Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is this what negging is?

129 replies

Intomy30s · 07/02/2025 22:03

I've been seeing a man for a few months and he made a couple of comments on Thursday which have made me raise an eyebrow and feel like 'why would you even say that'

I went to meet him after I'd been to the gym and had on my new pair of trainers. He said "what did they cost, about a score?"

I had no idea what a score was, not being a londoner, so he clarifies "£20. I thought you might have got them off Temu or something"

They are from a quality brand and cost substantially more than that. He was basically saying they look like cheap tat, right?

Later on the same day he mentioned his brother in law seeing us out together. Apparently his BIL, who seems like an idiot himself, was going on about how pale I am and asking 'doesn't she even wear any foundation'

(I do - it matches my skin colour, as its supposed to!)

Why would he feel the need to tell me that? I wouldn't dream of relaying third party criticisms about his appearance back to him.

Does this sound like negging to you?

OP posts:
Isitsixoclockalready · 09/02/2025 09:52

Intomy30s · 07/02/2025 22:03

I've been seeing a man for a few months and he made a couple of comments on Thursday which have made me raise an eyebrow and feel like 'why would you even say that'

I went to meet him after I'd been to the gym and had on my new pair of trainers. He said "what did they cost, about a score?"

I had no idea what a score was, not being a londoner, so he clarifies "£20. I thought you might have got them off Temu or something"

They are from a quality brand and cost substantially more than that. He was basically saying they look like cheap tat, right?

Later on the same day he mentioned his brother in law seeing us out together. Apparently his BIL, who seems like an idiot himself, was going on about how pale I am and asking 'doesn't she even wear any foundation'

(I do - it matches my skin colour, as its supposed to!)

Why would he feel the need to tell me that? I wouldn't dream of relaying third party criticisms about his appearance back to him.

Does this sound like negging to you?

Forget the label - he's just being a tosser.

SpringBunnyHopHop · 09/02/2025 09:57

This reminds me that I dated someone who would put me down over silly things like trainers.

I’m a UK 3 so would buy my trainers from the Junior section and he would make constant sly remarks and call me things like a cheapskate. They would still cost me £70-£90.

He was walking around in £13 fakes from DH Gate. He was so cheap he would pull out vouchers for places like TGI Fridays. Ick.

Just one example but anything he could he would pick at until I eventually blew up.

StrawberryDream24 · 09/02/2025 10:30

apparently he told his BIL at the time not to say things like that about me. Aye, course he did 🙄

If he had, he wouldn't have repeated his bil's comment to you.

In general, he doesn't sound very bright.

Creameded · 09/02/2025 10:45

He's a gobshite and now he's a dumped one.
Insecure, petty and nasty.

He'll be all upset and will probably bombard you with texts begging for another chance as it was a misunderstanding.
Insecurity that necessitated negging is a toxic relationship.

You have totally done the right thing.
I love this reply "you simply aren't good enough for me to go out with again".

Total silence after that.

SchrodingersTwat2 · 09/02/2025 13:43

Sounds like he wants your foundation to be orange, like Donald Trump! Who on earth notices make up on other people?

Andthebellsringout · 09/02/2025 17:50

Lordy, I got somewhat mixed up as apparently I was thinking of ‘pegging’ not negging!

Anyway he sounds far from complimentary & there are much better people out there to spend time with.

PurplePenguin2468 · 09/02/2025 17:58

Intomy30s · 07/02/2025 22:03

I've been seeing a man for a few months and he made a couple of comments on Thursday which have made me raise an eyebrow and feel like 'why would you even say that'

I went to meet him after I'd been to the gym and had on my new pair of trainers. He said "what did they cost, about a score?"

I had no idea what a score was, not being a londoner, so he clarifies "£20. I thought you might have got them off Temu or something"

They are from a quality brand and cost substantially more than that. He was basically saying they look like cheap tat, right?

