

Thanks for confirming my gut feeling!

There is definitely a vibe of insecurity about him whereas I'm relatively confident. It feels like he's trying to 'humble' me.

I can't be arsed with that.

Yes that's poisonous. Some men hate women who are happy & naturally confident. It makes them feel very insecure, and to cope with that, they'll pull you down to the same level as them.

outerspacepotato · 07/02/2025 22:18

Yes. Weird put downs to make you feel less confident. It's manipulation to make you feel off balance.

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 07/02/2025 22:19

Yes, it is. In the bin with this one.

Hodcafesuk · 07/02/2025 22:19

More than a whiff of the Andrew Tates about this one. Throw him back. He should be making you feel amazing.

Original poster
Intomy30s · 07/02/2025 22:21

He hasn't made comments like this before but I have picked up on a few things that indicate he could be the jealous and insecure type (and now I'm piecing it all together)

Something of note that does set him apart from other men I've dated is that he's never complimentary towards me (about anything other than the sex).

He never says I look nice when I've made an effort and only ever complimented my appearance once, and it just so happens to have been after I cooled off a bit - he commented on a photo saying I look beautiful - having never said anything of the sort before.

I fail to see how I could ever be happy with somebody like that long term.

OP posts:
Buddhalover · 07/02/2025 22:27

Back in the sea for him! Your worth more, a lot more.

PinkArt · 07/02/2025 22:27

He might think it's negging, the rest of us think it's being a cunt. Time to chuck this one back in, OP.

fluffyblanky · 07/02/2025 22:29

Let us know how the dumping goes OP