Is this what negging is?

[Intomy30s]

I've been seeing a man for a few months and he made a couple of comments on Thursday which have made me raise an eyebrow and feel like 'why would you even say that'

I went to meet him after I'd been to the gym and had on my new pair of trainers. He said "what did they cost, about a score?"

I had no idea what a score was, not being a londoner, so he clarifies "£20. I thought you might have got them off Temu or something"

They are from a quality brand and cost substantially more than that. He was basically saying they look like cheap tat, right?

Later on the same day he mentioned his brother in law seeing us out together. Apparently his BIL, who seems like an idiot himself, was going on about how pale I am and asking 'doesn't she even wear any foundation'

(I do - it matches my skin colour, as its supposed to!)

Why would he feel the need to tell me that? I wouldn't dream of relaying third party criticisms about his appearance back to him.

Does this sound like negging to you?

I don’t know what negging means but he sound like a prize grade A wanker who needs to be thrown back

Honestly it should be too obvious to say, but please don’t feel the need to shag people who don’t actually like you.

Well he's trying too but he's shit at it so its got your attention.

Either way, he's a knob and not worth any more of your time.

He’s testing you, to see if you’ll put up with disrespect and insults.

@Intomy30s
i feel sad that you are being spoken to like this, they are comments adolescent boys would say, judging footwear, FFS it’s so inconsequential and embarrassing for him, and you know you deserve better, he is yet another POS. I’m with everyone else on the thread just dump him.

Not wearing foundation is a problem?

I've never worn it. I didn't realise it was something to be put down about.

Thank you all. In the bin he goes!

The comments about foundation were so stupid. It was put across as though the BIL felt I should be wearing 'foundation' because I'm so pale, as though wearing 'foundation' would give me a bit of colour.. not realising that foundation is supposed to match your skin.

Had he said bronzer or fake tan then atleast it would have made sense. Idiots 😂

Judging footwear and comparing notes with his equally revolting and banal brother. I irrationally hate them both !

He hasn’t been talking to anyone ! This is head fucking .
He's pretending others are talking about OP and it’s not just him.
He is jealous and insecure and trying ruin her confidence. Bring her down some then he will feel better about himself (but he won’t really) then eventually OP won’t recognise herself.

Run @Intomy30s

Come to think of it I don't think the BIL conversation ever happened either. What an odd thing that would be for him to point out.

I am quite pale but I don't see an issue with it.

I guess he had to pick something as he couldn't say I'm ugly 😂

I have just remembered something else he said during the same conversation!

Apparently the BIL thinks I look polish (I'm British)

That's funny, because he whom will be finding himself dumped has said many times that he thought I was polish when he first saw me / thinks I look polish, so he's just talking rubbish and putting it on the BIL isn't he.

The price of your trainers is no concern of his, and if you take what was said about the foundation at face value, you'd have to wonder why he would be passing on negative remarks. If BiL did say that, you have to wonder why he'd repeat it to you.
I agree, he sounds like a knob.

He sounds like he will just chip, chip, chip away at everything about you until there's no confidence or self esteem left. Huge red flags.

What's wrong with looking Polish?

(I'm not Polish btw...I'm French)

He's either making out his brother is saying this crap when it's really him thinking it, or his brother has said it...many years ago I was similarly 'negged' by a boyfriend, who told me that 'a friend' had told him I wasn't attractive enough for him. Boyfriend took it seriously and dumped me less than a week later.

In both cases, it's goodbye to bad rubbish!

Haha to his BIL thinking you're odd for not having the Essex-girl orange-face foundation!

If he's starting with the critical comments when you're only a few months in, then it's time to dump him.

@FreeRider I know what is wrong with looking Polish?

Negging can be used in the early stages of a relationship to try and make a woman keen on you. It’s taught by those dickheads on YouTube that try to teach men how to get women into bed quickly.

By putting a woman down they hope it will make the woman needy and start feeling less secure around the man, making het desperate for his attention and approval.

Whatever his motive he sounds like a scumbag who is trying to undermine your looks and your clothes choices.

Please dump him. He needs to learn to respect other human beings. At the moment he’s lacking that fundamental skill. He sounds like a nasty insecure piece of work.

There is no such thing as negging... its called being a dick!

I agree. I think these are things he wishes to change about you (get you to wear bronzer etc) and therefore is putting you down for them and blaming someone else.

I hope he cries when you dump him 😂

I've no idea what's supposed to be wrong with looking Polish to be honest, it's just another stupid opinion that makes no sense at all.

I definitely don't take it as an insult, not sure if it was intended as one, but probably was.

A quick Google search in jest trying to figure out what on earth its indicative of, I saw an article which says that Polish women take fourth place in the ranking of the most beautiful women in the world, so cheers mate!

100% this!

Gosh yes I didn't consider that angle, you might well be on to something there!

It's indictive of him wanting to make you insecure, for reasons known only to him. It's the context of everything else that tells you this.

Not 'insecure' - controlling. He's a dick. And I bet his brother never said anything about your foundation fyi.

They're things he wants you to THINK he wants you to change.

The goal is to make you feel insecure and like he doesn't like those things about you/other people don't like these things about you.

It's not what he doesn't like. It's what he wants you to feel insecure about.

Because that's what abusers do.

You're absolutely right.

I'm glad the mask slipped so quickly, it's saved me a lot of wasted time. Good riddance I say.