Later on the same day he mentioned his brother in law seeing us out together. Apparently his BIL, who seems like an idiot himself, was going on about how pale I am and asking 'doesn't she even wear any foundation'

(I do - it matches my skin colour, as its supposed to!)

Why would he feel the need to tell me that? I wouldn't dream of relaying third party criticisms about his appearance back to him.

Does this sound like negging to you?

As a northerner, I've no idea what "negging" is but I can think of a few other terms 🤣

Havinganamechange · 09/02/2025 18:07

Get rid of that total dick, you can do much better on your worst day. Waste of time and energy.

eastegg · 09/02/2025 18:14

First few replies have it. I think neggy dickish bellend just about covers it.

LalaPaloosa2024 · 09/02/2025 18:15

Well done for binning him off!

This is exactly what negging is. Right now is the exact time that a healthy person would walk away and save themselves a mountain of drama and heartache to come. Watch out for his hoovers too, as he tries to get you to re-engage. He will be the one who wants to discard you.

I had to also comment of his use of the word, “score” for 20. That’s not a London thing. This guy is a loser. The only time I have heard score used for 20 in modern times is when someone recites “four score and seven years ago” from the Gettysburg Address in an American movie.

Mere1 · 09/02/2025 18:20

neverknowinglyunreasonable · 07/02/2025 22:04

This is what's called "being a dick"

Agreed.

H0210zero · 09/02/2025 18:39

Get out while.you can he sounds an idiot

Iceboy80 · 09/02/2025 18:54

He sounds like a complete prick, I don't even wear expensive stuff and I'd literally have the same clothes for 10 years as long as they are still good and comfortable, I've never been one for makes.

As you have not long been seeing him I would seriously consider if you have a future as from a distance I wouldn't waste your time.

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 09/02/2025 19:20

The Temu and score comment could have been a joke....

The thing his mate said wasn't ok and I'd give the benefit first time round.
Does it again and I'd put him in his place.

Missj25 · 09/02/2025 19:45

I wouldn’t see this guy anymore 💯..
You’re lucky you’re after getting an insight into what he is like so soon in ..
Get rid OP , what he has shown you so far is only the tip of the iceberg….

HappyMe6 · 09/02/2025 19:56

Get walking

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 09/02/2025 19:57

PinkArt · 08/02/2025 22:51

Excellent work @Intomy30s, both the binning and the telling him why. He doesn't sound the reflective type but you never know, maybe he'll learn and won't tell the next pale woman he dates that she should wear more foundation!

maybe he'll learn and won't tell the next pale woman he dates that she should wear more foundation!

I suggest that we don't train Andrew Tate acolytes how to disguise their dickishness better. It's best for women if they show their true colours clearly.

PinkArt · 09/02/2025 20:16

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 09/02/2025 19:57

maybe he'll learn and won't tell the next pale woman he dates that she should wear more foundation!

I suggest that we don't train Andrew Tate acolytes how to disguise their dickishness better. It's best for women if they show their true colours clearly.

Show quote history

You know what, I was thinking that as I was wrote it!
I was having an uncharacteristically optimistic moment that some of these guys might actually change when their twattery is pointed out.

Pippyls67 · 09/02/2025 20:55

It’s called being a twat.

pictoosh · 09/02/2025 21:07

I was only joking. It's the Get Out of Jail Free card for obnoxious arseholes.

ERthree · 09/02/2025 22:00

The very fact you feel uncomfortable should have you running for the hills ( in your nice trainers)

Creameded · 09/02/2025 22:02

Wouldn't dream of giving him the heads up on what a twat he is.

Let him go forth and be repelled on a loop by women.

ThistleTits · 09/02/2025 22:30

@Intomy30s throw him back, he's a knobhead. Red flag for future abuse imo.

FamilyFool · 10/02/2025 00:37

Thank you next. Trust your gut xxxx

Jillybloop393 · 10/02/2025 05:31

Did you ditch him? I hope so, he's only going to get worse. You deserve better.

Swipe left for the next trending thread